As indicated previously my wife and I were married in a church without a marriage license ( I was going through one of my libertarian periods where I believed marriage to be between two people and God with the state having no place in the matter). Furthermore, although we have a four year old son, and live together as a married couple (well mostly, she kept her maiden name but my son is named after me) we live in a state that doesn’t recognize common law marriages. She will be starting a new nursing job with good health benefits in Jan. Can I be legally covered? I know that there are many companies that extend benefits to domestic partners (usually in gay situations) so could I be covered under these provisions?
Getting quickly married may be the easiest solution.
In my company, domestic partner does count for either same sex or different sex.
Before we got married, my wife and I were living together and she wanted to quit her job and start her own business so I was going through the motions to get her declared “domestic partner” We decided to move up the wedding instead.
The point is, it’s up to her work to determine if you’d be covered or not. The company will probably have a set policy dealing with that.
Depending on the company and state laws, it’s possible. My aunt is on her SO’s insurance because of domestic partnership rules.
See post #2.
That’s the best way.
I’m with the “get married” crowd for a different reason. As far as the question you asked, I doubt very seriously you’ll get benefits.
If you were to die, your lady friend would be up shit creek as far as Social Security survivor’s benefits go (your kid would still get them, though).
I can understand why you haven’t married, but in the event of your death the ones you love the most are going to be losing quite a bit of money just because you had a point to make (a point that Uncle Sam doesn’t care about and doesn’t even know you’re trying to make to begin with). It’s completely unfair, don’t get me wrong: people are forced to pay into SS, they should be able to leave it to anyone they choose. Until that rule is changed, though, you’re doing your family a disservice. It’d be a shame to see all that money go down the tubes for lack of a piece of paper, ya know?
You’re already living together as man and wife, is going down to the local courthouse one day and making it legal going to change anything? I can see wanting to keep the government out of your marriage, but in your situation you may just be handing them a big wad of free cash that should be going to the mother of your child.
You might be entitled to benefits only because everyone thinks you are “married.” However, if you have to file a claim and something triggers a background check (though I’ve never heard that to happen), the insurance company may very well take legal action against you to recover everything they paid out.
The answer to this question is probably going to be found in the fine print of the booklet your “wife” is going to get when she starts work in January. If not, she’d do well to ask her human resources rep to get a definitive answer. This is a YMMV answer, because it depends on the employer and the insurance company.
That said, she will be able to carry your child on her insurance.
And, for the love of God, borrow five minutes of a judge’s time, pay the thirty bucks, and get legally married, already!
Robin
Well, there are now additional reasons that I don’t think marriage is an option:
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I don’t think she would marry me given that she states (usually during arguments once a month or so) that she intends to leave me when our four year old son turns 18. To illustrate her mentality she lets me carry/use the ATM card (I don’t have a bank account), but won’t put me on her checking accounts. Don’t get me wrong I’ve done things to deserve this treatment. For example she bought her own wedding ring of QVC and proposed to me after she learned she was pregnant. Furthermore, for Anniversaries I usually get her something like Duralube, and jumper cables.
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I go to nursing school full time and get basically a “full ride” with Federal Pell Grants, State aid, and Stafford and Perkins loans (the Perkins loans will be forgiven if I work as a nurse for at least five years, but the Stafford will have to be paid back). This pays my tuition and books plus gets me a check for about $5,000 per semester without which we couldn’t pay our monthly bills (even with her new job since she is also going to school and will only be working about thirty hours per week). She lives at the same address and also gets student assistence (which will probably end with the higher paying nursing job). In fact, we decided to show her as a “renter” (I actually collect $150.00 per month in rent) and we have created a lease to support this so that we minimize the risk of running afowl of federal student loan guidelines (this now becomes especially importent since she will be earning enoungh money to disqualify me from aid).
You’re going to stay with this woman for 14 more years, so she can then leave you? “Wife” indeed.
Have you never, in the heat of an argument, said/have said to you, something that was supremely hurtful but not literally meant? If you haven’t, you’re either very lucky - or you haven’t lived. And there are plenty of ‘legally’ married people who would say the same thing.
“Wife” indeed.
RD has a lot of issues with his SO. A LOT. Read some of his past threads.
[hijack for thought]
Why the hell are you with this person? For the kid? Don’t don’t don’t don’t stay for the kid. You’ll mess him up even more than he already is* I could say so so so much more, but this is GQ.[/hijack for thought]
The only way this will get decided is through her company and the insurance company. Their policies are the only thing that matters. Also, are you sure she’ll even allow you onto her insurance given your ‘rocky’ history?
(*all parents mess up their kids. it’s their job. some just do a better job than others :D)
Roland,
My employer, a Fortune 1000 based in the Mid-West, indicated that they performed no “validation” of the fact that we were married, but my HR rep. noted that insurance fraud was probably included under “reasons we’ll fire you for moral turpitude”.
