Can being around your bf/gf 24/7 lead to an unhealthy relationship?

In My Humble Opinion
1

okay first of all this is my very first time to start a thread…so I hope I dont screw up. Well here it goes…

My roommate is always telling me and my boyfriend (of 1 year)that we are pitiful(sp) because we are…can we say pretty much attached to the hip. I mean we enjoy being around each other and well most of my friends are his friends and vis versa so when we go out its usually as a group thing. Its not like we didnt try to do the whole space thing once or twice because we did, but we always ended up doing something with each other instead of our own thing. Anyhow to my question…is my roommate right will being around each other 24/7 likely lead to an unhealthy relationship?

2

For awhile being with some ALL OF THE TIME is not a problem. I see that you are at university, surely you don’t take all of your classes together. Also when you graduate, you will probably not work together, so there will be a break. Now, if you are taking all of your classes together and then go on to work together, and not just at the same company but actually see each other all of the time at work, than let me tell you it will put a huge strain on your relationship. I have known very few couples who can be together that much and continue to like each other.

Two people need space. They need to have some different interests. The relationship will be better and actually stronger in the long run. It might not be affected now by this but in the future it will.

If you are together all of the time, you IMHO need to develope separate interests and friends of your own. I especially think you should analyze your relationship if you find that you’re going to the bathroom together.

Uh, let me just reply with a been there done that, am now divorced with too much togetherness being one of the major problems. We actually worked together and tried to have a personal relationship–big mistake.

3

to kind of answer to deb2world my b/f and I dont work together, but we do have 2 classes together only because one I am retaking this class because I done really bad in it last year so he took it to help me, and the other we chose to take the same class because it of a course we both enjoy.

Oh and we dont go to the bathroom together…umm but we do take showers together does that count lol :-).

I see where you are going with all that you said and I will keep an eye out because if its one thing I dont want to do is lose my b/f over anything!

4

As long as you communicate honestly when anything does come up, you should be able to identify and correct problems as they appear, it seems to me.

5

Kremit334 I don’t see a problem with people being around each other 24/7 if they don’t mind it and they can communicate. IF they are open and talk about everything and don’t let anything get between them then the time they spend together can be amazing. Now if say on the other hand all you do is lie around and basically do nothing then I think it will cause problems. You need to get out and have fun while your young. This whole 24/7 around each other almost ruined my present relationship and I’d hate to see that happen to you. Good luck

6

I think Tiki God and the others have some good advice to offer…

I’m just going to offer a little something learned from personal experience…
Be careful not to become so involved with your SO that you can’t identify who you are as an individual. Yeah, the couple is in fact made up of two individual people (i know that fact can be blurred from time to time). Just allow each other (and yourselves) the space that you need. And COMMUNICATION IS KEY! When you can’t communicate with each other, you’re in real trouble. Best of luck to you! I wish you happiness!

7

I’m with my SO 24/7 pretty much. We’ve been together for 12 years now. We work together as well. It’s OK for us. We have outside friendships and separate interests though. I mean we’re not joined at the hip if we want to do things apart.

I do think it is harder work in some ways. I am not going to globally declare it a healthy or an unhealthy thing. If tomorrow my SO decided to work outside our home, that’s not going to be a BFD. Maintaining autonomy is important, probably more important than the number of hours IYKWIM? I’ve known people who spend less time together who are more enmeshed with each other.

8

I don’t think it necessarily causes an unhealthy relationship, but it can certainly be a sign of one.

Should you ever find yourself dating a person who demands to be around you 24-7, run. Fast. This person is either a giant sucking black hole of neediness, or is trying to isolate you from your friends and family. Either way, he or she is MAJOR trouble.

OTOH, if the decision to spend time together is mutual and you’re doing it because it feels good, no probs.

9

Hmmm I’m not a sucking black hole of neediness am I kremit334? On the other hand you don’t ever ask my opinion if I want to be around you 24/7 (little hint for everyone kremit334 and I have been together for over a year). LOL just figured I’d throw that into the mix. We are always around each other because that is just how it happens to turn out. Things could be interesting this summer considering she is moving in with me. Anyways you all have some really good input on the subject.

10

When I first started seeing my SO we were both working in the same place.

After 6+ months of him spending every night at my house he started bugging me to move in. I was very hesitant, I’d never cohabitated before. I eventually caved, as more months passed and it became clear that if I was going to feel that my personal space was being infringed upon it would surely have already surfaced. So then we were living together and working together, 24/7. And it was as easy and comfortable as breathing.

Many people had warned me that sleeping together was one thing, living together, entirely another, much more difficult.

Then we began to travel, extended journeys, 2 mnths, 6 mnths, even 10 mnths, in exotic locales. Can’t get much more together than that, I’d say. Again it was pretty much as easy as breathing.

Many people had warned me that living together was one thing, travelling together, entirely different kettle of fish, very trying on a relationship.

And time passed and we took more trips, and worked in different jobs, and still lived together.

16 years have come and gone now, we still really just want to be together, even if we’re doing different things at the time, we still have a deep and abiding need to be near each other. We have seperate interests and friends, do things on our own, and are not ‘attached at the hip’ as the world would seem to want to interpret our relationship.

