Family health... just gets worse (kinda long)

My family’s problems, to be exact. We had never had any (relevant ones at least).

I guess it all kicked off in October 2000. I have some relatives (father’s brother) living in San Jose, CA. Aunty is pregnant with her 3rd child, has normal labor. But the baby is not ok. She was born with a herniated diaphragm (a nice big hole in the muscle that separates lungs and heart from other organs). So her stomach, pancreas intestine and whatnot were higher than they were supposed to be, stopping the lungs from growing appropiately. So luckily, she’s near Stanford U which has a great neonatal hospital. She spends the following 4 months in the ICU, after several procedures, and many instances where the docs told my uncle she wasn’t gonna make it. She goes home, with an oxygen machine, and a tube to her stomach so that she can eat.

Spring 2001. My aunt (mother’s side) is diagnosed with breast cancer. Advanced breast cancer. So she goes into chemo, which was specially hard for her, cuz she couldn’t get it at her hometown, she had to travel 5 hours to Monterrey (Mexico). So she bouts it out, gets 8 chemos, deteriorates a lot along the way… but eventually she seems to be clear. Good times.

Winter 2001. My mom starts out with general health complaints, at first she just thinks hey I must be getting old. So over early 2002 she visits a lot of docs, gets different diagnoses. Her health is diminishing notably, she’s eating less and she gets tired easily. So finally in May my dad takes her off to the Mayo Clinic in MN. She spends two weeks there bouncing off docs, doing test and tests. She is finally diagnosed with breast cancer. So she comes back home and starts chemos, which are a bitch, she’s basically bed ridden for a week every chemo, etc. We basically manage, until her 6th chemo, when she’s given a more potent drug. She’s basically doing fine, until a few days afeter the chemo, she gets a blood test and her white blood cell count is somewhere around 400 (normal values are 2000 - 12000). She spends some days in the hospital, in partial isolation (any infection could kill her). Finally her wbcc is normal, we come home, and chemos are suspended, she starts hormone treatment. It’s late 2002 by now.

Spring 2003 my aunt’s cancer is back. She’s now getting chemos, radiation etc. She has many problems, as with before, she has to travel for her treatment, she can’t work, etc etc. She continues to battle it out pretty much by herself (pretty non supportive husband, children too young to help, 9 and 11).
Summer 2003. Mom has strong muscle and bone pains, that and some tests lead to the belief that her cancer is back too. She starts a new treatment, much less agressive than the last, than God. She gets about 5 chemos, her pain isn’t letting her sleep and she’s having a hard time altogether. So doc changes drugs, and now she’s getting a low dosage of chemo every week, opposed to a load every 3 weeks, like she used to get. She’s doing pretty much fine, the chemos are much lighter and with the help of some cortisone she feels pretty much ok.

December 2003. My aunt passes away. She is, basically, the aunt I am dearest too. I get the news by phone (i study in Guadalajara, 200 km away)at 12 am. Fckshtcrapdamn. Luckily I had finished my semester that same day so I took to the road the following day. Even though I had gotten a decent sleep, I could’t help but feeling extremely tired. I got here as fast as I could (averaging 160km/h). The worst drive of my life. So I get home, take one look at mom, and yeah, it was just what you’d expect for a woman who’s getting chemos and whose’s sister just died. My grief is suddenly over as I realize my job is now to be as supportive as I can to Mom. She’s pretty much greiving but she’s got a strong character and unshakable faith in God.

Yesterday. I get a call, it’s my grandfather, he’s diagnosed with lung cancer, that’s all I learn, don’t tell your mother. Mom talks with my grandfather today, doctor said he’s got 2-3 months. Great, thanks, we needed that. My grandmother’s doing bad too, she had a crappy knee prosthetic done 2 years ago, and they had to remove it a couple of months ago. She’s been bedridden ever since. Most worrying, she shows no will of getting up, and it ain’t easy either, she’s probably going on 80 and she’s overweight.

I gotta ask. What next. Not looking for any answers really just letting off some steam. Thanks everyone who read (got kinda longer that I thought).

