So, you guys have been very helpful about my roomate (PucksRaven)'s romantic problems. Maybe you can help me.
I wrote a thread a few weeks ago bitching about my dateless status at the company party. I eventually decided to sort of go with the only other unmarried person in my office. He and I have been sort of flirting/circling each other for quite some time. I was concerned something bad might happen at the party (bad in the mortifying-morning-after sort of way).
As it turned out, I had to drive myself to the party, so I couldn’t drink. He stayed sober with me and while the rest of our co-workers got drunk and stupid we sat off to the side and just talked. For hours. It was very much like being on the best of first dates.
Before it was just a crush, now I actually like this guy. Seriously. And it’s mutual.
Is dating a co-worker a horrible idea? It seems like it would be. It’s a small office so it’s not like we could hide it-- though I think most people know anyway. But I haven’t hit it off with someone like this in the longest time. He’s not even going to complain about the hours I work, he’s just as bad! (Actually, scheduling could be a problem, but that’s another story).
Seriously, if you’ve got horror stories to scare me with, do it now before I jump off this cliff.
The thing you have to ask yourself is that if you start a relationship and it doesn’t work out, can you be mature enough to see him every day at work? Is he mature enough to see you?
I think inter-office dating is fine. I mean, how else are you supposed to meet people if you can’t date the ones you work with? I mean other than bars and the SDMB Many people I know met their significant others through work. Give it a try. And promise yourselves that if it doesn’t work out, you will both be mature about it.
Good luck! I hope you are not the jealous type (him, too) because if it doesn’t work out, you will have to see him everyday afterward. Even if it does work out, are you the type of person that will watch his every move and if he chats with other girls, get upset by it?
I’ve had a friend go bonkers over a guy she worked with and when he even so much as looked in the same direction as another girl, she wigged out. They didn’t last the month before they broke up and she got to see him flirt with other females at work. It tore her up for the longest time until she got another date. I spent many an hour on the phone, trying to help her through the mess and pain. It took a toll on me, too! Just be careful.
I also live with a woman that I met through work and we’re both very happy.
My company is like one big dating agency, I know of at least 5 couples where both parties work for the company (a few are now married).
Just means we are not allowed to work on the same projects, which is fine as I’d hate to be on the project my partner is on for the next 2 years.
There’s also a couple that have split up but as long as both people act professionally (which they do) there are no problems.
A big concern for would be how much you work with him during a normal day. Working with someone can get your nerves sometimes and being in a relationship with the same person could make it more tense.
How good are you (and him) at leaving work at work and personal issues out of the office??
My wife and I do rather well working on projects together at home, but sometimes we get on each others nerves. To me it’s great to leave my work issues there and have a break at home, so it wouldn’t work if I couldn’t do that.
I’ve seen couples that have met at work and it worked out. I’ve also seen it fail miserabley. For my wife and I, we were lucky we didn’t have to work together for very long.
This was before we were married and were just dating. She was an assistant store manager at a Babbage’s store (They sell PC software, gaming systems, etc.) and I was a sales associate at a different store. She got transferred to my store as asst. mgr. For the 2 weeks she was there, it was utter hell for the both of us. We both unconciensously kept changing our behavior around each other to try and treat each other like any other of the staff that worked there, but it never worked and some feelings got hurt. Fortunately, she got a promotion and transferred to another store as manager. I learned that in that situation, where one of us was in a supervisory position to the other, that we would not do well.
So it could work, but it could not work. Just be careful, and good luck.
I hate to be the one raining all over this love-in, but I’ve always believed (and been told) that office romances were a definite Bad Thing™. “Don’t sh*t where you eat,” my dad always told me.
Maybe I’m now hopelessly behind the times, and this is suddenly acceptable, given that everyone else seems to spend 90% of their time at the office. It’s not an option for me, as there aren’t any single women in my office anyway.