Being with him has always seemed as easy and natural as waking up each day.

Don’t let other people determine what’s right for you.

We’re all different, that’s what makes it so much fun.
Do what feels right for you, and the world be damned.

I often hear from people these days how lucky I am to be in such a good relationship, I have to bite my tongue from saying, ‘yeah, it’s a good thing I didn’t listen to all my well meaning peers and judge my relationships by their experiences’.

11

I can’t even stand to be around myself 24/7.

College is different, though. Enjoy it while it lasts. Just make sure that you have your own friends/identity, so you don’t define yourself in terms of anyone else.

12

Just my opinion, but if you guys are communicating via SDMB instead of IRL, then you may run into some obstacles down the road.

13

yep… its called marriage.

14

“Can being around your bf/gf 24/7 lead to an unhealthy relationship?”

So, what happens when you need to use the toilet or take a shower? Hmmmm…

Babies are with their mothers 24/7 so its just a throwback to an earlier form of relationship. It would be quite alright if both people enjoy it.

15

Lots of good advice from others here, I see.

I would say that though having a healthy relationship where you work, live and play together 24/7 is possible, it is probably rare.

I met my SO through work. We work together, drive back and forth to work together. We started living together after about 6 months of getting involved, and mostly we play together. It’s been a little over 3 years now, and so far we’ve had only minor arguments, nothing major. There are minor irritations sometimes, but nothing that we don;t straighten out by talking it over.

We have pooled most of our friends, and usually go out together on weekends. Every now and again we go out separately, though, which can be fun.

When we travel for business it is almost always together, since we work in the same department. For all but the past two months we even had adjacent cubicles.

Would this level of togetherness have been possible with any of my exes? Absolutely not. Is my current relationship healthy? Absolutely. We can function perfectly well apart (except when I travel for business alone I have the sneaking suspicion he eats chips and dip for dinner every night, but that’s his problem, not mine :smiley: ) And we function perfectly well together. We have some separate interests, which make us end up in different sections of the bookstore/library and some shared interests. Neither of us has a problem with going somewhere without the other when the other has no interest in going.

The only real drawback I can see is that the question “How was work today?” is usually pointless.

I guess what I am trying to say is, if you can answer these questions “NO” then you might be able to sustain the relationship in a healthy way:

  1. Does your togetherness prevent you from doing things you want to do?

  2. Does your togetherness prevent your SO from doing things your SO wants to do?

  3. Does your togetherness cause problems in your relationships with other people, especially family and longtime friends?

  4. Does your togetherness cause problems at work or in your career in general?

  5. Does your togetherness prevent you from having new, separate, experiences that will allow you to remain interesting to one another?

Other people can probably add more.

16

aloha
buongiorno
guten tag
WTF?

Maybe you’re just joking around, Tiki God, I don’t know. I really hope you were. I’d hate to find out that my partner thought our current relationship was ruined by medium of internet message board. THat’s just me though, you two may be different, and - like I say - maybe you were just joking around.

As far as I know, being on the same wavelength is far more important than the amount of time you spend together. A couple in my work place live together and share an office. They’re doing fine. My partner works for the same company, but at a different site. We spend a little time apart - I like to go out on the beers with my mates and he prefers not to, so he offers me a taxi service to and from the pub. It took me a while to realise that that’s what he wanted, but right now, we’re cool. Communication is your friend.

17

IMHO (and experience)? Yes, it can. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years. After about 10 months, I let him move in with me. Big mistake. Big, big, big. Not at first because it was new and interesting and great to be able to fall asleep with him at night and wake up with him in the morning. But after a while… I don’t really know what happened, I guess. We both had jobs, so it’s not as though we were together all the time. I suppose the fact that I was used to my space and living alone had something to do with the breakup. And we got tired of seeing each other all the time. If you’re with someone constantly, you never have time to miss them. Maybe it’s just me though.

18

If you are around each other all the time, you run the risk of getting sick of each other. For short periods of time, it can be interesting to be together 24/7. My bf and I went to a week encampment together and spent the whole time together. When I went home, it was unbelievable how much I missed him.

19

Hey tansu it’s all good kremit334 knew what I meant by it and that is the important part. It wasn’t necessarily a joke and it wasn’t necessarily for real. I’m just saying the instant she read that part of my post she already knew what I was talking about so it’s not like it was new to her. I would get into the story about all of it but it’s long pointless and boring.

And as for motorgirl I can easily answer no to every one of those questions. OH for the record I’m not sick of spending time with her 24/7 I think that it’s just all our friends are jealous of us and want what we have. IN all honesty it’s as good as a relationship can get. We trust each other, we talk, we can do anything we want if we want, basically for me it is a dream come true having her with me throughout the strange journey called life.

20

Is it ok to be together 24/7? Sure, if you are with others, too. If you two are ALONE 24/7, I’d be concerned.
I’d recommend some built in separate times, like classes apart or jobs. I work with a couple who are together pretty much all the time. They work separate routes, so they are in the same room, but with different work stations. They always seem to do ok. We all know when they are fighting, but they seem to work it out. After 24 years, I guess they have the inside track.