Some little kid made fun of my dancing this weekend

In My Humble Opinion
1

I attended the wedding of a close friend of mine this past weekend. I was up north in his hometown just south of the Wisconsin-Michigan border.

Needless to say, these people know how to drink up there.

Needless to say, I don’t dance unless I’ve had a few.

Well, not only did I have a few, but I also decided to go up and dance towards the end of the night.

Big mistake.

As I busted a move, or so I thought I was busting a move, this kid of another friend of mine looked at me, and started laughing.

The little shit.

Now I know I can’t dance, but still, it’s depressing to see a little kid look and laugh at you while you sweat up a storm trying to impress the ladies. It’s even worse still when you know that the kid is right- I must have looked like a fool.

If you asked me what I looked like out there, my best guess is I looked like a drunk Al Gore – not a shred of coordination or rhythm to begin with, combined with the haughty lilt of an inebriate.

Even I admit it must have looked pathetic.

It wasn’t the kids’ fault, or even anything I blame him for. We had been playing basketball and goofing around long before he laughed at my dancing, so he knew I wouldn’t be offended, and I wasn’t- he was ribbing me the way I’d rib anyone else.

Besides, the kid was right and I knew it- my attempt to dance was laughable.

As God is my witness, I will practice my moves in the closed secrecy of my apartment until I can actually look in the mirror at my own dancing ability and not want to point and laugh like that kid did.

Make me feel better. Does anyone else have the dance ineptitude that so torments me? Better yet, what did you do to overcome the torment that is, ‘dance ineptitude’?

2

Yeah, I feel your pain. At my first high school dance (circa 1978), a couple popular girls told me I danced weird. 23 years later I still can’t get out on a dance floor. Any rythmn I used to have left me that day leaving nothing but two deeply inhibited left feet.

3

My suggestion? Dance lessons.

Seriously. Did wonders for me. Sure, it’s touch-dancing, but after enough lessons, your coordination in general goes way up, and even non-touching, wedding-reception or club dancing gets lots easier. Your dancin’ muscles just memorize moves; it gets to where you don’t really even have to think about it, particularly when you don’t have to worry about leading or following. Give it a shot!

4

My suggestion?

Hip-check the little snot into the punch bowl. If your dancing is that bad, people might even believe you when you tell 'em it was an accident.

5

Hey, it could have been worse. I was always a clumsy, uncoordinated child, which I only recently learned was due to a congenital disorder with my balance. My parents’ solution was to enroll me in a ballet class at age 6. What a stupid idea. I suppose they thought I would learn to move gracefully, but all it did was subject me to ridicule every time I went to class. And when it got around the schoolyard that I was the only boy in ballet school, I was subjected to daily beatings at recess. Thanks Mom and Dad! In response, I deliberately became even LESS coordinated just to prove it wasn’t working, and did everything I could to bail from the class. I lasted about 3 weeks.

6

A friend of mine took Karate and Ballet. He said they complement each other. I believe him.

At least no-one kicked him arround :wink:

7

I can understand taking lessons to learn slow dancing, which, by the way, I can do fine, but what about club type dancing?

That kind of dancing I can’t master.

Are people born with that ability? Or is it learned?

I mean, my previous GF could dance like… like… <sniff> she was able to… <sniff> I can’t go on.

Ahh, memories. Those sons o’ bitching things.

But, to get back to me, how can an uncoordinated (At dancing anways) person make it look like they are on the dance floor?

Are there any books? A video? Someone I turn to for tips?

8

I’m sure you still looked better than Elaine.

What a little sh*t! I’m glad you can laugh about it though. I can still remember someone in high school telling me I “bounced” on the dance floor. It was a coupla’ years before I got back out again.

My advice? Get a Danny Terrio video, a big mirror and a weekend when EVERYBODY else will be out of the house and go bust a move. Thanks for the laugh above.

9

The best part of going to a wedding is watching other people dance badly.
No matter how drunk I am, I still know enough not to attempt dancing.

At the last wedding I went to, my husband and I focused on one guy who we named ‘Frankenstein’.
Some quotes from that night:
“Frankenstein no like dance. Dance BAD.”
“Me no move torso”
“Dance make Frankenstein angry! Uggh!”

It might be mean and horrible to make fun of other people, but when you don’t dance and everyone else is, you have to amuse yourself somehow. :smiley:

Rose

10

I can’t dance either, but I’ve learned to use that to my benefit. I can’t sing at all as well, although God has apparently punished me with a wonderful memory for lyrics. He taunts me so!

