Can my adult supervisor date an underage employee without repercussion?

[mshar253]

This may belong in GQ, but since it’s related to a more personal matter, I’m choosing to put it here. I hope that’s OK.

I work for a well-known chain-restaurant company. One of the lower-level managers at my stores is dating a 17-year-old host. The age of consent in my state is 16, but there can be only a 4-year gap between the two parties (he’s 26, and therefore in violation of the law).

I raised concern about this to one of the higher-level managers at the store. An investigation was launched. Apparently, during the “investigation,” the hostess admitted to the more-senior manager that they have gone on multiple dates, but nothing physical has happened. During my employment at this company, I’ve seen this manager do some fairly reprehensible things to dumb teenagers (his M.O. is to sleep with them and treat them like dirt, as well as spread the rumors about his "conquests), but, until now, these “victims” have been legal adults.

The upper management, inexplicably, like this guy. I’ve told them before that it’s extremely inappropriate that a manager could do the things he’s already done and remain in his position, but their mentality seems to be that he’s a stupid kid and he’s growing into his role as a supervisor and these are his growing pains. I thought this would finally be the crushing blow, but I’m not so sure. The two head managers seem to be deliberating about what they can do; they clearly don’t want to fire him (again, inexplicably).

So here’s the crux of my question: Like I had said, this is a major national restaurant, and there are posters throughout the store that direct employees to telephone lines they can call if they feel there are problems regarding discrimination, EO, sexual harassment, etc. This doesn’t necessarily fall into any of those categories, but I imagine there are outlets to voice issues like this if management is stagnant about doing anything. Is this usually the case in situations like this?

Moreover, I feel like I accomplished my mission by getting the girl to tell upper management that they are indeed in a relationship insofar as they’ve hung out with each other in their homes and have gone shopping together. I’m curious, though, if that is enough to raise concerns about statutory rape; do they have to be actually caught in the physical act of having sex – something that would be virtually impossible without my dedicating my life and sacrificing my sanity to stalk them?

[Oakminster]

Cynic that I am, I would not be surprised if they decide to fire…you. Which doesn’t mean I agree with that course of action.

I think the senior management should either fire the lower manager, or tell him to stop dating his subordinates and attend sexual harassment training. Otherwise, they are possibly exposing the company to liability for sexual harassment, and risking negative publicity.

At this point, since you have already raised the issue, I think you should probably go ahead and call the sexual harassment number and explain the situation. That might cover your ass in case local management decides to fire you and sweep this under the rug.

[Chronos]

A manager dating someone he’s in a position of authority over might well in itself be against the company’s sexual harassment policy, even independent of the ages involved. You’ve got multiple layers of skeeviness here.

[Crown_Prince_of_Irony]

I’d call the corporate ethics line and file a complaint with HQ. I’ve worked in situations where older managers (always male - go figure) take advantage of younger female subordinates, and I’ve always felt that it crossed a line.

Romance between teammates is one thing, but between a manager and a subordinate usually runs afoul of most larger companies’ policies, due to the liability of a potential harassment suit.

And unless you are management, getting in the middle of a situation like this, when the guy in question is clearly seen as a golden boy by the local middle management, is a bit risky. If I were you, I’d call the hotline, and not mention another word about it to your local coworkers.

[Dangerosa]

May or may not be in violation of the company’s policies. I’d think it would be. There is also the concept of sexual favoritism - if she gets more money, better shifts, etc due to her relationship with him, then you have a compliant - but one that is unlikely to end up with any sort of resolution other than you getting fired.

However, as someone who spent a lot of time writing and trying to get corporate policy enforced - policies are very often selectively enforced. I’d start looking for a new job - you’ve made enemies here and I think even if you report it to the ethics line and its against policy, they are going to choose keeping their site management over you.

[Quartz]

@mshar253

I work for a well-known chain-restaurant company. One of the lower-level managers at my stores is dating a 17-year-old host. The age of consent in my state is 16, but there can be only a 4-year gap between the two parties (he’s 26, and therefore in violation of the law).

So why haven’t you spoken to the police?

[Ferret_Herder]

@Quartz

So why haven’t you spoken to the police?

Dating a 17-year-old isn’t illegal. I’m also pretty sure the OP isn’t a mandated reporter, so a suspicion that they’re fucking - which they’re both denying - isn’t sufficient.

[amanset]

@mshar253

The age of consent in my state is 16, but there can be only a 4-year gap between the two parties (he’s 26, and therefore in violation of the law).

You seem to have forgotten about a rather large “IF” there. Seems to me you’ve made up your mind and you just want some validation.

[Grrr]

So… another six months and this wont be an issue? Guy is a douche… but I have a hard time finding any moral outrage over this.

I think I’d keep my mouth shut.

[Bricker]

@mshar253

Moreover, I feel like I accomplished my mission by getting the girl to tell upper management that they are indeed in a relationship insofar as they’ve hung out with each other in their homes and have gone shopping together. I’m curious, though, if that is enough to raise concerns about statutory rape; do they have to be actually caught in the physical act of having sex – something that would be virtually impossible without my dedicating my life and sacrificing my sanity to stalk them?

From a criminal law perspective: no. Merely dating, hanging out, or going shopping together is insufficient to get to probable cause for statutory rape.

They either need to be caught, she needs to get pregnant and get a DNA test, or one of them needs to admit it.

[Quercus]

What exactly are you trying to do and why?

