I know, I know, it should, if all was right, use a lot of new faces and just a couple of old faces. But that wouldn’t happen.
Cast the remake. Give me as many versions as you want. Serious, Comedy, Nightmare cast, “completely wrong people for the part” cast.
Shia LaBeouf as Luke
Worst possible (or close)
Miley Cirus as Leia
Dylan or Cole Sprouse (Suite Life) as Luke
Zach Braff as Han Solo
Gary Busey as Obi Wan Kenobi.
Shaquille O’Niell as Darth Vader.
He’d only be the body*, the voice would be Peter Cullen.
Tim Burton’s Star Wars
Cast: the usual
Here is the “Marketing did some focus groups and came up with the best options”:
Obi Wan: Sean Connery “It will bring in the older crowd!”
Darth Vader: John Travolta “We need the Scientologists to support us.”
Emporer: Dick Cheney “His name keeps coming up in focus groups”
Luke: Shia (from an earlier post)
Leia: Miley (also from an earlier post)
C3PO: One of the Wayans bros. “We need a funny black guy sidekick!”
R2D2: Either Verne "mini-me"Troyer or Jason “wee man” Acuna
Han Solo: Russell Crowe or Matthew McConauhey “Sex symbol time for the middle-aged women draw”
Chewie: LL Cool J or another Tough Black Guy
As long as you’re casting Shia for Luck, why not go whole hog and get Megan Fox for Leia? And can you really beat Will Ferrell for Han Solo?
The gritty reboot cast would have to a bit different.
Clive Owen for Han Solo
Angelina Jolie for Princess Leia
Ray Winstone for Obi-Wan
Steve Buscemi as C-3PO
Christopher Walken as Gov. Tarkin
A CGI Ricardo Montalban as Obi-Wan
Keneau Reeves as Han Solo
Sally Struthers as Jabba the Hutt