Is the saying once a liar always a liar true?
Depends. If they really want to change, some can. If one is habitually lying to cover up a drug or alcohol habit, and manages to get clean and sober, the lying problem generally gets better over time, too.
If a chronic liar’s actions give them enough grief and aggravation, they can decide to seek help and make actual progress.
But frankly, don’t bet the house on the person changing.
Everyone lies. Lying is completely irrelevant to whether someone can change or not.
Moving to IMHO from GQ.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
Perhaps we can assume that we’re referring to someone who lies chronically in such a way as to sow distrust among those close to him or her. These are the folks who tend to promise to change, and usually disappoint.
Ask a liar this question: Will you stop lying?
I’m not the man I was 20 years ago, nor even 5. I think I have grown.
So my answer is, yes, it can happen.
My instincts say it doesn’t happen often enough.
There’s no magic answer. Of course, many people change. But if you don’t <i>know</i> they’ve changed, you probably shouldn’t gamble anything important on it.
slm, are you referring to the person you asked about in this thread?
At any rate - everyone lies one way or another, little white lies and fibs are part of the normal fabric of social discourse. But chronic lying, or being deceitful about meaningful things and constantly misrepresenting oneself is a more deep-seated trait. One that I have ended or limited friendships because of on more than one occasion because without trust, what do you have in a relationship of any sort? Lying is a control issue, or a cover-up for feeling inadequate, or any number of complex reasons, and for some people it just becomes a way of life and they can’t ever learn to be honest.
An exception might be as Qadgop says - lying specifically to cover up addiction. Part of the process of becoming clean and sober is also getting honest so presumably people in recovery can change their lying ways.
If that’s the question then that is a huge can of worms that should be walked away from without looking back.
If you’re talking about the guy who lied about being a doctor, I agree with the idea of just walking away from him and not having anything more to do with him. Yes, even if he is actually good looking (and was not just using a fake photo of someone else to lie about his looks too).
An honest guy who isn’t much to look at is a thousand times better than a cute guy who you can’t trust.
Even if you do end up dating this guy, I guarantee you that you will end up realizing that there are more lies in the future with him.
And if the guy in question is the guy slm was talking about in her first thread to this board - and is still talking about - then slm, honey, you seriously need to tune up your bullshit detector!
I suppose a person could stop lying/being a liar.
But once I’ve been lied too nothing will change the fact that I myself will never be able to completely trust that person again.
If they do indeed embrace recovery. I know a lying liar who lies about being recovered.
I’m a Christian. Believing that people can change comes with the territory.
Should you put your life on hold and wait around for the liar to change? Hell no!
Those folks generally are unable to carry off such a charade for very long.
Absolutely not. Anyone who has every told an untruth is forever deemed a liar.
slm, the short answer is: No. Run away now!
The long answer is, maybe. Some very few people can and do turn around their lives and stop lying. But first, they’ve got to stop lying to themselves. You want to wait 20 years for that to happen? You want to live through hell for years until the liar wakes up to the ruin he creates wherever he goes?
Close that door and move on with your life.
Yup, it’s the same guy :o & I agree!
I’m the type of person who likes to see the good in everyone and likes to give people second chances, but I think I really should let this guy go…besides the lying, we seemed really compatible…oh well:rolleyes: