Can my employer hire anybody other than cackling hens with HUGE ASSES?

The BBQ Pit
1

Every talks about this obesity epidemic, and holy shit are they right! I work in an office that is 80% women, the overwhelming majority of which have the hugest asses known to man. I have to site here and listen to them support each other through their fatness. One will bring in donuts, and then they all cackle “who’s the bitch that brought in the donuts?” as they scarf them down with no self control. All they do is whine about their diets, and none of them do anything but balloon out even more. One particular fat ass is now on the new Atkins diet . . . since she can’t eat normal candy, she comes over to my neighboring cubicles candy dish and sniffs at the candy! It’s revolting! All they talk about is fat, diets, their fat asses, chocolate, and their fat asses some more when they’re not bitching about their husbands or kids.

HAVE SOME FUCKING SELF CONTROL AND PUT THE FUCKING DONUTS DOWN YOU FUCKING SOWS!

*This is directed towards the women at work and not women in general

2

Well, your employer hired you, apparently. If you don’t mind what are the dimensions of your ass, BTW (with and without head up it)?

3

Oh, holy mother of god. Have fun in the giant fucking shitstorm of your own making.

4

Makes sense to me. Everyone knows that where there are huge asses, there’s a huge asshole not far away…

5

Well, I don’t have a tape measure lying around, so I can’t get specific. But I assure you the last thing I’d ever be accused of is having a huge ass.

If my head was up my ass, it still would not resemble the jiggling rolls of my female coworkers. It would resemble the ass of a health-conscious male with a large object stuck in it.

What are the dimensions of your ass? (although I have a pretty good idea already)

6

Maybe the chairs in your office are too big. I’ve heard that asses are like goldfish - they adapt to fit in their environment. That’s why I sit on a bicycle seat at work.

7

Interesting theory . . . but the chairs are all identical, while the asses vary in size from large to dumptruck.

I prefer to ride my bike after having taken off the seat.

8

Somehow I don’t think your “disclaimer” is going to help you much. :rolleyes:

[sub]Could this be the first intentional flameout before the subscription service begins?[/sub]

9

Maybe, just maybe, between working and taking care of their kids and putting up with their husbands, just maybe they they’re a little short of time to exercise? (And, no, cutting their caloric intake will NOT help them keep weight off.)

Do you think maybe they just think there are things more important than you and your pissy petty little sensibilities?

And, hey, here’s a thought! Maybe they get hired because they do their work and are good at it?!

If they’re not, please let me know where you work, so I can get my resume in as soon as one gets fired.

10

They can choose to ignore it if they wish, it doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

11

So they should indulge in donuts and chocolate all day because it’s a lost cause? Please!

With asses this large, all you would have to do is stop pigging out and go jogging for 15 minutes a day and they’d lose a lot of weight.

Ordering diet soda with their double cheeseburger won’t cut it.

12

Two words. Not very big words, pretty easy to understand. To help with pronunciation, they rhyme with “null kit.”

BULLSHIT. A proper, balanced and calorically adjusted diet is 90% of weight loss.

13

Fuck off, rhinostylee. Some people just gain a lot of weight because of their metabolism, even if they don’t eat any more than the average person. And if you do have that body type it takes a lot more than 15 minutes a day of jogging to take that weight off, let alone keep it off.

14

[Bullshit.]((And, no, cutting their caloric intake will NOT help them keep weight off.)) Check the forums.

15

Bullshit. Check the forums.

16

Actually, FUCK YOU Admiral Thistlebottom. You don’t work at my job, so you don’t see these women pig out all day. I already established that these women have no self control. Metabolism shmabolism . . . if you eat like a pig you are going to be fat like a pig. I think a lot of people like to sit around all day and rationalize why it is that they are fatter than shit rather than commit to the work it takes to get in shape.

17

Well, throw out a number, then, and we’ll see how you do.

18

Okay, well let’s see. 9? 16? 42?

How did I do?

19

And this is your business…why?

20

One particular fat ass is now on the new Atkins diet

Atkins is about 32 years old, and you call it “new?”