One night last spring I woke up in the middle of the night. I’m lying in bed trying to figure out what’s wrong. You get used to certain house noises that fade into the background that you need to concentrate on to be able to hear again. Like the refrigerator running or the furnace kicking on. Slowly in my sleep addled brain I hear a motor running and running. My sump pump went kerflooey. The arm that keeps the stick for the float broke off. The float got jammed at an angle and it never triggered the switch to turn on. I had about two inches of water in that corner of the cellar. I toggled the switch and all the water drained out, a wad of duct tape later it seemed OK enough to go back to bed. I went to Home Despot and big a ½ horsepower all metal pump. Arrrr Arrr Arrr more power. No mamby pamby plastic parts for this Goob. After looking at it I just fashioned a new little arm thing and left the old pump in place. It was springtime and the pump was running a lot. I thought I’d wait until a dry spell and I could work in peace and not worry about water coming over my shoes with the job half done. That was about a year ago. Think I swapped them out?
Last night I get home around 8:00 after working the 1-½ jobs. Strange I thought as I pulled in, the light in the living room window on the timer isn’t on. I figure the cats (fuzzie monsters) pulled the cord out. I go in the house take off my shoes and coat, open a beer and go in the living room to see. Nope can’t blame the fuzzie monsters because all the power is out. No little red lights or clocks from the standby for the TV, VCR, DVD, DVR, stereo, CD, tape deck, phonograph, or equalizer, you know all the usual stuff a single guys has taking up an entire wall. Must be circuit breaker, I go down the stairs, that light still worked and holy hell look at the water. At this point I’m disappointed in the two fuzzie monsters. Do you think they could have said to me at the door, look biped there is a problem here? Some of our mousie toys are floating in the cool dark place. Oh no, they greet me at the door as usual and expect me to flop on the couch and give ear scratches and tummy rubs.
The pump was running but not pumping for hours before it tripped the circuit breaker. The water was ankle deep. Good thing most of what I own is upstairs and everything in my extensive woodshop is on legs or hanging on the walls. The pump is shot, I reset the breaker and the lights flicker and bam, off again. I hear a splashing sound and look behind me. There is a **fuzzie monster ** standing in the 6” deep water looking at me. WTF? I thought cats hated water. The other fuzzie monster is smart he’s sitting on the last stair watching all this across the room. Cat in the water, what will happen next?
I take a saw and cut away the hard piping and pull out the old pump. It has a 1-1/4” discharge. The new one is 1-1/2” oh damn. What time is it? Quarter of 9:00, the local hardware store closes at 9:00. It’s almost 15 minutes away. AGGGGG run run run, drive drive drive slow slow slow in the 30 mph zone in the village, get there with a moment to spare and get dirty looks from the clerks about to lock up. I find the $1.88 reducer I need and go home. I walk in the door and go what is that smell?
The house has baseboard heating. That’s the hot water line inside a diffuser running along most exterior walls. By now the line in the basement is under water. While I was gone the furnace kicked on. I have a ghetto sauna in my basement. It felt like it was 100° and the steam was kind of rancid to breathe. Get out a big fan and run an extension cord without dropping it in the water. No need to electrocute myself, it would be days before anybody came looking for me and the **fuzzie monsters ** would be nibbling on my well cooked flesh.
It took another hour of futzing around to get it where I could turn the pump on. The discharge pipe is only press fitted together, I’ll glue the PVC later. All the while I was doing this I had **fuzzie monster ** standing in the ever deepening water watching me. Head butting me trying to use a screwdriver, getting between me and the pipe wrench, just being a nuisance. All the while in water almost up to his stomach. Damn weird cat.
The new pump is loud. It’s under my bedroom, and it will take a while before I’m conditioned to ignore that. Not to mention the lights dimming when it clicks on. This morning it looks like the two dehumidifiers have gotten most of the residual water evaporated. No real harm done. Tonight I’ll be mopping the floors upstairs because there are all the odd little wet paw prints all over.
