CAROL, CHILD OF GOD (aka: whackjob)

Okay, who wants to see some really whacked out super-right christian conspiracy rhetoric and propaganda? I’ve been getting her emails on and off for a while now, as she must’ve gotten my email propagated through some other chain mail (I do know who she is, but have no relation). She also runs a blog that propagates this bullshit, and it never ceases to amaze me what kind of a terrified distortion of reality their world is.

Here’s her (TLDR) open letter to Mr. Obama, seatbelts:

**On Dec 28, 2009, at 2:28 PM, CAROL, CHILD OF GOD wrote:
Open letter to Mr. Obama, December 28, 2009

I hope while you are languishing on the beach in Hawaii, you take the time to hear from the God of Heaven. Myself being a child of said God, with His wisdom not my own, I see not one word or deed of yours is from Him. I refer to the God who is writing the Book of Life, with individual names in it. Being on that list is the only entrance to heaven when our short life here is done. I see no fruit of you listening to that God. (You might want to find out how to get your name written in the Book of Life, He left us an instruction book. Hint: not the koran.)
We each have a legacy to bear witness in whom we believe. Either one full of faith, hope and love, bearing good reports of charity, caring for our family, friends, neighbors and strangers alike, with the humble servants’ heart of the God of heaven.
The exact opposite legacy of a self serving, self centered, self grading of an egotistical, narcissistic and delusional B+ ! On who’s grade scale is that, Mr. Obama ? Oh, of course, it is your grade scale for you.
As of today, December 29, 2009 I declare the individual sovereign citizens of the great USA would not grade you a B+, but rather an F- !!
Please read the above paragraph repeatedly until you get it !

AND keep reading for WE offer you a plan to get a B+ from us !!

You believe in Chicago-style, strong arm tactics to twist and demean everything American citizens hold dear. Mr. Obama you sir, are a promise* breaker and an oath* breaker. (*definitions below)
These facts alone are absolute proof of my assessment of you. Mr. Obama.

In my humble eyes, I don’t think there is enough time or energy to help someone who can not help themselves. By helping, I mean helping them see THEIR vision come true, NOT Mr. Obama’s vision for them. After all, how could you know the way ? When only the God of heaven does and you don’t listen to Him. His will is no mystery, all we must do to know God’s will is to read His book. (double hint, not the koran)
All the ‘change’ you have tried to inflict upon the citizens of America, has been against the will of God and against the will of the citizens. America has a covenant * contract as ‘One Nation Under God’. .(DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE + CONSTITUTION OF THE UNTIED STATES, UNBREAKABLE BEFORE GOD) A covenant that you might need explained to you, since you are an oath breaker. (*definitions below)

The individual, personal, sovereign freedom of Americans is endowed by the God of Heaven, and I would highly recommend that you, Mr. Obama realize this very soon.
Of course, that would mean that you would have to acknowledge that maybe your way, might not be the best way. That maybe you would listen to not only God but also ‘We the People’ and turn from your disastrous deadly plans. Yes, we know your plans are not for our welfare and will fight you every peaceful way we can. We Sovereign Citizens of America mean no harm to you. We pray to live in peace, like God designed.

Listening to us might be painful at first…BUT imagine the real possibility that WE would grade you a B+ !!!

I don’t believe your paid organized gangs represent the average hard working, tax paying American. My prayer for you, Mr. Obama is that you would ask the free sovereign citizens of America what we want, you might be pleasantly surprised at not only how intelligent we are, but also how forgiving we could be.
I implore you to stand before this country, not with more false ‘solemn’ oaths or promises that will be broken, but with a renewed humble heart asking us to forgive you for trying to take the place of God in this country and in our lives.


VOW v.n.
To give, consecrate or dedicate to God by a solemn promise. To make vows or solemn promises. He that vows, must be careful to perform.

OATH, n. A solemn affirmation or declaration, made with an appeal to God for the truth of what is affirmed. The appeal to God in an oath, implies that the person imprecates his vengeance and renounces his favor if the declaration is false, or if the declaration is a promise, the person invokes the vengeance of God if he should fail to fulfill it. A false oath is called perjury.

COVENANT, n. [L, to come; a coming together; a meeting or agreement of minds.]A mutual consent or agreement of two or more persons, to do or to forbear some act or thing; a contract; stipulation. A covenant is created by deed in writing, sealed and executed; or it may be implied in the contract.(DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE + CONSTITUTION OF THE UNTIED STATES, UNBREAKABLE BEFORE GOD)

PROMISE, n. In law, a declaration, verbal or written, made by one person to another for a good or valuable consideration, in the nature of a covenant, by which the promiser binds himself, and as the case may be, his legal representatives, to do or forbear some act; and gives to the promisee a legal right to demand and enforce a fulfillment.