Anyway … as many have said, weddings are a wonderful opportunity to drink. But how to know when to stop?? Well, my handy-dandy rule is as follows:

(1) When I start singing along to the music/with the band, I know I’m starting to get there. Slow down a bit, but still drink, still enjoy yourself.

(2) When I start thinking “you know, I’m not THAT bad, I should go out on the dance floor,” then it’s time to cut myself off. No more alcohol, and even finishing the drink in front of me is questionable.

So if you can’t sing and can’t dance, like me, bang these two rules into your brain so they’re easily remembered when drunk, and you’ll never get TOO drunk again!

(As an aside, be careful how you share this theory. I was at a wedding once and asked to dance by a lovely young lady, and with this theory in mind I jokingly responded “sorry, I’m not drunk enough yet.” I’m just glad I was able to explain myself before she kicked my ass. lol.)

11

Heh. Am I uncoordinated? I can perform double sinawali, a martial arts pattern that involves intricate movements with two swords and ducking and weaving to evade the swords of my partner. I can dodge thrown weapons with fair consistency, and sometimes even snatch them out of the air. I can even walk and chew gum at the same time!

I still can’t dance worth $#!*–fast, slow, ballroom, or club I look like a total imbecile, a whale in tap shoes. Coordination won’t save you. Dance lessons might be good for you, but there are some of us who are beyond help.

Not to be discouraging or anything… :wink:

12

I was at a bar called the Graduate in Davis, California, 11 years ago. I too, had had a few. I was dancing with a gorgeous, tall brunette, and I too, tried to “bust a move”. I think MC Hammer might even have been playing (he was hot then), so “busting a move” would have been appropriate. The gorgeous brunette was aghast, and whispered frantically, “Stop it, stop it!”.

We ended up getting married, and I’m still not allowed to bust a move in public. (My 6 year old daughter thinks my living room dancing is fantastic; unfortunately, I’m pretty sure her appreciation will change in the not too distant future.)

13

They do. I kept trying to convince this one ballet dancer with a black belt that she should at least make an effort to look violent when she clobbered some guy in sparring. She made it look like she just happened to feel like raising her foot into the air and her sparring partner’s chin happened to be there.

14

When they laugh at you that’s the time to launch into The Macarena or the electric slide or even better do the old sizzler (lick your thumb and touch your ass while making an SSSSSS noise)all the while making comment about how you were only dancing badly so make the others look good.

Then just ignore the assholes.

15

[Tranquilis]
Get yourself a copy of Stressdance by Masaad Ayoob, and read it. Twice. Three times. Place a copy in the bathroom. Learn it, live it. Now, go back to the ballroom, and practice some more. Practice till you’re sick of the sound of disco, 'till the guys at the ballroom know your birthday, 'till they know the way you like your music, and have Neil Diamond playing when you pull up.
[/Tranquilis]

16

I agree with LindyHopper, learning to dance (any kind of dance, waltz, polka, tango, one-step, swing, square…anything) will help any other form of dance. Or at least you can say, I’ll dance if they play a waltz.
Try Tango, it’s practically walking and makes even the geekest guy cool. Or try One-step, it is walking.

17

I also agree with Lindy Hopper. Swing is good as it can be used with almost any music.

But go with the brutally honest friend who will tell you that you suck and what you need work on…in fact, if the kid lives nearby, take him with you.

Other people in the class will just think “Eight (or 4 or 6 or 3 or whatever the magic number is for that dance), he can’t count to EIGHT. Did he just miss that day in kindergarten and somehow become a successful, charming person without being able to make it from 1 to 8 consistently?”

But once you learn (even if you’re bad), you can ask women to dance & they’ll be impressed, and the other women will notice and they’ll be impressed.

18

I was in much the same position; I don’t recall be publicly ridiculed but I’m sure there was much pointing and laughing behind my back on the few occassions I got inebriated enough to stagger out on the dance floor. Didn’t happen often because the distance between “drunk enough to dance” and “too drunk to stand upright” was very, very short.

Then my wife persuaded me to take swing dance lessons with her. The instructor started at the absolute beginning (“this is your LEFT foot…”). Just very basic stuff, simple turns and such.

