Can someone give me a million bucks?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I could sure use it. That new 2000 Mustang sure looks nice. I’d like to get me one.

There are a lot of whorehouses here in NV, I’ve been meaning to visit some, but have been short on cash.

Steak and lobster, well, it’s been a long time.

Damn creditors, what part of “I don’t have the money” do they not understand?

I’d really like a cell phone, a large wardrobe, a Rolex, and a pair of expensive name brand shoes. (I don’t even know what the expensive name brands are)

So, if someone out there has an extra million to spare, I sure could use it.

There’s always another beer.

2

checks loose change in couch

I’ve got 25c, will that do?

“So what you are telling me, Percy, is that something you have never seen is slightly less blue than something else that you have never seen.”

3

Ask Bill Gates at askbill@microsoft.com. I’m not kidding - this is a legitimate email for the public to directly contact Mr. Gates. Frankly, I’m not optimistic about your chances, but if you don’t ask…

4

Damn, where did I put the petty cash envelope?

Tenacious, like a coonhound tracking a poodle in heat.

5

I’ve got some bottles & cans you can have. :slight_smile:

6

Sure, I have a million I could throw to you…

Oh wait, you mean real money. I thought you were talking about play money.

Shadowfox

7

Okay, I’ll give you $1,000,000 but what do I get in return?

8

Well, Beeruser, I would give you a million dollars. Really, I would. But the paperwork is such a pain and my accountant would work up a real snit at the tax implications. Besides, it would just present you with a brand new set of problems.

It’s not the gift, it’s the thought that counts.

The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik

9

A million dollars? Gosh, that’s kind of asking a lot, isn’t it? Why don’t you set your sights a little lower? Like, maybe a million zlotys?

10

Will you take a personal check?

Zymurgist

11

Please send SSAE.

12

No problem, mon. I’ll hook ya up. Do you want it in 100s, 20s, or what?

The interest rate is a mere 25%. Compounded monthly.

Please have the full amount ready by the due date, or Vinnie and “Fish Lips” Louie will have to “consult” a payment plan with you.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

13

Hey boss, do me and Vinnie get a cut in the “payment”?

“Fish Lips” Louie

14

The usual terms, Louie.

Just remember to give the “donation” to the police ball.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

15

Sealemon88, since when did my cousin Lynn turn me over to you? I’ve been working for Lynn since before she started posting on the AOL SDMB. She’d never turn me over to someone outside our Family. Are you another cousin of ours or something? Or are you just another amateur trying to horn into our business? We don’t like competition.

Vinnie
Semi-official SD expeditor

16

Give $1M to someone who doesn’t have any money and soon that person won’t have any money.

It’s not the money, it’s the attitude to money that’s the clue.

People who want to invest want to make a lot of money. What is a lot of money you ask them? Oh, enough so I have a roof, food, medical, etc. Most of the time people haven’t a clue what they mean by ’ a lot of money. ’

I would like to note that one of the richest persons for the time, a Onassis fella, came down with Myasthenia Gravis [& for which I was working at the Salk Institute to find a cure for] and no amount of money could cure him. tsk.

17

I could give you 10¢ a day for 273973 years. Would that work?

18

I’d like to help you out, Beeruser, but I’m saving my pennies to buy me a Rothko.

How would you look hanging on my wall? (But you’d have to change your name to Art.)

19

KJ, sure.

The lottery does that. You win $1M, they just put like $450,000 into a zero coupon bond and the interest thru 20 years makes it $1M.

Most people don’t know that.

So, a logical extension, 10 cents in a 20,000 year zero coupon bond could come to that.

20

Vincenzo writes:

Youth! Calm down, Vincenzo, I’ll just reason with him. Besides, you haven’t completed that errand for me concerning those rat bastiches at the Humane Society.

Don Vito
“I’ll reason with him”