CAROL, CHILD OF GOD (aka: whackjob)

It is true! My third grade teacher sounded exactly like a slide trombone. To this day I can still do multiples of wuh-wah in my head.

And of course, if what you want (I, as a filthy, communist Canadian, have no dog in this fight) and what she wants is different, then of course he’s supposed to do what she wants and not listen to you (a fellow taxpayer).

I am so glad that, apparently, Obama doesn’t seem to be listening to any group in particular - sure, as President he has 300 million bosses, but he doesn’t have to do what all of them, or even most of them say, just whatever’s good for the world at large.

(Hmmm, kind of like a certain God Carol claims to be the child of - He doesn’t listen to what most Christians say, but rather does what He thinks is best for His creation)*

*YMMV of course if you don’t believe in God, just posting from a Christiam perspective, I always like to deflate these people’s balloons with actual Scripture …

Why is it that multiple exclamation points !!! always seem in proportion to the amount of crazy? In this case, they gradually grow in number the further you’re down the rant.

CAPS too. Another indication of crazy.

Oh, and underlining.

Yeh, can’t forget italics.

Or poor grammar, spelling and formatting.*

It’s like you can actually hear the stream-of-conscousness tone they’re blathering in.

*Actually, I had to try and duplicate the formatting of this email, which was in all blue, and a font size that really only allowed the reader to read one letter at a time. My approximation doesn’t really capture the crazy like the original.

And of course, I received another email of her “proof” that Obama is really a muslim. Here’s the proof.

Of course I replied with the Snopes article, not that it’ll help.

Was it the fact that he’s taking off his shoes with some other dark-skinned guys or the image name that convinced her?

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say, “yes” — to both.

Yeah, who’s been untying the states again? C’mon, fess up…

Seriously though, short of Jesus Christ Himself taking the chair at the Oval Office, I don’t think they’ll ever be happy.

I actually managed to read a couple paragraphs but then my brain starting kicking at the inside of my skull and told me to stop or else! Since my brain and I have had a long term love/hate relationship I thought it best to heed its warning. I never got the point of the missive, from the comments I’m guessing there wasn’t one.

Even then I’m not sure they wouldn’t still think they know best. “Oh, I know President Jesus said ‘Love Thy Neighbor,’ but I think we know what he meant was 'Love Thy Neighbor so long as his rottweiler doesn’t keep shitting in thy yard.”

I gotta admit, I stopped reading due to excessive giggling in the first paragraph. The line that got me was “I hope while you are **languishing **on the beach in Hawaii…”

Languish:
“: 1. To be or become weak or feeble; lose strength or vigor.
2. To exist or continue in miserable or disheartening conditions: languished away in prison.
3. To remain unattended or be neglected: legislation that continued to languish in committee.
4. To become downcast or pine away in longing: languish apart from friends and family; languish for a change from dull routine.
5. To affect a wistful or languid air, especially in order to gain sympathy.”

Poor, poor President Obama, forced to languish away on the beach in Hawaii…

That puts an awesome picture in my head of Obama, crawling on a beach in Hawaii, in ragged clothes, parched and wasted, reaching out to a honeymooning couple for one of their piña coladas. “Please… My fellow cough cough americans… Just. One. Drop? GASP” Then collapses in exhaustion.

From what I could parse from it:

  1. Obama is capital “E” Evil. Y’know, 'cuz he’s Muslim and stuff. So, he’s basically Satan incarnate.

  2. “We The People” actually means only the wide-eyed crazy christian conspiracists. Anyone else shouldn’t have a voice, because they’re not really american, because America is really owned by the “God of Heaven” (as opposed to the “God of Atlantis” or whatever to avoid confusion).

  3. Conveniently ignore the Bill of Rights — shit, the entire Constitution — in order to do what “We The People” want.

  4. Then scrub America clean of all the unwashed unbelievers. Just push them into the ocean with a front-loader or something.

  5. Finally, make Jesus president.

Oh, this always slays me when it comes up (repeatedly), the Christian Right believing that God/Jesus cares deeply about America (more than any other country). I recall a webpage once that posted a leaked AOL document of users’ searches over a 3-day or so period. One of the AOl searches really struck me as funny: “is a female president permitted in the bible?” - funny on so many levels, especially when you remember that some dinglenut put this as a search phrase (no quote marks, as with almost all of the ones in the AOL document) and expected a Voice From On High to answer in their browser or something … Simply amazing as to how many assume that the Bible deals with the US specifically. (Hint: there’s very few countries around today mentioned in the Bible. Israel’s an obvious one, Egypt as well, Syria maybe, but the US, definitely not.)

Their heads would explode when he legalized gay marriage.

HA. And informed everybody His Father doesn’t breathe a soul into fetuses until well after the third trimester.

Actually, she got Z-minuses. I remember her line when she went to the Principal to protest:

“That’s not a grade, that’s sarcasm!”

And of course, her protests were effective: on at least one occasion, she showed her revised grade to Marcie – “She raised it to a ‘Z’!”

A merry cow.