It made a huge difference. Now mostly I still avoid dancing, but at weddings and such when you don’t have as much choice it’s nice to be able to go out and do something that looks like something besides a seizure. Swing works well for this because it fits a variety of music, and with even just a few moves it looks pretty impressive.

You do have to invest some time for this to work. Plan on at least a few classes (ours were 5-6 weeks long, one night each week), and you really need to practice some in between the lessons to get it down. Well, at least I did. My wife and I practiced regularly for the first few classes we took and those moves stuck very well. We’ve taken more classes since them (more advanced moves), but didn’t practice much and didn’t get nearly as much out of them.

But if you really want to learn, you absolutely can. If you can pick out the beat of the music at all, you can learn enough dancing to look great at weddings.

19

I feel I need to reiterate what I said in my initial post since I’m getting e-mails encouraging me to keep my chin up and not let that kid get me down.

I’m neither down about the whole thing nor am I upset at that kid. But I appreciate the notes of encouragement. It’s just that I’m not that upset about it.

I actually find it kind of funny because I know I can’t dance and know others out there aren’t being fooled when I try. This kid simply pointed out the obvious.

Like I said, he and I had been kidding around earlier in the day and I think he knew I wouldn’t be upset. After he pointed and laughed, I walked over to the kid and started giving him all kinds of shit and play ‘fought’ around with him. At one point I put him in a headlock and told him to get out there and dance himself, if he thinks he so good. He did, and it wasn’t that good, and I mocked him too.

So, it was all good and fair.

I actually believe he partly goaded me to get me to start goofing around with him again. Like I said, it was getting late and he was running out of friends to play with and I had moved on from basketball to seeing what my chances were of hooking up with the ladies were for the night- kids were not an area of interest at that point.

I didn’t put that in the initial post because I wanted to it short. Sometimes I assume people will think only one way when what I write what I write, but it can often be taken two ways because I leave out key details. That’s my fault and I should have included it. Because the way it comes off, if my e-mail is an indication, is that I’m upset about it. Trust me, I’m not.

Besides, I’m not about to fault someone who is honest. Nor do I fault them when they go about it in a way that isn’t hurtful.

When it comes to situations like I described, I’m a pretty easy guy- it takes a lot to get me upset.

Anyrate, I don’t mean to go on about that part of the story. But since I rarely get unsolicited mail telling me to ‘keep your chin up’ and ‘don’t worry about it’, and even a ‘you should have told his mom’ e-mails, I realize I wasn’t clear enough in my initial post.

So, a ‘just so you know’ clarification from me telling you all that I’m fine. And I do appreciate the e-mails.
Now then, the consensus say I should take up line dancing, ballroom dancing, and other kinds of dancing.

Cool.

If that’s what it took to get dance coordination from those that never had it before, than I’m willing.

I’m willing to try it because I’d often like to dance but don’t, because I know I look foolish. Or, as someone else so rightly put it- look like I’m having a seizure on the dance floor.

Someone else mentioned, or asked, if my dancing resembled Elaine’s dancing episode on Seinfeld.

At first I laughed at that comment because I think her’s was worse than mine. But the more I think about it, the more I think it’s a fair comparison. Fair in the sense that she seemed to be trying too hard.

In a way, that’s my problem- I’m thinking too much about the move or look or matching the rhythm of the beat.

In that sense, learning some steps or moves makes sense. Get them down pat and stop thinking about it.

I just hope that it can transfer, as it were, over to nightclub type dancing. Because, hey, I need to get married myself here!! I can’t count on a woman thinking my dancing is ‘cute’ in that embarrassing kind of way.

Thanks all, and thanks again for the e-mail. I’m fine and happy…. just unable to dance.

20

The above clue is important. Attitudes about dancing acumen (or lack thereof) vary greatly according to region.

For example, how many of us would be bewildered by the sight of two or more women kicking up their heels together? In, say, California, you’d never see women dancing together, because there’s no lack of male dance partners.

But this is WISCONSIN. In Wisconsin, Real Men Don’t Dance. You always see women who are eager to boogie down out there by themselves on the dance floor, because they can’t get any of the big lugs to join them. The big lugs are too self-conscious. Your little buddy is destined to be one of them.

You may not be Fred Astaire, Chris, but neither are a lot of people. The difference is that in most places, they’re having too much fun to even notice anybody else’s dancing, much less worry about their own.

(And yes, we do drink like fish in here. You’d think that would help. Hah.)