Can you explain how to dance to a 15 year old?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My beautiful 5’10’ daughter came to me tonight asking how to dance. Not “booty or freak” dancing, just plain old “hey let’s dance” kinda dancing.

As I was not the social butterfly, I am at a loss. I tried telling her the same things I gleaned at her age and beyond (be yourself, feel the music) but she, like myself at that age, just does not get it. I have tried demonstrating, but that doesn’t really do anything for her, as I am very “Elaine-like” (obscure Seinfeld reference) in my flailings. A search on Google comes up with all kinds of specifics, but that is not what I am after.

Whaddya you do with your feet? whaddya do with your arms? Do you just mimic your partner? What if the song has fast and slow parts, how do you cope with that?

Your input is appreciated.

2

Well now… As best I can recall, I first learned from my sister, who learned “the steps” while doing pajama parties with other girls in their early teens. Does she have some girls that are friends she can practice with?
This may be out of vogue now. It was long, long ago, in a galaxy far away when I learned.
Barring that, mimicing (following) an understanding partner is also a good way to learn.
Good luck to her, this is one area where the benefits are worth the effort required to learn. :slight_smile:

3

Chances are your 15-year-old daughter will encounter no more than your typical slow dance at her high school dances or proms or whatever, which takes mere seconds to learn–girls holds guy’s shoulders, guy holds girls waist, sway to music.

4

now in the world of high school, there are all sorts of “dancing”. i myself, hippie dance. basically you just sway to to the music bobbing your head eyes half closed, and then be prepared for jocks to beat you up. oh wait…that’s why i dont dance in public. i’ll leave now

5

I like Goth dancing - there are basically two dances, one where you pretend to be looking for your contact lenses and another where you do kung fu in slow motion.

6

Wow, I have lots of advice here! For good contact-dancing (e.g. dancing in which the partners have clasped hands) technique, there is only one way to learn, and that’s to find a partner who already knows. I would ask around to your relatives, friends, etc … and find out if your daughter has an uncle, cousin, neighbor who is comfortable dancing at weddings. He doesn’t have to be a master of the flamenco, just someone who can impart the basics of rythm and placement. Put your daughter and her “instructor” in the living room with the stereo cranked to some mid-tempo music like Sinatra or (dare I say it) pop country. Country is awful, in my opinion, but it has the right tempo for learning basic dance steps. Stay away from the two-step for now since it can be confusing, and stick with the basic one-step-for-every-other-downbeat. Hence, if dancing to Sinatra’s “New York, New York”, steps to lyrics would be like this:“It’s”/left foot step - “Up”/no step - “To”/right foot step - “You” no step - Pause/left foot step … etc … In other words, if the beat is “1, 2, 3, 4”, you should step on 2 and 4, or 1 and 3. That basic step will get her through any song that isn’t a raging House mix. For the subtleties, like dips and turns, a good leading partner will take care of all that, and it should feel natural to follow.

Some general rules:

Partners should not be too close or too far away. About six inches from chest to chest is enough to leave room for the woman to turn her shoulder in when changing directions, any more than that looks weird.

When stepping, don’t stop moving. Each foot should be sliding or gliding towards the next step at all times (as long as we’re keeping it simple). So, the steps should feel like this: step, sliiiiiiide, step, sliiiiiiide. So that when weight is on one foot, the other is moving towards its step. That’s what gives dancing its flow. Otherwise, it would be walking.

Partners should look at each other, and not their feet.

I just realized I was getting preachy, so I’ll stop there. Fast and/or club dancing is another ball of wax entirely, but I can go into that, too, if you want. Although I’m certain no one wants, at this point!!

7

The stepping mentioned above is usually on beat 2 and beat 4 which are the strong beats where you hear the snare drum hit or similiar “whacking” sound. If it’s reggae, the strong beats are usually 1 and 3. Have you though of sending her to private lessons? Aerobics class? How about a video that you can rent from you local Block Buster.

8

I’m DYING to learn how to swing dance.
I’d also like to learn Irish and Russian folk dance, Irish clog dancing and basic ballet. I also want to learn to waltz.
A REAL Strauss waltz, not some stupid box step they call waltzing.

