Can you give a police officer who pulls you over collateral?

[pianodave]

OP here. Interesting stuff in this thread, thanks to everyone who responded. Here’s a question in a similar vein.

How true is that old advice about “diarrhea, or even the mention of it, or other uncomfortable bodily functions” will get you out of a ticket? I mean, realistically, if you were seriously about to shit all over your car, would a cop just let you shit in your car and give you a ticket and leave you in a shit-smeared vehicle? I mean, I assume that no cop wants the negative PR associated with ticketing a person who really just needed to use the bathroom. No cop wants to be the douchebag who, because of their lack of compassion, caused the person to mess up their car. You cannot ask to prove a person is suffering from intestinal distress, correct? Even if the driver is trying to get out of a ticket, how can the cop be sure? He or she doesn’t know the driver’s health. It seems pretty foolproof to me, as NOBODY wants to get involved in another person’s private bodily functions. Would a cop follow you to a bathroom and wait for you to come out at which point you’d be ticketed?

I’m not obsessed with bowel movements, but I do know that it’s an easy way to get out of stuff. When I was in 6th grade, I didn’t do a presentation, and when it was my day to get called up, I asked at the beginning of class to be excused to go to the nurse. I stayed in the bathroom for the whole period, complaining of diarrhea, and when I got out the period was over. Upon explaining the situation to my teacher, she agreed that it was a shame about my sudden attack of intestinal distress and asked me to present my project the next day. I of course did it that night and got an A. I got away with hiding in the bathroom, using diarrhea as an excuse. It seems like it could apply here. If you are suitably remorseful, how could a cop “call your bluff”, and similarly, what are officers supposed to do when confronted by a person who tries to cite urgent needs to urinate or defecate as an excuse why they were not obeying traffic laws?

Thanks,

PD

[Senegoid]

@pianodave

How true is that old advice about “diarrhea, or even the mention of it, or other uncomfortable bodily functions” will get you out of a ticket? I mean, realistically, if you were seriously about to shit all over your car, would a cop just let you shit in your car and give you a ticket and leave you in a shit-smeared vehicle?

See Post #7. Same with this.

[Pantastic]

Generally, a cop would rather risk someone soiling themselves than finding out that a wanted felon got away from a stop because they whipped out a 6th grade excuse. Cops are trained to spot signs of lying, have practice at it, and are very suspicious due to the nature of their job, and they’ve heard a lot of excuses. They’ve also dealt with way more disgusting bodily fluids at a much closer distance than they’d like. If you fool the cop and catch him in a great mood, maybe he’ll let you off. But maybe he will think you’re lying and just drag out the stop. Or maybe he’s suspicious and merciful, and lets you pull over to a gas station, spend a few minutes inside, then write you a ticket at his leisure, so you’re later to the concert than you would be if you just let him write a ticket.

[control-z]

My best advice to OP is stop being weird, cops don’t like weird. Be calm, polite, and stick to the facts. You will most likely find they are just like everyone else, maybe a little gruffer.

[Boyo_Jim]

Some cops I’ve known would stretch it out in hopes you shit yourself. It would be an amusing change of pace.

[Boyo_Jim]

Another joke:

I got stopped by an LA cop. I shot him to death because I figure it will be easier to beat the murder charge than to beat the ticket.

[drewder]

@Boyo_Jim

Another joke:

I got stopped by an LA cop. I shot him to death because I figure it will be easier to beat the murder charge than to beat the ticket.

Reminds me of a joke I heard in the Army.

Sergeant major is driving along going 30 over the speed limit. He’s pulled over and the cop comes up and demands to see his DL. So the SGM replies that he doesn’t have one as he lost his DL due to a DUI. So the cop asks to see his vehicle registration to which the SGM replies that the car is stolen and the owner is chopped up in little pieces in the back.

Alarmed the cop goes to his car and radios for backup. So the police captain shows up and asks the SGM for his DL, the SGM then pulls out his DL and it is perfectly valid. The police captain then asks to see the car registration and the SGM hands it to him. The registration is valid and in the SGM’s name. The police captain then asks him to open the trunk and the trunk is empty.

The police captain is confused and says “I don’t understand it I was told you didn’t have a DL, that the car was stolen, and that there was a body in the trunk.”

The SGM replies “Yeah, and I bet he said I was speeding too!”

[drewder]

@pianodave

OP here. Interesting stuff in this thread, thanks to everyone who responded. Here’s a question in a similar vein.

