I don’t want to rape or molest anyone, but based on that other thread, I started wondering - how much interaction can an adult man legally have with an underage girl? Let’s say you meet someone online, chat a lot (kind of like the “To Catch a Predator” things), but it’s never sexual - is it legal to then meet in person and hang out?
What could an adult and an underage girl do? I mean, I’m assuming they can legally hang out and be friends, even if it looks weird and creepy to everyone around.
It’s not illegal to be friends, AFAIK. You probably can’t transport her across state lines without permission from the parents. Your biggest problem will probably be “Why does a guy in his mid/late (just guessing here) 20s want to be friends with a high school sophomore? Especially if he isn’t planning on boning her?”
Do you hold hands and/or wrestle a lot with your non-fifteen-year-old friends?
I think people of all ages can be friends. Have you ever belonged to a club or organization made up of a very wide range of ages? One group I belong to has members from the age of seven to seventy-seven. Many of us consider each other to be our friends. But we rarely hold hands or wrestle. . .
I used to have a very good friend who was 8. The dratted child has become 11 now, and I missed it because I was out of town. We’d hang out, talk, do ‘activities’ like going to the zoo or the aquarium. Sometime’s we’d be out over a major meal period and we’d eat out - just me and the little girl who was totally unrelated to me in any way.
But I made real sure to get to know her parents and be friends with them too. I always asked ahead of time if I was disrupting school work or family time. I took no for an answer, and stood up for Mom if the kid whined about it.
We all had a good, happy, extended family kind of relationship. I could call and ask for permission to take the kids (after a while the toddler brother reached personhood) as a vent for my life, and it would give her a vent in her life. If something came up and she couldn’t get there in time to get the brother out of preschool, I almost always could.
So it was friendship with a kid, for sure. And I’m still friends with her. But being friends with a KID means that you have to have a relationship with the family as well.
Otherwise, it’s creepy and you are who they are not supposed to talk to: that guy who won’t come to the house and meet mom and dad.
I’m 31 and friends with a 16 year old guy. But 16 is pretty much an adult mentally. BUt I don’t think it’s illegal and I would definitely get to know the family.
My 17 year old daughter has had friends with lousy home lives. Over the years, she has invited them along when we have done various weekend stuff. This has consisted of museum trips, movies, restaurants, kayaking, etc.
I’ve never considered wrestling with any of them though. Maybe that is why the propriety of the situation never came up.
If you’re asking where the legal line is beyond which you could be charged for something like statuatory rape (which is probably the only GQ interpretation of the OP), I imagine that, since the age of consent varies from state to state, the wording of the laws that define what constitutes “sexual contact” vary as well.
Yes, most of them (the laws) are quite explicit about what parts of the body may not be touched (usually the genitals and breasts, also the anal cleft) and most often specify that they cannot be touched on either partner for “sexual gratification” or something of that nature.
I had to review them in massage school, 'cause there are parents who schedule massages for their kids. My rule is that a parent has to be in the room with us at all times, and the kid can wear as much or as little as s/he wants, but I will be using sheets to cover all illegal body parts at all time (which I do regardless of the age of the client.) I usually recommend a bathing suit for kids, although adults often strip naked.
As a parent, I want to know who my kid is friends with, but I do encourage friendships with adults I know and trust. This raising a kid thing is hard, and sometimes kids will talk to friends, even grown-up friends, when they won’t talk to their parents. Several of my friends and I have an agreement that we trust one another’s judgment, so if my kid talks to his/my friend about something, I may or may not hear about it, depending on what’s best for my kid in the judgment of the friend. That is, if he’s working through something juicy that he really needs privacy for, but an ear to vent to, then I won’t be mad if I don’t hear about it. Again, this is only possible when you really trust the adult friend.
When I was 31 and living with my fiance in Florida my 15 year-old niece would often fly down to visit by herself.
Since my fiance wasn’t into “adventure” type activities it was my niece who would go with me to parasail, jet-ski, go on roller coasters, etc. and we always had a lot of fun.
But I guess if she wasn’t related to me it would be kinda weird.
The important thing here, and in other posts above, is not that you were members of the same family.
The important thing how you treat each other–is it as parent/child, or as 2 equal adults? In other words : Who is in charge?
If the 15 year old knows that your role is to be the parent, and you know that she is the child, then it’s okay.
If the 15 yr old thinks that she is your equal partner, and you think that she is your equal partner–then it’s weird.
And if neither of you know who is in charge—then it’s just plain creepy.
A very simple way to test this: imagine saying to the youngster:“stop acting obnoxiously. Stand in line quietly like everybody else, or we’ll go home, now.”
If you can bring yourself to give those instructions, and if she obeys your authority, then you are the “parent”, and everything is okay.
(on review: I guess this is more like an IMHO post than a GQ, but I think it’s relevant)
At 15 (per the OP)? I don’t agree at all. I wouldn’t dream of speaking to my goddaughters like that, even though I’ve been given free reign to by their parents. I’m not their mother, thank goddess! I’m their friend, albeit an adult friend. An adult friend to a teen need not be the same as an adult friend to an adult, but neither does she need to be authoritarian or parental.
I’d be much more inclined, were my godaughter acting up like that in public, to whisper, “Jeez, you are so embarrassing! Knock it off, will ya?” just like I would to another adult friend. And if she didn’t, then I wouldn’t hang out with her anymore, just like an adult friend.
I’m happy to give advice (although a few of you might have noticed I like to do that to adults, too ) and be a sounding board and a co-conspirator (within legal limits) just like with my adult friends. I do watch some of the things I say to them because they’re also friends with my son, and there’s a TMI factor to be aware of, but there’s no hierarchy in our relationship.
) and be a sounding board and a co-conspirator (within legal limits) just like with my adult friends. I do watch some of the things I say to them because they’re also friends with my son, and there’s a TMI factor to be aware of, but there’s no hierarchy in our relationship.