(Maybe this should be in GQ but it seems too silly for posting there. Mods–If it needs moving then please do so.)
I think most cat owners will know what I’m talking about. Every few days, if not every night, your cat goes bonkers. It just starts tearing around the house at top speed, spinning out, goes the other way, attacks a dust bunny then sees its tail and attacks that, then runs and jumps into chairs, gives you a funny look, rinse and repeat. After awhile it just stops as if nothing happened.
Where the hell does this come from? I’ve watched more than my fair share of the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet and I’m frequently struck at how similarly wild cats (lions, tigers, leopards, mountain lions, etc.) act like our furry friends in our homes. However, I’ve never seen any video, or big cat in a zoo, get the crazies like a house cat does.
Have I just missed these episodes on TV or do I just have retarded cats?
Maybe wild cats have more outlets for their energy, and domesticated cats get a version of cabin fever (yeah, yeah, I know I’m probably being anthropomorphic). But they sure are fun to watch when they go on their little rampages, at least at our house they are.
It’s cross-species, then . . . my dog does the same thing. We’ll be watching TV, and suddenly, she’ll leap to her feet and zoom around the living room in cicles. Then, she’ll slam on the breaks, and claw frantically at the carpet until one of us stops her.
But then again, my dog thinks she’s a cat, or maybe she WAS one in a former life. She does all of the cat things . . . rubbing up against your legs, batting her toys around with her paws, trying to crawl up on your lap . . . its sort of amusing to see a seventy pound dog batting daintily at a squeaky hamburger. She’s never even MET a cat as far as I know.
Symptoms: Random dashes through to helter-skelter running through house in pursuit of unseen prey. Greeblingz are believed to be non-visible entities and some authorities have linked them to UFO sightings or feel that they may be diminutive other-dimensional beings. Cats suffering from greeblingz typically have wild-eyed expressions.
Treatment: None known. Anti-epileptics are ineffective as the condition appears unrelated to other forms of seizure. Avoid getting in the way of a cat engaged in greebling hunting. Attacks usually subside spontaneously, perhaps as greeblingz return to their own dimension. These irritating creatures are not visible to human eyes, but no doubt the superior sight and hearing of cats enables them to see them.
Author unknown – arrived in my mailbox today. How fortuitous, huh?
How do you think HyperKitty (my cat) got her name?
Theories:
[list=1]
[li]Isolated patches of gravity quit working for a nanosecond, sending said cat into frenzy.[/li][li]Odors (perhaps latent catnip) undetectable by the human nose are locate by cat, sending them into frenzy.[/li][li]Said cat receives telepathic messages from the mothership ordering it to go into periodic but non-repetitious frenzies, thereby confusing the humans and weakening us for an eventual planetary takeover.[/li][li]Small piece of housedust landed on cat’s nose, and the frenzy is an attempt to shake it off.[/li][li]Cat has secret desire to go into showbiz and humans are unable to pick-up their subtle language of “Where are the auditions and I am ready to go NOW!?”[/li][/list=1]
This is my theory. Aw heck, I just like watching her play.
But why MUST they do this at 4AM??? We now have to keep the cats out of the bedroom every night. (dogs are allowed, of course.)
Every night, the same thing. Shooom! Zoom! Bounce off the walls, leap over the couch. Cripes, we haven’t had a Christmas tree for 3 years now. Then when they’re finished, they stand there and howl.