9

There’s one fast and simple rule when it comes to dancing.

Women are always right, but they have to follow.

All ‘traditional’ dance steps start (for a female) with the right foot. Cha cha, waltz, merengue, Rhumba, swing, etc… In each case the woman starts with the right foot-- usually moving backwards.

If you really want to learn the basics, show up at a class. They’ll usually let you get one class free- which will be more than enough if she’s got a sense of rythym.

As for what she’ll do in high school-- beats the heck out of me. My school ended up cancelling every single high school dance because of booze problems among rowdy crowds. Just one more thing to hate about high school.

10

Lyllyan, dancing is one of those things that is impossible to teach through words. Your daughter simply will need to spend time dancing after first having learned the basic steps of a few given styles. The simplest styles are rumba, waltz, and fox trot.

The most useful dance to learn, IMHO, is the rumba. It’s a leisurely-paced dance and it’s easy to correct mistakes mid-stream. Only a very few basic rumba moves need be learned before a dancer can look fully competent on the floor. A LOT of slow rock-and-roll and “light” pop music goes to a rumba beat, som just knowing a little rumba will go a long way. People commonly “clutch and sway” to rumba music, so actually knowing some rumba can make you look pretty good by comparison.

Examples of rumba songs would be “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith, “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton, “Just The Way You Are” by Billy Joel, “Take My Breath Away” by Berlin, and “I Swear” by All 4 One. An experienced dancer or a formal instructor can recommend good rumba tunes and get your daughter used to listening for the rumba beat in today’s popular music (and it’s pretty pervasive).

Once your dauighter has the rumba down, she’ll be able to pick up other dances surprisingly quickly. A basic waltz box step is pretty much the same as that of the rumba, only with a lot of rotation, sway, and torso rise-and-fall added. The waltz may not be super-useful at a high school dance in 2002, but maybe a waltz or two will be spun. Maybe they’d play “Unchained Melody”? Other waltz examples include “Kiss for a Rose” by Seal, “Could I Have This Dance” by Anne Murray, and “Open Arms” by Journey.

The fox-trot does not use a box step, but the basic steps are very simple. This dance is probably best for events where Frank Sinatra, Johnny Mathis, The Platters, and the like will be played, like a 50th anniversary party or a traditional wedding reception, rather than for a high school dance. “Love of a Lifetime” by Firehouse, however, is a modern example of a fox trot song.

If your daugter takes to dancing, she can give swing a try for fun. Starting with the single swing, she can learn a few basic turns and passing moves and look REALLY good on a floor full of high-schoolers … if her date can swing too!

Really, though, if your daughter can rumba, and teach her date rumba’s basic steps and the underarm turn, she’ll have a fine social slow dance under her belt. She won’t have to resort to the “clutch and sway” is she’d rather not.

11

Is anyone else amused by the fact that Barbarian seems to be the most skilled dancer in this thread? :smiley: I’m trying to picture Conan doing a nice little tango with Valeria…

12

The best advice I can think of is dance like you mean it. Like you’re having fun, like you’re digging the music, like you like your partner. What you actually do is less important than attitude you have. Dancing is supposed to be fun, so relax and don’t worry. Don’t worry about looking silly. Everyone looks a little silly when they dance, but no one looks sillier than those folks who just stand there with their drinks and bob their heads.

13

Wow. I am impressed. Are you a pro dancer/instructor, or just damn good? Dancing is something I love, but have never been good at. Took some intro lessons once, and scared myself with my clumsiness. How could I be a successful gymnast, boxer, and unarmed combat instructor, and not be able to waltz properly? I gave it up.

Since it’s finally apropos, I’m including my sig for the first time in 100-some posts here.

14

Where is she going to be dancing? Because as cool as ballroom and swing are, and as much fun as they are to learn (and I highly recommend she take classes if she’s at all interested) they don’t come up much at 15. (Or, maybe things have changed drastically since I was in high school)

For most high school dancing, she’ll step right and tap with her left foot and then step left and tap with her right foot to the beat - repeat ad nauseum. If the song is faster, the steps are bouncier, and you kind of bounce. If the song is slower, the steps will be more glide-y and you sway more than you bounce. Occasionally she can turn, if she feels like it. Her arms sort of sway - and if worse comes to worse, just copy the people around her and do what they’re doing. Being overcreative is probably a mistake at first…following the crowd generally saves people from Elaine like moments.

