This is somewhere between a rant and… no wait its a rant. Its been a really bad week and whenever I think it cant get worse something new pops up.
I spent most of the last week pretty ill but still working my ass off as a burger wench. I felt so sick I started to forget what being healthy actually felt like. I worked 33 hours in 3 days two of which I had a fever of 104. I survived, but others arent so lucky.
This is were the “cancer” bit comes in. But to explain that I have to explain my family situation. I have three families. The family I was born into which consists of my mom, my 19 year old sister and a father I dont talk to anymore. Then there is my step family which consists of my step-dad, his two sons (29 and 32) and all there family who has accepted me as one of their own. Then lastly there is my chosen family. When I graduated from highschool I moved to Montreal and in with a friend and his family. Four years later they are like blood. This family consists of my “adoptive” mommy; Dee, daddy; Andre, three brothers; Davie, T.J (the next Canadian Idol - crosses fingers) and little Dylan and Nikita.
So you know my family and now I can continue. So, my step dad’s family has a bad track record when it comes to Cancer. Yep, the Big C; anyway, no one in his family (his brothers and sisters anyway) have lived past the ripe old age of 53. They have all been picked of my cancer and then last fall his father died of lung cancer. This December dear old step dad will be hitting 53 years old and I am petrified. He goes for all the check ups every 6 months or so which puts me at easy for a little. But just a few weeks ago the doctor took a sample of a sore he had from when he banged his glasses against his nose and it came back as cancer. They say it is isolated to this dime sized area but god I’m afraid to loose him.
My future superstar brother T.J now works with me at Wendy’s and has also been pretty sick this week, luckily he’s on his feet and heathly enough to kick everyone in T.O’s ass this weekend(and hopefully not get SARS.) But his dad is not that fortunate. He hasnt been feeling well for a while now and despite everyones constant nagging he did not go to the hospital. Now 9 months later he finally went and what is the diagnosis? Cancer! His large intestine is full of tumors and two weeks from now they will be removing all of it. Of course this scares me because I, for one wish this would all go away and two hope to hell he’ll be okay. I am still dealing with the loss of my grandmother and thats going on three years. I dont have the ability to deal with death anymore. Thats a big part of why I quit nursing. I couldnt take having all these people die around me.
All this helps me focus on whats important. Family, friends and of course my Bella. Not a small UTI that will clear up in 3 or 4 days a(I can still be miserable mind you.) I’m more afraid right now of loosing my loved ones. More then I have let on to even my Lola. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do. I want to will their sickness away, but nothing I do will make it better and I feel completly helpless… I hate this!
~Cory~