As far as looking out for the company goes, I think you’ve certainly met your obligation. And frankly, I agree that the company is not likely to be grateful to you if you pursue this any more. Feel free to call some national hotline, but I’d only do so very very anonymously. Even then, the local management may well blame you and fire you even if there’s no proof you were the one who called national HQ. If you don’t really give two craps about the company’s well-being, but just want to have a workplace without all this creepy stuff, well, the answer is the same: you’ve done all you can do and if upper management likes things this way, that’s there choice. Your choice is to keep working there or find another job.
If you’re trying to look out for the young woman, about the only thing you can really do now is, if you’re already close enough to her, gently point out what the guy has done in all his previous relationships with co-workers, and leave it at that. Either she’ll understand and care about what’s going to happen to her, or she won’t; in the latter case, she (like the company) will not be grateful to you for trying to force the issue.

[Eonwe]

@Quercus

If you’re trying to look out for the young woman, about the only thing you can really do now is, if you’re already close enough to her, gently point out what the guy has done in all his previous relationships with co-workers, and leave it at that. Either she’ll understand and care about what’s going to happen to her, or she won’t; in the latter case, she (like the company) will not be grateful to you for trying to force the issue.

Right, but she’s too young for what she thinks to matter. Poor girl.

ETA: (post intended to point out how odd statutory rape laws can be.)

[GrandWino]

@Bricker

From a criminal law perspective: no. Merely dating, hanging out, or going shopping together is insufficient to get to probable cause for statutory rape.

They either need to be caught, she needs to get pregnant and get a DNA test, or one of them needs to admit it.

I don’t know, a good friend of mine was in a similar situation (he and the girl were both a little younger than this situation, but same gap and same violation of the law) and the girl’s parents got my friend charged with statutory. They didn’t have any solid evidence, just circumstantial as with here, but my friend ended up having to take an Alford Plea (couldn’t afford an attorney to fight the case, and it looked like he’d be found guilty anyway). He had to do some time in jail/probation/and had to register as a sex offender.

[PandaBear77]

You need to file this under MYOB and start looking for a new job.

[Mtgman]

@mshar253

One of the lower-level managers at my stores is dating a 17-year-old host. The age of consent in my state is 16, but there can be only a 4-year gap between the two parties (he’s 26, and therefore in violation of the law).

I’m confused. If the age of consent in your state is 16, then at 16 they can have legal relations with pretty much anyone, regardless of the age of their partner. The age of consent is the age of majority for sexual relations. Just like at 18 you can mortgage your life away to credit card companies, predatory lenders, the armed forces, etc. at whatever your state’s AoC is, you can consensually bang, and be consensually banged by, pretty much whoever(no cousins, parents, siblings, etc. in most states) with no legal offenses being committed. The bits in the law about age differences in the parties are probably so-called Romeo and Juilet laws.

Teenage couples before either participant has reached the age of consent, or after one has but the other has not, may engage in consensual sexual conduct as part of an intimate relationship. In such cases, the older of the two participants is technically guilty of rape as any consent between partners, even if freely given, does not meet the standard of law as it is given by a minor. “Romeo and Juliet” laws, serve to reduce or eliminate the penalty of the crime in cases where the couple’s age difference is minor and the sexual contact is only considered rape because of the lack of legally-recognized consent.

About half of the states have those provisions now, and it sounds like yours may be one.

In general I agree with the personal advice. If you’re concerned with the mental and physical health of the younger party, then attempt to develop your friendship with them and either help them see the risk in this relationship or become a support point that can help if it goes awry.

Enjoy,
Steven

[Marley23]

@mshar253

I work for a well-known chain-restaurant company. One of the lower-level managers at my stores is dating a 17-year-old host. The age of consent in my state is 16, but there can be only a 4-year gap between the two parties (he’s 26, and therefore in violation of the law).

He’s not violating any laws if she’s 17 and the age of consent is 16. This isn’t statutory rape or anything of the kind. I think you’ve misunderstood the concept of “Romeo & Juliet” exceptions. Those apply to couples where one person is underage and the other person is slightly older. If both people are above the age of consent, it doesn’t matter how big the age difference is. Primer on the relevant laws.

I think you should let this go. You’ve talked to human resources about that potential issue. I guess you’ve talked to the hostess about the guy being a sleaze. If so, you’ve covered your bases.

[GrandWino]

Are there other reasons you don’t like this supervisor or the girl in question? Would you even care if he was someone you liked, or are you just finding a reason to cause trouble for him?

[mshar253]

@Bob Ducca

Are there other reasons you don’t like this supervisor or the girl in question? Would you even care if he was someone you liked, or are you just finding a reason to cause trouble for him?

Other than his treating the work area as a place to manipulate, use, then humiliate the female employees there? No, that’s about it.

[FlyByNight512]

It’s seriously inappropriate for a manager to be dating someone who reports to them, especially when it’s teenage girls and an older guy. I’m sorry to hear that local management has allowed this guy to treat the workplace like his personal hunting grounds, that is a major dereliction of duty on their part. If they’re still debating about firing the asshole, I’d wait it out to see what they do. If they do nothing, then I’d consider calling the corporate hotline if you’re willing to face the possible retaliation. If the asshole starts bragging about his conquest or it otherwise becomes clear that he’s been sleeping with her, especially while there’s still an age gap that is technically illegal, that’s more ammo you can take to corporate.

As much as it sucks, there is probably very little you can do here. Warning new employees about the asshole’s past behavior may be the best you can do.

[twickster]

Moved from MPSIMS to IMHO, home of threads for both legal and interpersonal advice and opinions.