Have your female (based on your history, I refuse to call her wife or significant other) consult with HR about this. If the HR partner in question is confused, I strongly urge your female to request that the HR partner escalate the issue to someone who would know… maybe an HR director.
Certainly, it is true that you ARE married.
It is NOT true that you are LEGALLY married.
Your best argument is that “in my mind, and in good faith, I believe that I am married.”
May Opal save you, your female and your child. Good luck. Make good decisions. Get a therapist if you don’t have one already.
Yeah, that’s really gonna be good for the kid’s mental health when he gets older.
I’m not a big fan of legal marriage, but I don’t think you’re going to get much luck going after the trappings of a legal marriage while not legally married. Employers extend domestic partner benefits to gays and not straights for a simple reason–straight couples have the option to get married legally, gay couples don’t (yet!). I’m sure that if legal marriage was extended to all couples there would be no such thing as “domestic partnerships.” So yeah, it sucks that I can’t get on my SO’s health insurance even though I need it badly, but that’s a perk of marriage and I’m not ready for that yet. Opposite-sex couples should feel grateful for the privilege of even getting to choose marriage at all.
Are you saying that the policies of employers who offer “domestic partnership” coverage specifically exclude heterosexuals within the policies? For all they know either Amy or myself could be transexuals not wishing to make the fact public (we are not unfortunately as this might simplify our situation). The situation is complicated by the fact that all of our friends and famalies operate under the assumption that we are legally married (a fact which I have set several friends straight upon much to her chagrin.)
I know at least one computer consulting firm that I worked for had not a single reference to gender in the part of their HR policies referring to “domestic partner” benefits. In fact, their definition of domestic partner was broad enough that I was able to (but chose not to) include my straight same-sex roommate that I shared my apartment with.
The policy didn’t mention romantic involvement or marriage at all, and I would imagine that if her employer’s policy was the same as my old firm, you’d have a very good claim to domestic partnership based on your living arrangement.
Oh yeah. This might be a good use for one of those $30 for the first half hour consultations with an attorney. The availability to you of an enterprise-class health care package is probably a $3000 value per year or more unless you’re extremely healthy.
Seconded. Both my former and my current employers’ policies are written this way - they mostly go into a fair amount of detail re: how financially interdependent on each other you have to be. But they mention nothing about romantic involvement or gender. I could even cover a parent if he/she were living with me and financially dependent on me.
However, they do mention that you probably want to consult with a tax advisor, as if you are not legally married the value of the benefits may be taxed as income.
While perhaps well intended, comments regarding Roland Deschain’s personal situation are not really relevant to the question asked. If anyone has legal information regarding the ways in which companies may set or restrict domestic partner relationships or if one has legal/financial information (preferrably stronger than mere opinion) regarding the advantages of “tagging on” to a domestic partner’s employer’s insurance vs buying one’s own, it is welcome.
Please refrain from commenting on his personal situation unless he opens a thread on that topic in one of our other Fora.
Thanks.
[ /Moderator Mode ]
FWIW, Roland, I’ve never been asked for a marriage certificate when putting a spouse on my insurance. In fact, the only time I’ve ever needed a marriage certificate for spousal benefits was so Airman could sign me up for military coverage, but they needed the certificate for other things as well.
However, and this is a big however, claiming legal marriage for the purposes of insurance coverage or other benefits where none exists, and where a non-married partner is excluded from coverage, can be construed as insurance fraud, which is a crime that can result in jail time. Even if it doesn’t, a criminal conviction can bar you from professional licensure, which you would need as a nurse. So don’t do it.
Since your finances are apparently separate, you might want to look into an individual policy until you graduate and find employment (and insurance) on your own. There are some out there that are fairly inexpensive.
Robin
Well, concern about insurance fraud is exactly the reason that I won’t “glom” onto her policy unless it is through a domestic partner loophole. Unfortunately, I have health issues which eliminate the possiblility of an independent policy these include being a thirty five year old male and:
a. Hypertension which was borderline, but has grown into full blown Stage I (averageing around 145/92) since nursing school clinicals started.
b. Obesity- My weight has grown from 265 to 275 since nursing school on a 6 foot two inch frame.
c. The bad root canal which caused my left face to swell during the finals weeks (now resolved through antibiotics and garlic, but the root canal still needs repaired).
d. Microscopic hematuria of unknown etioliogy (3 cells on a bright field microscope of normal morphology). However, my BUN and Creatinine levels are completely normal.
e. A history of childhood type B lymphocytic leukemia from age 10 to 15.
So health insurance is more than academic for me since without it I cannot even afford high blood pressure medications. Since it seems highly in question whether or not I will be able to legally get onto her policy I will focus on the following:
a. Trying to lose weight with diet and exercise.
b. Trying to follow a DASH- caloric restriction type diet to control hypertension.
c. Supplementation with low dose aspirin and garlic ( I will add fish oil high in Omega-3-fatty, EPA, DHA acids once my student loan money comes in).