Can you turn gay?

Great Debates
41

As a gay man I used to think “No you can’t turn gay, you either are or you’re not,” but now I’m not so sure.

And this is why, simply because being gay isn’t such an awful thing anymore. If you think of a scale with 1 being totally heterosexual and 100 being totally homosexual, there is really a huge range that exists today that didn’t when I was a kid.

For instance, when I was a teen or in my early 20s, no straight men would EVER consider having sex with another male. But kids today are somewhat different. A teen or guy in his 20s is apt to think, “Well I’m really horny and this guy is willing to give me oral sex, so what the heck.”

You see that guy in the above example isn’t IMO gay, but looking to “get his rocks off,” kind of a crude expression but it fits.

And this is where it becomes problematic.

I recall in the early 80s in Rolling Stone magazine, Daryl Hall said in an interview that he had had sex with men but he has a girlfriend and loves her and he really does perfer woman.

Now does the fact Daryl Hall had a few same sex experiences make him gay? Did he turn gay? I think most of us would say “no, he’s not.”

Remember the Ben Curtis, better known at “The Dell Dude,” from commercials in years ago. Well his father was gay and eventually left his mother. When he was asked if he was gay as well he said “I’ve had sex with a couple of guys, just to see what it was like, but I didn’t like much and would rather have sex with women.”

So now it seems to me the younger generation especially is more apt to at least “try it,” even if they don’t like it, “just to see.”

And some people may be interpreting these “trials” as people turning gay or even turning straight.

But 20 or 30 years ago no one would even have ever tried gay sex unless the urge was so overpowering they couldn’t ignore it.

42

I read somewhere that early sexual awareness is very common among male homosexuals. So, to answer your question, they would most likely be interested in sex at a younger age than most.

43

An anecdote:

My step-sister, who I have only met about five times because she is about 8 years older than me and lives in Kansas, turned gay.

She dated guys in high school and college and had a boyfriend for a few years after college and then one night she was raped on her way home from work. Not too long afterwards she broke up with her long time boyfriend because she didn’t liked being sexual with a guy anymore. A couple of years later she started dating a girl and they have been together for about 15 years or so. They even had a commitment ceremony a couple of years ago.

44

In my experience, no. When I had that fantasy at the age of 5, I was definitely not “interested in sex.” It was just a spontaneous scenario that happened to pop into my head, and was over in a matter of a few seconds. I could not have been “interested in sex,” because I had no idea that such a thing even existed. By the time I reached puberty, however, my interest in sex was about the same as my straight counterparts . . . intense.

I’ve heard similar stories from other gay men; that they experienced some spontaneous feeling at an early age, that they didn’t identify as “sexual” until years later.

45

That’s not entirely true . . . why do you think so many people took drugs in the 60s? It wasn’t unusual to get high just to lose some of those inhibitions (in oneself or in a buddy) . . . and of course to “not remember” anything the next morning.

46

I think humans are inherently bisexual, and that, as Kinsey put it, there is a continuum ranging from very strongly hetero or homo sexual to all points in between.

I have know gay people (male and female) who feel strongly they were born that way. I think many are. I have also known those who feel environment influenced their preference (from abusive family of origin issues to simple conscious choice).

I know it is politically correct to say that it is ALWAYS in-born, and I understand the rationale…that if it is in-born, there is no “blame” or “sin” associated with it (not that I consider there to be a rationale FOR blame or sin, but many do), but I don’t buy that this is the case in every case.

Myself, I am strongly heterosexual, but HAVE had lesbian experiences and am quite capable of responding sexually to a female. If I, say, met and fell in love with a person who happened to be a woman, I could see myself as a lesbian/bisexual, but my natural inclination leans very strongly toward the male of the species. (would have the be one hell of a woman!:D)

All in all though, I don’t think someone can “turn gay”…more that they might be able to act on their bisexuality…to me “gay” implies a very strong, exclusive orientation.

47

There is a simpler way to arrive at the conclusion that gay orientation is inborn, or at least is not any kind of conscious choice. As a largely heterosexual, I don’t remember making any kind of choice about it. To simplify, if the two possible classifications are straight and gay, it’s either a choice or not a choice. Logically, it can’t be inborn if you are straight but a choice if you are gay.

In fact, there’s considerable irony in the view expressed by some religious leaders that homosexuality is a temptation that must be avoided, because the very fact of finding it a temptation amounts to a gay preference - a preexisting one, at that.

48

Throwing in an anecdotal:

I was out with a friend of mine last night, who’s gay.

I was talking about how it can be difficult to chat-up girls and he matter-of-factly said: “Yeah, that’s what put me off women. It’s a headfuck. If you’re not ‘the man’, they don’t want to know you”.
Which I was astonished to hear because it implies his experiences had partially made him gay.

…or maybe he was just trying to make me feel better. When I’m out with him, he’s amazing with women, so it’s a doubly weird thing for him to say.