Can I REALLY be a minister?

Factual Questions
21

IANAL, but I was a real Christian minister for a while (3+ years, actually). I was never officially ordained, however. Ordination in my denomination means that the elders of your home church deem you “worthy” and pass their blessing, and then you get a certificate or something. In my case, however, the good people of Rochester Christian Church in Rochester, Illinois didn’t “think the time was right,” or something. I didn’t pursue the matter, since I already had a preaching gig at the time and the church I was preaching at never made an issue of it (actually, they never asked).

Apart from preaching, calling, visiting the sick, etc., I did about 10 baptisms, three funerals and three weddings. The baptisms and funerals presented no real legal issues, of course. Now, on to the weddings.

All three weddings I did were in Illinois. On the marriage license I signed my name followed by the words “Minister of Christ.” No one has asked me or any of the people I married about it, and since the parties involved all paid the fee and filed the license like they were supposed to, who the hell cares?

Another note: when Mrs. Rastahomie and I got our marriage license in Jasper County, Missouri, I asked the clerk if the minister doing the wedding would need to present some sort of credentials. She told me that since we had shown our I.D. and paid our fifty bucks, the good people of Jasper County could care less if Joe the Town Drunk did the ceremony, so long as he signed the form and mailed it back.

Bottom line: check with your county clerk. I imagine 99% of the county clerks in America want only your ID, your money, and someone else’s signature on the license. YMMV

22

I read on the Selective Service website that being a minister of religion exempts you from the draft. Does that mean I can join the ULC or the Church of the SubGenius or even declare myself a Discordian Pope and get out of becoming cannon fodder?

23

Anyone can be “a minister.” As you’ve discovered, a ULC declaration that you are “a minister” takes a maximum of two minutes to acquire.

Any baptized Christian can conduct a baptism. The problem is, it’s essentially meaningless if the baptizer or the baptizee has no idea of the WHY behind each step in the ritual. Just like your ULC card is ultimately meaningless.

When a wedding takes place, the bride and the groom marry each other. Everyone else present, including the minister, is simply a witness to the event – so that nine months later, daddy can’t back out of the deal with “No, I didn’t either!”

Funerals take place for the comfort of the living, not the rescue of the dead from their presumed destination. You don’t have to be ordained to say, “There, there, I’m so sorry, don’t worry, she/he is in a better place now.”

The whole point of a recognized religion (not, e.g., the Church of Bob) ORDAINING someone is to say to the world, “This person has the full faith and credence of our faith community.” You have to prove to the Powers That Be of your faith community that you know your ass from a hole in the ground, that you’ve read your Bible AND THOUGHT ABOUT IT for more than two minutes, and that you’re going to be the kind of representative of your faith community that other members of your community can be proud of.

Who is proud of the effort and achievement of someone who paid five or ten bucks – or, as with the ULC, zero – for a piece of paper? Seminary took me thousands of dollars in tuition and three years of really hard, hard, HARD full-time work. THAT, I’m proud of!

Meaning derives from what you invest, not from pieces of paper. Which is more impressive: a piece of paper saying that you’re the quarterback of an NFL or AFL team, or actually investing the work and the sweat and BEING the quarterback of a professional football team?

Mary

24

Yes, but…technicalities. A long time ago, I got my cert from ULC. I checked with my state’s Atty General. He said if you’re licensed in any of the 50 states, Indiana recognizes that. I can freely marry folks, conduct services, collect free will donations. No problem. However, if I want to declare my house a church to avoid property taxes, or funnel all my money through the church to avoid income taxes, I shall expect to have to provide attendance records and yadda yadda yadda to show I’m actually running a church. Such is the line separating church and state.

25

The OP didn’t bring up this issue, but I will.

It’s fine with me if people want, for one reason or another, to mail away a few dollars for a piece of paper that says they’re clergy. If it strikes you as good for a laugh, or a conversation piece, fine by me.

But MANY of the people who send away for such certificates do so under the erroneous belief that their “clerical” status exempts them from taxes that everybody else must pay. And MANY of the mills that send out ministry certificates (I don’t know about ULC) encourage people to believe that. As a result, periodically, you’ll see large groups of people who enrolled in some such “ministry” get arrested and taken to the cleaners by the IRS.

To MOST intelligent people, it should be obvious that being a clergyman of ANY denomination confers very few real tax benefits. Andrew Greeley is a genuine Catholic priest, but he pays taxes on royalties from his mystery and romance novels. Reggie White is a genuine minister, but his salary from the Green Pay Packers was subject to the same taxes that an atheist lineman would have to pay. And if Jerry Falwell buys a summer house, he has to pay property taxes on that house like anyone else.

Religious organizations can get exemptions from corporate taxes and SOME property taxes- but ONLY on property used directly for religious purposes. Meaning, if the Catholic Church has a little chapel on a large tract of prime real estate, ONLY the land the chapel itself sits on is exempt from property taxes. The rest of the land is taxed.

So, if you’re a computer programmer, say, and you get a ministry certificate, do NOT get the idiotic (and dangerous notion) that your salary is now tax-exempt. Do NOT stop paying property taxes, on the grounds that your house is a “church.”

In short, IF you must become a bogus “minister,” do it for fun- NOT for profit.

26

The ULC materials clearly state that you can’t claim any tax deductions just from getting a certificate. Where they make their real income is selling you materials advising you how to set up your own congregation and they recommend books on financial and tax issues.