Hey, you following me around here or something?
Yeah, rub it in, going out with all your fancy friends. Little Miss Popularity! So why not ask the boring old fart who has nothing to do of a Tuesday night besides sit on the couch and watch TV?
Well, I could either direct you to one of the Buffy sites you are well aware of and get on to preparing for the oral argument I have coming up at 3:30, or I could blow some time seeing what I remember from last night. Put it that way, it’s no contest.
Started off with a LOONG trailer showing all the Glory stuff, including her blowing that janitor’s mind, Riley staking that vamp, mommy’s got a tumor…
Think it started in the hospital, Buff and Dawn were hanging out with mom. Dawn eating lime jello with her fingers. Kinda boring except when mom started shouting out wierd stuff Tourette’s style. Mom asked if Buff should be out patrolling, and she said the gang was probably doing just fine.
Flash to graveyard, where Xander, Willow, and Giles are getting their asses kicked by a pair of friggin amazonian vamps - Willow stakes them both and is quite pleased with herself. The running lines for the night are “Where’s Riley?” and “Can’t we call Buffy?”
Meanwhile Riley is sitting in a chair with some vamp sucking off his arm. The initial setup makes it look like she’s blowing him.
Buff and Dawn are leaving the hospital, and they run into the Glory-fied janitor shuffling along mumbling. He accosts Dawn and says, “There’s no one in there” or a bunch of stuff to that effect. Dawn is none too pleased. Hunky doctor guy comes up and asks if he had been bothering them, and explains he is a psych patient being released to his family b/c of overcrowding.
Somewhere along here, Willow and (damn, I keep forgetting her name) are lying on a sleeping bag on a roof, looking at the stars. Bunch of mushy shit, then they see a huge shooting star come to earth.
Flash to the scene of impact, and shot from “it’s” perspective, something moves away from the impact. “It” sees the janitor stumbling along and mumbling (hunky doctor SAID the families weren’t prepared to care for the released patients) and “it” climbs a tree. When janitor conveniently walks underneath, “it” pounces and pukes on his face.
The Scoobies show up at the impact site, with Riley, quickly figure that the meteor was hollow, which could only mean an extraterrestrial came to earth. Set off, find the dead guy, he has some really stinky goo in his mouth. The Scoobies are scared, and want to go research. Riley says he’ll stick around and check things out. He immediately calls in the SWAT Team. (Exactly what is his relationship with them now, anyways?)
Now “it” is in the hospital. It crawls around on the ceilings, and everyone conveniently agrees not to look up. It goes into the psych ward, crawls over one lunatic’s bed, drops on him, and pukes in his face.
Then Buff is asking doctor if she can take mom home until the operation (which is scheduled for day after next). “It” overhears (Besides, anyone who watched last week saw it hanging over mom’s bed at home in the trailer.) Sure. No problem. We do it all the time!
Let’s see, Buff, Dawn, and mom go home. At one point, mom gets up, burns a pan in the kitchen, says Buffy is fat and tells Dawn “Who are you? You aren’t mine!” More Torrette-ist outbursts, but Dawn is starting to get freaked. (Remember, another guy said it to her outside the magic shop a couple weeks ago.)
The researching Scoobies find info about ancient meteorite impacts. Some reference to a “Queller” meteor. Willow finds evidence of historical episodes of mass madness, whose end corresponded with the impact of anomolous meteors. So they realize the meteor housed some creature summoned from outer space to “quell” the plagues of madness. But who summoned the demon?
The call Riley on his cell, and he is in the hospital mental ward, where all the patients are dead. He realizes the queller is at Buffy’s (apparently honing in on the “madness” related to her tumor).
Flash to home. Buffy is doing dishes with the radio turned up loud. Dawn is in her room and hears mom rambling, “Why are you looking at me? Quit staring at me. etc. etc. etc.” Of course the thing is on the ceiling right above her. It drops and vomits. Dawn runs in and beats the thing off with a clothes rack. The thing chases her out the door - damn, mom must have about 5 doors in and out of her bedroom, cause dawn was running in and out of rooms forever, and ended back with mom. Mom simply wipes the puke off with no ill effect. Meanwhile, Buff is still bumming out with some really cruddy tunes played on the kitchen radio.
Somehow or other she eventually hears Dawn scream her name, goes up, and gets attacked by the queller.
A bit of a description - the queller apparently has no legs. It drags itself around with its arms. Its back end looks kind of insecty. Has glowing red eyes, and a really impressive set of pointy teeth set around a pretty much circular maw. But it is pretty small, smaller than Buffy, and doesn’t really look like it should cause her too much trouble. And it’s main weapon is apparently puking in your mouth, which doesn’t seem that tough.
Buffy gets it off her, it slithers away, and she is after it.
Down in the kitchen Buff gets the BIG knife. And finds Spike coming out of the basement - with some pictures of her. He says he is stealing some furniture and shit for his crypt. But their nice/nice is interrupted by the queller. Buff drops the knife. The queller gets her on the ground, Spike tosses her the blade and she hacks it to death. At this moment, in bursts Riley and the cavalry, and Spike tells him he just missed a real fun time (an amusing moment IMO).
Mom says, “Dawn isn’t mine, is she?” Buff says, “No,” but they still love her. Awww.
Final part. Pretty doctor is leaving hospital, and drip-candle monk is in back seat. Asks doc why he summoned the queller. Doc says “To clean up Glory’s mess, like I’ve been doing all my life.” Drippy monk exits car, acts all obsequiously towards doc, who drives off. No previews for next week.
There! Any questions? Did I leave anything out?