If she’s dancing with a partner, mimicking will work just fine.

15

Just a thought, Lyllyan, but are there any contra dances in your area? Lots of places here in N.C. have them once a week. I can pretty much guaran-damn-tee you that the style of dancing will be different than what she’ll find at a high school dance, but they’re a great way for beginning dancers to get used to dancing with partners and dancing in time to music. Most contra dancers are really friendly and come in all ages and sizes, so it’s less intimidating than dancing with the super-cool hottie in your homeroom.

16

Rumba, eh? Foxtrot, she can do, but it never occurred to me that formal (?) dance could be used.

::strikes forehead:: Duh!
Alot of these ideas sound like they could be quite entertaining. I am going to look into dance instruction for the two of us. The Rumba sounds like something I could do. And, I have a 9 year old boy who needs to know the niceities of dance also. I do not want him doing that goth dance that Badtz Maru mentioned. That was just way too reminescent of my own high school days.

And burundi, what is a contra dance?

17

I’m looking at all these great responses, thinking like “Way!” and then I think of one thing…
Most boys don’t know anything about leading.

If she doesn’t know how to express herself using her own style she should try watching other people dancing and see if there’s any physical movements/styles that she likes. Dancing is somewhat of a personal matter of feeling the music and adjusting your body movements to something you’re comfortable with. If she doesn’t try, she’ll never get it. Oh, a mirror and some private space could be of use…

As for partnering, she’s stuck unless she can find a boy that likes dancing. Partnering is great when you get two people who are “in tune” with each other. Otherwise it can be truly awkward. But there’s always the traditional “slow dance” where you don’t have to do much as a couple.

18

Contra dancing is sort of a cross between English country dancing and American square dancing. It can make you feel a bit like being in a Jane Austen novel. Most of the steps (allemande, promenade, swing) are the same as in square dancing. I know, I know, it sounds a bit dorky and not like something a 15 year old would enjoy, but it’s a hell of a lot of fun. There’s almost always a live band and a beginners’ session beforehand to teach newbies the steps. I love it, not only because I love dancing, but because most contra dancers really are terrifically friendly. It’s one of the few occasions when I’ve seen a room full of adults and teenagers all having fun. It’s great for gaining confidence and learning that dancing is a blast, not something to be worried and stressed about.

19

No … just an on-and-off dance student. I didn’t know diddly abour ballroom dancing until my wife signed us up for dance lessons six months before our wedding.

That was 3 years ago, and my wife and I still dance and apply our lessons to this day. We haven’t stuck with formal lessons continuously, but we do take non-credit dance classes at one of the local colleges every so often … maybe twice a year we’ll go in for an inexpensive six-week session. We try to make events where we can use what we’ve learned so we don’t lose it – an example is attending Oktoberfest in New Orleans every year so we get a chance to brush up on the waltz. When “Edelweiss” kisks up, we’re on the floor.

I guarantee you can learn to waltz (or rumba, or fox trot, or swing) at least at a basic level, but you’ll have to let yourself look bad for a few weeks.

Lyllyan, don’t necessarily think of rumba as a “formal” dance. My wife and I get just as much mileage out of the rumba in bar rooms as we do at black-tie events. Rumba is a great all-purpose dance.

Lyllyan, I forgot to ask earlier – what kind of music is your daughter interested in dancing to? Does she have any specific bands or songs in mind?

20

Two things I forgot to add: like square dances, contra dances always have a caller. Before each dance, the caller walks you through it a few times. This is really nice, especially for beginners.

My second piece of advice applies not just to contra dancing, but to all dancing and, well, life in general. Your daughter will have a lot more fun if she’s willing to ask guys to dance or to dance with girl friends rather than sit and wait for a guy to ask her. I really didn’t enjoy dancing until I figured out that most guys were as nervous as I was and that I should just bite the bullet and ask them myself.