Canadian Goose -- We stand on guard for thee

Just to smear the blame around a little, let’s recall that one of the chief causes of the American “suburban goose” problem is the continuing rapid expansion of American suburbia itself. As the goose control folks say, “increasing urban and suburban development in the U.S. has resulted in the creation of ideal goose habitat conditions–park-like open areas with short grass adjacent to small bodies of water–resulting in growing numbers of locally-breeding geese that live year round on golf courses, parks, airports and other public and private property.”

More and more miles of highway-side grass strips, more and more golf courses, more and more sprawly suburban developments with goose-dream lawns and residents absent during the day…in other words, more and more acres of former wilderness habitat that has been mowed and trimmed and manicured for human use, but which doesn’t have a high enough human population density to intimidate the geese from moving in. We did everything short of putting out “Canada Geese Welcome” signs and feeding them stale bread every day (and many suburban residents in the early days of the goose invasion, charmed and thrilled by having cool wild birds show up on their doorsteps, did in fact do just that).

So don’t worry too much about the Canadians, december. Rest assured that when I step in gooseshit, I don’t think “Damn those fucking Canadians”, I think “Damn those fucking suburbanites.” :smiley:

You know how sometimes when they take off suddenly they shit like there’s no tomorrow?

Imagine this actual scene:

New prospective employee was walking up to the door of my building last Summer for her interview.

Large herd of Canada geese in the parking lot, as normal.

Large car comes around the corner, and heads towards the geese, honking its horn.

The geese take off en masse, directly over the new interviewee.

The new interviewee gets to go home and reschedule her interview, as she is peppered with green goose shit. The poor thing broke down and cried on the front step, as it was all over her new “power suit”, hair, and laptop bag.

[sub]Happy ending though - she did get the job when she returned…[/sub]

damn, december’s life must be fraught with peril. Imagine, if you will, december is in his/her yard doing a little summer time pruning of the shrubbery, when…out of nowhere…comes that dreaded HONK! HONK! SPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLATTTTTTTTTTT! sound of a fly by goose shitting. What a horrible trauma that must be. Have a little compassion people!

Although, as our National Bird, the Canada Goose is a protected animal up here, the damn mess is a serious problem, (even worse in Canada,) and the federal government allocates a considerable amount of cash every year to try to convince hunters in the United States that the Canada goose is an attractive game bird.

It’s a funny old world.

Oh, did december get shat on by a Canada goose?

No. I won’t say it. I won’t. Stop that, brain.

One does not “get shat on” by Canada geese; one “steps in it”. They leave green blobby wet turds the size of half a hard-boiled egg everywhere they go, and on golf courses, this constitutes a major hazard (whether “water” or “rough” nobody’s been able to decide yet).

Don’t see no geese.

Your goose is the “race” or subspecies “Vancouver Canada Goose” (one of 12 “races”), not the ordinary or Garden-Variety Golf-Course Pooping Canada Goose.

The Garden-Variety Golf-Course Pooping Canada Goose seems to be fair game elsewhere in Canada.

Yay!! :smiley:

If a canada goose poops on you, it’s not like getting pooped on by a little robin or starling or even a seagull. It would be like being shit on by an overflying german shepherd, and I don’t mean the dog. Those are biug birds and they crap big too.

Around here they like to hang around the lakes where people swim, and they lay a carpet of shit on the shore that gets lots of nice bacteria and parasites into the water.

I wasn’t offended either ** Polycarp**. If we are going to take credit for Canadian whiskey, and Canadian bacon, not to mention the best beer in the world, Molson’s Canadian, then we’re just going to have to accept this crap. :smiley:
About 150 miles south of where I live, is the city of Victoria, and some of their beaches have absolutely been ruined by the protected species of Vancouver Canada Geese. But up here in the boonies, we hardly see them. But what we have here in Campbell River are bald eagles. Hundreds if not thousands of them. In the winter they perch around the perimeter of the city dump. I’ve seen them spaced evenly about every 20 yards as far as the eye can see. When I drive past the fish plant, I see a whole whack of them circling above. Just last year I saw an eagle snatch a mallard in mid air, not more than 50 feet away. But the bald eagle is really a scavenger, and that is why every so often we read about an eagle kill as a result of poisoned bait.

However I will say this. I have never come across a bald eagle turd.

When I was a kid, we called those pink wintergreen disks…you know, the soft ones that would dissolve if you kept them in your mouth…we called them “Canada mints”. They sure were good.

Duck Duck Goose – thank-you for drawing my attention to that embarrassing misconception of mine. It’s refreshing and heartening to be corrected on a point of Canadiana by a U.S. citizen.

The weird thing is, I knew that the Loon was our national bird. I also simultaneously “knew” that the Canada Goose was, as well. :o

I’m only familiar with the Vancouver variety, (which is the bane of golfers and barefoot children here.)

[insensitive mode]
Wino shit is much less offensive – and smaller.
[/insensitive mode]

I hate Canada geese. I was in favour of the city culling them… although I think feeding a Toronto Canada goose to anyone is cruel and inhumane- sort of like feeding someone a downtown pigeon. Awful.
I am not offended. Kill the blasted birds. What really gets me is that some people feed them. Yuck.

God, I hate those miserable fuckers.

You filthy, ill-tempered, greedy, overly-self-entitled, fat-ass, not-even-good-eating, hoof-sucking, porn-enjoying, pigeon-lusting, Tory-voting, Chretien-patronage-appointment-accepting, separatist-encouraging, donut-gobbling, garbage-nesting, pot-smoking, welfare-collecting, gun-toting, eh-saying, American-bashing, waddling sack of nun-drippings.

You’re a waste of feathers.

I’m originally from Regina, where a drive through Wascana Park in the summer is always interrupted by one of those of those brainless, greasy fucks standing in the middle of the road. If you hit them, you have to pay a fine, so you stop–and the gross, waddling bag of excrement just stares at you. You beep the horn, it honks back. You try to nudge it out of the way, and it pecks the front of your car, chipping the paint. Then it turns it’s overused shit cannon in your direction, and lets you know just how it feels about you by dropping a wet, green load right on your bumper.

Gaah, I’d wring one’s fucking neck right now if it was within reach.

I’ve had a small measure of revenge. Now that I’m in Wisconsin, and they clog the golf course, my brother and I have house rules that if you hit one, you take a stroke off.

Not that I aim. But they’ve improved my game a bit.

I saw a newsclip last year about some guy who has a business training and selling border collies to clear golf courses of geese.

Yah, and it works, too. And it’s a growth industry, evidently–they’re all over the Web.

It may not have ever been an official national symbol, but it was the final logo of the late, lamented Canadian Airlines. CP’s web site is gone, but I remember it saying that the Canada goose was a symbol of “power and resolve”. Piles of wet, green shit not included (and stop saying that about airline food).

A CP 747 with the goose logo.

And before you ask, North Central’s logo was Herman the Duck, not a goose.

You have questions about a website that has your name on it??
Next time, try harder.

In your spam
In your spaaaam
Zombie, zombie, zombie

Three weeks old. Such a poor memory.

Concept that i did not expect to learn today: “goose control industry.”