I’m so sorry, Macrophage. Just one of those things would be hard enough to handle, but all in such a short period of time? I’ll send my prayers up to the higher power of your choice, send good vibes along your way, throw pebbles into a puddle if you like. I’d lick the floor of the mens’ restroom if I thought it could help someone in some way.

I’ve always thought it slightly odd that things like this belong in a forum called “Mundane, Pointless Stuff I Simply Must Share”, since it’s neither mundane nor pointless. I know titles don’t mean much, but still.

That’s just way more than any family should have to face, especially in such a short time. It’s good that your mom has you and her faith to help her through. I hope you can support each other through all of this.

Well, I got your message and I came and I read. Jesus, it scares me to think at what we’ve been through. It still hurts me that I can’t be by your side, and help out at home. I never should have taken this fucking job that makes me be far away when the shit hits the fan. I get to be down here, all by myself, missing you, mom and dad. I got to cry all by my own when Dina died. I got to cry all by my own when I read this. And even though I sometimes feel awful because I have no one to lean on, I know you have it worse. I know you get to see mom and see what death has been doing to her will to live. I know you get to sit through dad’s tantrums and mom’s crying. I know the weight is all on you. I may be far away, but you can lean on me. Believe me, you can lean stronger than you think you can. I’ll be home soon, in two more days. I hope I can stay there for some days instead of just Christmas.

I hadn’t gotten the news Granddad had only two to three months. It doesn’t come as a surprise. Why the fuck did he get that exam done? We all knew it was bad news. We all knew he had decided not to do anything about it. Why, why, why?

It’s three and a half in the morning. I have to go to work tommorrow and act like everything’s okay. In fact, I have to act extra nice, since I went home sick thursday and friday.

I have no idea what’s going to happen next. I’m really scared about mom. But I’ll tell you one thing: it’s you and me all the way.

My family went through a period like this for about 5 years also. At one stage, I was in hospital for 2.5 months with several surgeries (including brain/skull/spinal surgery), my Mother was in another hospital in the same city being tested for major breathlessness (after saying it was asthma it turns out she needed 3 of the valves in her heart replaced - she died about a year later suddenly), and my Father was in yet another hopsital (same city) after having minor surgery with hugely major sideaffects (we were told that they didn’t hold out much hope for him). The whole thing lasted about 5 years from beginning to end and it was the hardest time in my life. I really did believe it’d never end but it did and, fingers crossed, we are all (mostly) well and healthy.

I think its the fact if you come from a large and/or extended family, that you will come across suffering like this. If it’s any consolation, you will get through it, it seems like it’ll never end now, but there will be a day when the pressure eases off. I learnt a lot during that time about my feelings towards my family and how to cope with stress etc.

Take care of yourself is my other piece of advice - you need to be healthy to take care of the others (even only providing emotional support if that’s all you can do).

My thoughts are with you.

Thank you Honeydew.

Thanks lilallette, InternetLegend and Honeydew.

Wow guys. that is a whole heck of alot to go thru. I havent had that much personal trajedy in my family, but I did have a friend pass away in september. We all new it was coming (he was sick with aids for quite some time), but you’re never ready for it you know? anyways, while I dont really have any advice to give, if either of you ever need someone to talk to, or an e-shoulder to cry on, dont hesitate to drop me an email.

hang in there

I’m sorry that you are going through such troubles. I know it’s hard to deal with one health crisis at a time, much less to have everything going wrong at once. :frowning: I certainly hope that soon things start looking much brighter for your family, as well as everyone else out there who’s facing such major stress and grief.

I know this must be extremely difficult on you. I can’t do much other than say my thoughts and well wishes are with you and your family.

Again thanks sandalfeet, lavenderviolet and Elaella. I didn’t mean to say that my life is tragic… I myself am in pretty good shape, I’m doing well at med school and I love it. My brother just got an excellent internship at a transnational company. It’s just that suddenly I thought damn, this is getting ridicoulous. Thanks all for your support, prayers and warm thoughts.

Med school? neat! I’m an EMT and hope to be going to paramedic school next year.

EMT? emergency medical tech?
[hijacks own thread]

Thank you sandalfeet, lavenderviolet and Elaella.

yup, emergency medical technitian.