Sorry I don’t have any “horror stories” for you, Obsidian, but I think you do need to plan ahead. Could this guy become your superior (or vice-versa) at any point? Do any of you deal with customers that would be affected? Is the only reason you have your eye on him because he’s the only other single person? I noticed you said yours is a small office; that further underscores my opinion that this is a bad bad idea.
And as much as I love her, I have to take exception with my good friend nyctea. There are plenty of places to meet people besides bars, work, and the 'Dope. Isn’t SanFran one of the biggest populations of young single people in the country?
First, love ya too mike! Secondly, examples, please? Where are these “plenty” of places to meet people? I have been single for over a year now and the past year has been horrible. (Although I should say the nicest guys I have met so far have been from the SDMB!)
When I was single again after 9 years, I was very discouraged about how to meet people! It was easy to meet guys in college. But after college, I found few options. There were a few guys who caught my fancy that I worked with, but never dated, although I would have if the circumstances were right. Meeting people at bars sucks…I dated a few guys I met at bars and those failed miserably. OK, so there is meeting people through your friends, but there comes a certain point at which you have met all your friends’ friends and you run out of options. And there are things like singles clubs, groups, online dating–NO thank you.
But meeting people at work can work. At a newspaper I worked out right out of college, there were about 4 or 5 couples that got together while I was there who eventually got married. The second paper I worked at, there were several couples there too. There were never any problems. So maybe you should re-evaluate your opinion on office romance, mike. I am sure you would change your mind the moment a cute girl started working at your office…
But since I work with majority women, I guess I’ll have to stick with the plethora of awesome guys from the SDMB hehehe
Its not so easy as all these success stories say. For every happy ending, there’s at least a hundred broken hearts. This is your career, btw. There can be a terrible downside to this for you proffessionally should things not work out.
Besides, exactly how much togetherness can you stand? If you ever move in together, you’ll be next to each other all night long, be driving each other to work, and working side-by-side for 40 hours a week. But if you think you can avoid being smothered, or that you can get through any harrassment suit or that you can live with any potential orders of protection, then go for it.
Some things to think about - does your company have an actual policy about this?
How easy will/ would it be for one of you to find another job?
Do either of you have a role in the company (like HR) where confidentiality and neutrality are inherent job requirements? Salesman dates secretary may be less likely to cause job loss than payroll rep dates comptroller.
What are you most concerned about - possible job loss/ career limiting move, or messy personal drama causing misery? They are not, however, mutually exclusive
Well, I hate to hijack the thread, but there’s any number of possibilities. Such as: learning to dance or rock climb, joining a book club, getting involved in community or religious organizations, or dozens of other things I haven’t thought of. Whatever people happen to be interested in. And yes, set-ups or Internet personals work too, but you’ve conveniently disdained that idea. I find it’s best not to go into such situations with the intent of meeting “someone,” just to have a good time and enrich my own life.
…Of course, what the hell do I know? I’ve been single since the last century and have hardly even been on any dates in the last 3 months.
What makes you think it hasn’t already happened? I work in an engineering firm, however, so any “cute girls” that have worked here already had husbands or boyfriends.
IMO, it’s cool. I met my husband at work. We’ve worked together for 5 years, been married for 2. Our office has a policy that we can’t work in the same department, so I guess that makes it easier. There are 4 couples at our office now, so we’re not such a big deal. The hubby and I also have a policy that work stays at work, and home stays at home. That sort of separation is hard to do at first, but essential in the end.
N/A in our case. The HR girl is the biggest gossip around.
GrizzWife and I have been together for 14+ years. We were co-workers and dated at the same time.
But, in our case, she took a job with another company several months later, so we didn’t have the possible trouble with being together nearly 24/7.
How long do you anticipate working for this company? How long does he anticipate working for this company? Is this a career oriented job or a way to pay the rent? Meeting through work can definitely work out, I know several couples who met this way.
Many people I know met their significant others through work. Give it a try. And promise yourselves that if it doesn’t work out, you will both be mature about it.