Whoo. Anyway, it’d help me blow of some steam if anyone here wants to take some derisive shots at this.

Carol needs some strong meds, methinks.

Whackjob. Yeah. You don’t have to believe in God to make a vow, oath, promise or covenant. And that argument about President Obama not being Christian: sick of it. He said he was, but it doesn’t matter one way or the other. He is our President.

I’m done.

ETA: No, I’m not done. Methinks Carol has fallen off the wagon. This page, comment maker close to the bottom…

Now I’m done.

I’d like to make fun of this thing, but this is hard to top. She uses this phrase twice. But as long as I’m here…

Well, yeah. You can hardly blame the guy for using his own grade scale when asked to give a grade of his own performance.

I think we can all agree that Carol is right about this. It’s painful at first and remains painful all the way to the end. My thanks to Carol for delivering what she promised.

What I love is that it’s impossible to tell what she has a problem with, and what she wants Obama to do. So the whole thing is like, “You better listen and do what we want! Which we’re not saying . . .”

From the email text:

Nonsense. Christianity, in the form practiced by most Americans anyway, is the antithesis of individual, personal freedom. If someone believes in the Great Commission (end of Matthew?), he or she cannot espouse a live-and-let-live attitude that I think most would associate with freedom. Most Christians take John 3:16 literally, proclaiming that Jesus is the only means to salvation. That means that a Christian’s responsibility is to show people the error of their ways and save them from eternal damnation. This fate is so terrible that I believe most Christians would do anything, and enact any oppressive law, to “save” humanity from evil.

Of course, I live in West Texas, went to a Christianity-based college for my undergraduate degree, and used to associate with Christians from mainstream denominations (Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Catholic) that would agree that their main purpose in life is to serve Christ by converting nonbelievers.

To get back to the main point of the post, any Christian claiming they are a friend of freedom is like a Marxist who advocates for the free market. Either they are deluding themselves into thinking there is no contradiction or, more likely, attempting to deceive…

I try to remind myself that these people are on the fringe of society, but it really freakin’ scares me that this mindset exists.

I couldn’t get past the first sentence.

There’s no such thing as an F- (or F+). She would’ve figured that out if she got to a grade that gives scores other than smiley or frowny faces.


Oddly, this one manages to rise above Poe’s Law to such a degree that there’s simply no mistaking that this crazy chicky is completely serious, despite going some distance beyond fundie, evangelical harangues and sinking neck deep in Teh Crazy. I suppose it may be because even parodies couldn’t pull off what she does with a straight face. I think she might even be crazy enough to think that somehow her open letter will eventually be read by Obama and he will realize the errors of his ways and heed the Child of God’s advice.

Her sky must be an interesting shade of mauve.

Oooh, so sorry.

Not a single actual specific, just innuendo thrown around, kind of like how an orangutan would throw around her feces when she gets angry. The proof of my theory would be the scrapes on the author’s knuckles.

No, I don’t think I will, thanks.

Also, that “hint: not the koran” part makes me wish we had a “bashing my head against the wall” smiley.

Where are these untied states, anyway?

I wonder about this often.

And I want to amend my previous post here as well. Upon rereading it, I think I was a little harsh. Most of the people I count as friends would probably list their religion as “Christian,” and no, I don’t think they are all nutjobs. My previous post was just a knee-jerk reaction to something that has always struck me as funny, namely, the association of “freedom” and “Christianity”, as if they are part and parcel.

They exist periodically during breaks in a marathon BDSM weekend of course.

Eh, she’s not too bad. I mean, yeah, she’s like Carol up there, even toward me at times, but I just nod, smile, and laugh it off. It’s crazy, but I can be a little crazy too, sometimes.

In real life, Carol probably holds a job, has children, and saves her crazy for her internet psuedonym. At any rate, I’ll bet she’s not huddled in a dark room, surounded by Bibles and Obama voodoo dolls. Could be anyone - hell, could be my mom!

Actually, I’m sure he “gets it,” though what he would get from reading the letter is not what the writer thought he would get.

Nonsense. Peppermint Patty regularly got F minuses. If it’s in Peanuts (which all God fearing Christians love, and Obama doesn’t), it must be true.