Did you get the feeling of wondering what’s wrong with you that you just can’t love this guy? I thought then that other people could make themselves love someone if they wanted to, and I was just messed up because I couldn’t. I even thought for quite a while that I wasn’t capable of falling in love with anybody (at least not with anyone who would reciprocate- I did have quite a few crushes on gay or otherwise unavailable guys) because I couldn’t love that guy.
It’s been very reassuring over the past ten years to find out that I could fall in love with somebody, and that other people can’t make themselves fall in love with someone, either.
What I was also going to say in my earlier post, but couldn’t (and still can’t) find the right words to say, is that I think you have to be at peace with yourself before you can truly love another person. I know some people put it that you have to love yourself first, but I’m not sure love is the right word.
You and I both know, Hippos, that you are not at peace with yourself yet, and I think you probably need to fight and win those battles first.
I hope that doesn’t come across wrong, it’s meant kindly.
I wasn’t able to control it. I wasn’t even looking for it. I was looking for learning Mongolian language and because I had had an arranged marriage I had never falling in love before and really didn’t know what was wrong with me.