When my dental hygienist noticed something odd on my tongue and told me to keep an eye on it for a couple weeks, I didn’t know what I’d be in for. If it’s still around in a couple weeks, it might be cancer. The statement didn’t really sink in until last night when I got WAY more upset about the State of the Union address than usual. So, I thought to myself, “Why am I sitting here crying over Bush’s speech? Oh yeah. The cancer thing.”
I had a stroke four years ago so I’ve done my fair share of medical emergencies and hospital stays. Not something I want to repeat. Plus three years ago, I had a heart defect repaired. In the time between my stroke and my heart procedure, my father was hospitalized and I lost most of my friends. Severe brain damage is really tricky for interpersonal relationships and most of my friends didn’t have the time, patience, or maturity to stick around while I worked through my recovery. Now, I have a small group of friends who I hope and believe would actually visit me in the hospital and stick by me in rough times.
I spent all last night crying and reaching out to my friends. I know it probably seems to be silly to get upset over a possibility. But I’m fresh out of hope for medical miracles. I kinda think I used up my miracle by survivng the stroke. I simply can’t do another stint in the hospital. I cried every day when I was hospitalized for my stroke.
Feb. 16 is the end of Cancer Watch 2005 for me. Could you guys send good voodoo or say some prayers for me?