From “JLA Self-Mutilation 80-Page Giant”-- THE PASSION OF THE BAT (Not a dream! Not an imaginary story!)
(SCENE: THE JUSTICE LEAGUE SATELLITE)
GREEN LANTERN: --and so, to resolve this question once and for all, Batman and Superman have both agreed to a race. At my ring-signal, Superman will attempt to tear his own head off before Batman can crucify himself.
WONDER WOMAN: Um… does anyone remember what the point of this contest was?
GREEN ARROW: Don’t act so innocent, babe. How can you expect people to trust a leader, if he can’t even tear his own head off when the situation demands it?
WONDER WOMAN: But… it’s impossible for a person to tear their own head off! I mean, physically impossible! And how can someone crucify themselves, for that matter? How could they nail their last hand down?
GREEN LANTERN (FORMS GIANT STOPWATCH WITH RING): And… begin!
(BATMAN INSTANTLY LEAPS INTO THE SHADOWS AND EMERGES WITH A SPECIALLY PREPARED BAT-CRUCIFIX. LEANING IT AGAINST THE WALL, HE JUMPS INTO PLACE AND PRODUCES THREE HUGE IRON NAILS AND A BALL-PEEN HAMMER FROM HIS UTILITY BELT. TEETH GRITTED IN AGONY, HE DRIVES ONE NAIL STRAIGHT THROUGH BOTH FEET, THEN HAMMERS HIS LEFT HAND DOWN.)
BATMAN: …HRNH! …HGHHH! …NNGGHHGHH!!!
(WITH INHUMAN DEXTERITY, HE DROPS THE HAMMER WHILE HANGING ONTO THE FINAL NAIL, ITS POINT FIRMLY PRESSED INTO HIS RIGHT PALM. BY SHIFTING HIS CENTER OF GRAVITY, HE ROCKS HIMSELF MADLY BACK AND FORTH, UNTIL THE CRUCIFIX FINALLY PITCHES FORWARD, CRASHING TO THE FLOOR… THE FORCE OF THE IMPACT DRIVING THE FINAL NAIL HOME!)
SUPERMAN (WHO HAS NOT MOVED AT ALL): Oh, well… I guess you win, then. (SHRUGS)
GREEN ARROW: … …Wow. You really are a dick!