How true is that old advice about “diarrhea, or even the mention of it, or other uncomfortable bodily functions” will get you out of a ticket? I mean, realistically, if you were seriously about to shit all over your car, would a cop just let you shit in your car and give you a ticket and leave you in a shit-smeared vehicle? I mean, I assume that no cop wants the negative PR associated with ticketing a person who really just needed to use the bathroom. No cop wants to be the douchebag who, because of their lack of compassion, caused the person to mess up their car. You cannot ask to prove a person is suffering from intestinal distress, correct? Even if the driver is trying to get out of a ticket, how can the cop be sure? He or she doesn’t know the driver’s health. It seems pretty foolproof to me, as NOBODY wants to get involved in another person’s private bodily functions. Would a cop follow you to a bathroom and wait for you to come out at which point you’d be ticketed?

I’m not obsessed with bowel movements, but I do know that it’s an easy way to get out of stuff. When I was in 6th grade, I didn’t do a presentation, and when it was my day to get called up, I asked at the beginning of class to be excused to go to the nurse. I stayed in the bathroom for the whole period, complaining of diarrhea, and when I got out the period was over. Upon explaining the situation to my teacher, she agreed that it was a shame about my sudden attack of intestinal distress and asked me to present my project the next day. I of course did it that night and got an A. I got away with hiding in the bathroom, using diarrhea as an excuse. It seems like it could apply here. If you are suitably remorseful, how could a cop “call your bluff”, and similarly, what are officers supposed to do when confronted by a person who tries to cite urgent needs to urinate or defecate as an excuse why they were not obeying traffic laws?

Thanks,

PD

The thing is you’re looking for a magic way to avoid legal responsibility for your actions. The truth is it doesn’t exist. There is no trickity trick which will reliably get you out of a ticket. Sometimes it will work and sometimes it won’t however lying will almost always get you into trouble.

[Philster]

@Boyo_Jim

Either you’re less pleasant than me, or maybe we have more pleasant local cops. I have the same strategy as you, but I’ve gotten off with a number of warnings rather than tickets. OTOH, I don’t get pulled over nearly as often as you, and maybe that makes a difference. I’ve been pulled over maybe 15 times in 37 years of driving.

I don’t always get tickets. The point was that I was allowed to roll very quickly - like the whole stop was a minute, if that.

I think my ratio of being stopped to getting tickets is 4:1.

I am very nice and it helps. It does not help in places like Virginia… at all.

.

[Clothahump]

@pianodave

I am a musician and am always running to concerts, at which I have to arrive by a certain time. In my line of work, I accompany choirs so a whole lot of people depend on me to be on time.

I haven’t been pulled over by a cop yet. But I always wonder, if I do get pulled over for something like improper turning or improper passing, or some other minor violation, and I absolutely MUST arrive on time for a concert, is it possible for me to say to a cop something like, here, take my credit cards, my license, my house key, whatever, registration, and I’ll come to the police station after my concert to pay whatever fines are necessary? In other words, I’d be giving the officer collateral in exchange for his letting me go on my way. I would certainly pay the ticket, but I need to get to a concert! People are depending on me.

Now, I know, you’re going to say, “If you drive safely and plan to give yourself plenty of time to get there, you wouldn’t have this issue.” Yes, I know this.

If you know it, then do it. What you are advocating will probably get you arrested for attempted bribery.

[Gunslinger]

@Boyo_Jim

Some cops I’ve known would stretch it out in hopes you shit yourself. It would be an amusing change of pace.

If you’re using that to get out of a ticket, you’d better be prepared to shit your pants. If you do, they’ll probably let you go with a warning.

OP scenario, though, they’re going to call in your DL to check for warrants no matter what, and the actually writing the ticket adds at most half a minute to that. So no.

On the other hand, I once got pulled over by a State Trooper who walked up to my window, said “Good morning, I’m with Texas DPS, how’re you doing?”

“Er … pretty good until I got pulled over,” I said.

“I pulled you over because your windows look a bit dark,” he said, and went back to his car and rummaged around in the trunk for five minutes.

“Roll your window up a little?” Then he put the densitometer on the window, looked at the readout, and said “Nope, you’re legal, have a nice day!”

Never asked me for my license/insurance. I’m pretty sure he’d just got the window-tint-tester and just wanted an excuse to try it out? But I’m pretty sure Texas Highway Patrol is required by law to run your DL and insurance right off, before “do you know why I pulled you over?” I probably could’ve got that guy fired if I’d remembered his name.

Also I drive a car that used to belong to the Highway Patrol. When I get pulled over for speeding, the Trooper doesn’t even make small talk, he just shakes his head and hands me the clipboard to sign the ticket, because my car’s speedometer is admissible as evidence.