In a conversation on the radio this morning, I caller claimed that hospitality is very important in Arabic culture. He went on to claim that, when entertaining guests at home, it was common for hosts to hide all their “good” stuff because the guest could claim it. If the guest were to exclaim, “What a nice lamp”, the host would be obligated to give the guest the lamp in a gesture of good hospitality.
Is this really true? If true, how do members of such a culture entertain friends in their home? Would a guest refrain from complimenting the decor or some other item (such as a lamp) for fear that the host would insist that he take it? How does a host proudly display his good fortune (as in having nice things) without risking his friends complimenting him and taking his stuff?
(ETA: This came up because the radio host claimed that an Arabic gentleman serving him coffee at a 7-Eleven complimented him on his shirt. The clerk then went on to request that he (the radio guy) give him the shirt. The caller claimed that this was typical of that culture and not meant to be rude. Is that really typical? I cannot imagine going around wearing my favorite shirt and, when someone compliments my impeccable style, I have to spend the rest of the day shirtless.)
Not quite that precise, and I don’t know about Arab cultures, but yes, it happens in India - if people admire your stuff, you generally give it to them. Or offer. They in turn are supposed to refuse. But you do get assholes who take it!
Actually, there’s truth to this but the caller was simplifying things.
It would be strange for an Arab household to hide things to prevent people from putting a claim on them. Traditionally, Arabic hospitality is exceptionally important - being a bad host would mark you as an uncultured jerk. But the counter to that is that guests are expecpted to appreciate it properly and not take advantage of it. The expectation of a good guest would be that they shoudl avoid declining anything offered to them, and in terms of food you can pretty much expect an unending parade of dishes that you will be expected to at last try. But you would be expected to NOT express anything that could be construed as a desire to possess a specific item, because that would be construed as saying “I really need/want this”, and a good Arab host, being in a culture that enormously values personal generosity and finds stinginess rude, would of course give it to you since you’ve basically said that you needed it. There would also be an implicit understanding that you owed them a gift or a favour.
You can’t just go into people’s houses and stake a claim on everything you see or people will think you’re a jackass at best or a lunatic at worst. It’s a matter of delicate manners and protocol, like all cultures have.
I’ve heard that in the 1929 Hebron massacre, some Jews invited themselves into the homes of local Arabs and were protected, even while their hosts were out rioting and murdering in the streets.
Couldnt the owner of the lamp after giving it to the thankful guest just say, “Wow I really like that lamp I just gave you”? The guest then being forced to return the lamp as he says, “yes this is a beautiful lamp” Holy shit im dizzy!
I still remember some of my treasured toys/possessions when I was a child/teen being given away. I remember a stuffed moose I had, that my daddy gave me. Well, some little kid came over and wanted it, and didn’t my mother just hand it over! Was I too old for stuffed toys? Maybe. Would I have given it away graciously if only asked? Probably, or would have distracted him with something else - it takes three seconds to distract a kid. But that was my daddy’s gift to me!
That was not the only thing, either. I had to hide my tape recorder once, a treasured gift also, because I knew my mother was thinking about giving it to someone. This is something I used every day to record or listen to music!
Lots of little things disappeared like that. None of this compares, however, to my friend who came home to find her BEDROOM FURNITURE being given away because a cousin had expressed interest.
In Kevin Reynold’s film The Beast the term Nanawatai is used by a Russian soldier to ask for sanctuary lest he be killed. (From Wiki: ((Pashto: ننواتی, translation sanctuary)) is a tenet of the Pashtunwali code of the Pashtun people. It allows a beleaguered person to enter the house of any other person and make a request of him which cannot be refused, even at the cost of the host’s own life or fortune.)
Is Nanawatai then the name for what Drum God describes? It sounds at the very least like what Fotheringay-Phipps mentions.
I have actually traded items … I had a scarf, one of several identical ones so when Tariq’s sister admired it, I gave it to her … and she took off the one she was wearing and presented it to me [with a really nice little pin that helps keep it on the head. I still have both, 26 years later =) ]
So, is there an accepted manner in which one can convey a compliment on an item without being obliged to abscond with it? If the item is offered and you refuse, does it become an insult?
Cut to group of housewives: “Jamie, honey, do me a favor and compliment the living room furniture when you come on Saturday, I want to redecorate. . .”
In college one of my hallmates was from the United Arab Emirates, and I remember her mentioning once that there was an expression that translated as basically “not really” or “I don’t really mean it” that people would tack onto the end of a compliment so as to avoid expressing excessive admiration. So one might say something along the lines of “I like that necklace, but not really” and this would be understood as the person saying they liked the necklace but not so much that you had to give it to them.
Is there a group of very popular items that constantly make the switch from house to house as people in the community need or want them- like mathoms in Hobbit culture?
I think this is pretty common in many cultures. In Fulfulde, spoken in West Africa, there is just one word for “I like”, “I want”, and “I need.” There were a few times that I have accidentally demanded peoples’ stuff. There have also been a few times when people have basically asked for my stuff.
I guess it keeps envy down. If your neighbor really does want you stuff, maybe it’s best to give it to them and avoid the problems that is going to keep causing.
Guest oriented-cultures are different than ours. I promise you any stranger could walk into any random Fulbe house and be given hot meals and a place to sleep for as long as they like- even if that family doesn’t have enough food for themselves. It’s even common to give passing strangers money- and these are people who might see twenty dollars cash in the course of an entire year, just handing out money to strangers!
And yeah, some people do take advantage of that. There are village freeloaders. But for the most part word travels fast and people’s reputation is important to them.
