Inevitably, you will be left with the “white bits” when eating candy corn. It can be quite fun to put these on your teeth as well, like some sort of “teeth-filing” rite of passage, except it’s less painful and non-permanent.
When one eats candy corn it is necessary to take WHOLE candies and jam the base onto your incisors. Thus making Candy Corn Vampire Fangs[sup]tm[/sup]. This should be by saying to a companion ‘Do you want to see something really scary?’ When they answer the affirmative turn away jam on the candy corns and come back with the fangs in place.
Then attack like a vampire and have sex with them.
How could you guys not know this?
So Jarbaby, do you want to see something really scary?
YOU’RE going to see something really scary Zebra, and it’s going to be my fist.
How DARE you come in here and undermine my theories on candy corn consumption? Fangs are for goth kids. Yellow corn caps are for the truly humorous, whose goal is not to scare, but to entertain.
Isn’t there enough horror in our world without you trying to make it scarier?
Now get out of here and sin no more.
or I’ll kick your everlovin’ ass.
jarbaby
Oh! So the ONLY way to eat Candy Corn is the JARBABY WAY!
Those who eat Candy Corn different from us are the ENEMY and must be driven out!
And you say I’M bringing more horror to the world?
Your the one who is starting the CANDY CORN WAR but I’LL be the one FINISH it JarBABY. Or should I say jarNAZI!
In parting I have three words for you.
BRING IT ON!
I SEE. I SEE IT ALL NOW.
::picks up megaphone::
I hear you Zebra
The United States hears you
AND THE PEOPLE WHO EAT CANDY CORN AS IF THEY ARE FANGS will hear from ME very soon.
jarbaby
You must now choose sides. Either you are with me and all that is sacred to HALLOWEEN or you are with that intolerant JarNaziJ.
Do you make FANGS with candy corn or do you just make the yellow teeth?
There is no sitting on the fence! There is no room for compromise.
Jesse Jackson will not broker a deal.
JarbabyJ wants to take away your right to make Candy Corn Vampire Fangs[sup]tm[/sup] and she will stop at nothing to impose her views on peaceful, freedom loving, halloween celebrating peoples of the world. Join me in my fight to preserve freedom for all peoples everywhere. She is after ME. Do you think she will stop there? NO! She will be after everybody who makes fangs! She is a fang hater and she will not rest till she ‘purifies the world’ of us and our kind. Then she will move on to whatever else displeases her. It could happen to YOU!
Now is the time for all good fang people to come to the aid of their Zebra.
JarbabyJ you can take our fangs but you can never take our FREEDOM!
Candy corn and candy pumpkins are right up there with white chocolate on my nausea-meter. A friend made me a candle for Halloween that is a small terracotta pot painted in stripes of white, yellow and orange. It’s taken me months of behavioral therapy to have it around my house.
The tips are my wife’s favorite part. Something about not being as chewy and gooey as the other parts of the corn. There have been several occasions when I was eating candy corn and I would save all the tips and present them to her en masse.
Ah, the Halloween season.
Steven
Harrumph.
You may call me neutral Sweden, or you may call me the Cop-Out Queen.
I make neither funny nor scary fangs.
Christ, I inhale the damn things too fast! Screw playing around with them, I just want to EAT them!
Away with the funny business… GET IN MY BELLY.
I eat most candy in [Homer Simpson]little tiny bites![/Homer Simpson], the better to savor it, but candy corn is already LTB. The best way, IMHO, is to take two or three at a time and chew them up all at once, giving them time to soften. Anything less and I just can’t taste them.
[sub]Now, Terry chocolate raspberries or chocolate oranges…get one slice, hold it against the roof of my mouth and let it melt and drip down across my tongue…ahhhh…[/sub]
[heavy sigh]
Well Jarbabyj I guess we are the only two who care about candy corn enough to fight for it.
So what do you say? Do you want to agree to disagree on this and realize that we have far more in common with each other than differences?
Or shall we go one on one bitch?
October 1
Oh boy! Candy Corn! Food of the gods, long-prohibited to me, you shall be mine!
<Insert montage sequence of MrV seeking a bag of Brach’s Candy Corn throughout the city>
Oh, wondrous Candy Corn, I cannot wait!
<MrV chows down on fistfuls of gooey, wondrous Candy Corn>
Bliss! Oh, bliss, thy name is Candy Corn!
October 6
Mmm, this candy corn sure is good.
October 12
Hm. Maybe I’ll try some of that Autumn Mix stuff this time…
Oh, that’s good. Great! Big pumpkins, indian corn… yum!
October 19
Um… sure, I’ll have some candy corn. What the heck.
October 24
The big Halloween shapes in a bag? No candy corn involved? Sure, I’ll try some of that…
ew.
October 31
Okay, that’s it. No more Candy Corn for a year. That stuff is dis-gusting. Why the heck did I ever like it? Ick! Just sugar! What the heck is it supposed to taste like anyway? It’s not corn, that’s for sure, otherwise it would taste like Kix. Whatever it is, I’m not going near it for another year. Bleah.
Can’t wait for December. Then I get to drink eggnog again.
Repeat yearly.
Candy Corn… Candy Pumpkins?
You sick, twisted, nasty-azz bastages.
My stomach turns at the sight of those things, there is so much concentrated sugar in them.
You tasteless worms probably actually eat Peeps and Divinity too.
Yesterday I found a store that was selling ENTIRE BAGS of the pumpkins. And I only bought one bag. 
As a child, I was taught by my mother that candy corn may only be eaten during October, except for perhaps the first day or so in November after trick-or-treating. Part of me suspects that’s the only reason I still like it, because it IS awfully sweet stuff.
But…all those pumpkins…mmmmmmmmm…