You know, this is totally horrible, but the completely black, utterly humorless gravity of this response somehow makes it the single funniest in the thread. I thought of this response in bed last night and was doubled over laughing for almost five minutes.
Not only are farts not funny, they make me angry. There is something so rude and invasive about purposefully farting. I can forgive the occasional accidental fart but generally speaking… nope, don’t like farts. 
When it’s my cat, Maggie. It’s not funny, it’s a serious matter. I think there’s a huge hole in the ozone now over our house.
That’s because your dad wasn’t as funny or clever as mine, obviously.
A fart in a serious situation can seem unfunny until someone laughs. I remember staying at a Christian camp for a weekend retreat in college. I was out for a late walk with my girlfriend and churned up some farts which were awaiting freedom. Arriving back at the men’s cabin, I found everyone sound asleep. So I quietly slipped into bed. Within a few minutes, the first fart came, BRAAAPPP! Silence. A half-minute later, I go BRAAPAAPAPPP! and still nothing. About a minute later, one of the guys burst out laughing, resulting in the whole cabin responding as though the “it’s okay, go ahead and laugh” signal had been let out. We laughed for a good ten minutes and not a word had to be spoken. But it wasn’t truly funny until someone laughed.
You win. 