Hey, GIRAFFE! You bisexual? We know that tongue is 12" long and prehensile…
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Nope, it was this. (Warning - Powerpoint file.) I can’t vouch for any of it.
But it did say that the average copulation time for chimps is three seconds, and for minks it’s eight hours. I think the life of a mink is the life for me.
I assume you mean you’re volunteering, then. I already said I thought what MouseSpouse did was funny only in Bizarro world.
Actually, I think the problem here is that poor Mouse_Maven was damned either way.
I don’t buy that her husband didn’t consider her likely reaction. I do believe he didn’t consider what her reaction would result in. He was looking to get her to react in a big way, so he could say, “April Fool!”, or something of that nature. He wasn’t looking to try to explain it to police (though I think it’s good he had to).
Can you imagine the amount of shit he’d give her if she hadn’t reacted as he thought she would? “Wow, babe. You care so little for our child that you didn’t even raise an alarm when you thought he was being abducted.” Even if she had recognized him off the bat, he was banking on her not being able to do so, and wouldn’t have believed her. That’s what made the prank (briefly) funny to him.
Unfortunately, because he didn’t think it through, she (and more so he) was damned when she reacted exactly as he wanted her to, because then the police had to come and check it out, as did everyone in the store. Hopefully that will show him why pranks of that nature are a bad idea. Stick to buckets perched on doors or something.
Those of you without kids may also miss the 100% hyperfocus on your kid. Kid is gone - boom you’re in tunnel vision mode where NOTHING registers until you can lay eyes on and see that there is no danger.
I think all parents at some time experience that time where the kid is out of sight, and with no trigger, you instantly know it’s “too” quiet. Adrenoline overdrive, no matter what is happening, you have to find the child. And it’s happened that you found the kid a mili second away from something really nasty. Of course, most of the time, it’s nothing and the kid is playing quietly.
Sometimes the instinct is triggered, and the acute focus you have for that interval of time over rides everything else. Only finding your kid, and avoiding any obstacles in your path. This happens to me pretty frequently but only for a few seconds.
I don’t have any kids, but a friend of mine has five scars down his ribcage from when he thought that dive-bombing on me as I tried to swim the length of the competition-sized pool underwater was a Fun Idea - by the time I recognized him, I’d already gouged him and found the surface (he’d knocked the air out of me). Another one tried something like what Mouse_Hubby did with my little brother, who was a toddler; I grabbed him as he snatched the kid and his shirt ripped…
When you perceive yourself (or your months-old extensions) to be in capital-letters danger, you don’t know the difference between a friend, an outer space alien and a Bengal tiger.
Ahem… **18 ** inches long…