Can You Be In Love With Being In Love?

I’ve always been a fan of love (at least for me). But I think it’s the thought of what love is as the reality has never been all that great. Either I love them and they’re sort of good on me or they love me and I’m like eh.

You absolutely can. It’s a common mistake of the very young, but some people stay that way their whole lives.

I know lots of people (women usually) who have a romanticized notion of love. Although they may start a relationship all giddy, it doesn’t last past a few months because butterflies in your stomach can be easily mistaken for “love.” The result is brief periods of joy followed by perpetual unhappiness.

Yes, you can, because love is a pretty awesome feeling. High highs, low lows - it’s kind of like a drug that your brain manufactures. I’ve spent a lot of time throughout the years cultivating crushes on various people because it just felt awesome to be in their presence. Finding someone who also loves you is even more incredible. But it is certainly not the only thing you need for a successful relationship.

No. Impossible. You just forget how fantastic it is; which is why I feel it’s the duty of those who’ve recently been in love to remind the others that they’re neglecting something big.

I had a giddy teenage infatuation with being in love. It didn’t survive in any form past my early 20s.

Ironically, I never found out what true love was really like until long after I’d forgotten about the idea, and then I majorly fell in love at the age of 48. Now I don’t even bother with the concept of being in love, because I’m just completely absorbed in real love for my sweetie, and it’s a vastly more awesome experience than I ever could have conceived of before. I think maturity brings so much more depth and richness and deep appreciation of the wonder of it all to an autumnal blossoming like ours.

P.S. I once heard a Sufi giving a talk about the human heart—how a fool walking along might see a diamond on the ground, mistake it for a chip of glass, and kick it aside. And asked do we treat people’s hearts like that…

You can dress it up with romantic notions of how you view love, but this just sounds like you have a very straightforward problem with intimacy. If you are asking philosophical questions about the nature of love, rather than looking at how you behave in relationships, I would suggest you are probably asking the wrong questions.

As I would define the term ‘in love,’ being in love with being in love would be technically meaningless, like having a calling for having a calling. It doesn’t even make any sense.

OTOH, being infatuated with the idea of being infatuated is quite common. Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels, the dizzy, dancing way you feel, and all that.

I think I meant if we define love as this “thing” and we (hopefully) can identify it emotionally by some age as a genuinely good thing, then can you really like it too much or do just recognize it for what it is whether you have it or not, good or bad? Like sex for instance; whether you’re having it or not, whether it’s superamazing or super disappointing, you recognize that (if you’re doing it right) it’s generally something pleasant that you look forward to sooner or later. Recognizing that fact doesn’t necessarily mean you have a problem, though you certainly could if it’s all you ever thought about.

I think my question is more along the lines of does it fall into that category even really. Perhaps it’s something about perceptions versus reality.

According to Ziggy, yes.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve gone from thinking that every crush was love to just enjoying the crushes for what they are, which are ‘people that make me feel very good being around them’. In my case, they tend to be people I really respect or admire, as well, so there’s the bonus of just being happy knowing they’re in the world.

I haven’t confused that for love in a while though, despite my mental excitations and ‘squee!’ reactions; I just keep that all on the inside and go on with my day, a little happier. :stuck_out_tongue:

go to a SLAA meeting (Sex & Love Addiction Anonymous)