I was picking up videos at a local convience store, as per my job. At this particular store, the videos are kept in a cooler. I open the cooler, and come face to face with something very, very surprising…
The Straight Dope, by Cecil Adams
More Straight Dope, by Cecil Adams
Return of the Straight Dope, by Cecil Adams.
I almost dropped the movies. I didn’t say anything to the store keeper, due to my shock. I mean, I know WE’RE obsessive about Cecil and all, but regular people, in the regular world, who own convience stores and stuff…
Swiddles, tell us you took the opportunity to impress the owner with your overwhelming coolness by casually remarking, “Cecil Adams? You read his books? What a coincidence, because Cecil and I were dancing together just last week.”
The books or the shows? Because everyone has the books, but I’d kill for the shows!
If it had been me, I would have suavely remarked that, “You know, I met Cecil last week at a bar in Manhattan. I danced, he humped my leg. Who knew he was a 40-year-old syphilitic freak in a tech vest?” and made my exit.
In my dreams. I would have done the same thing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Just today my friend Chris the Sexy Mechanic, who I have a mundane and pointless crush on, was looking at my car since it wouldn’t start. I told him I know nothing about cars. He looks at me all sexy and says, “That’s why it’s good to have a mechanic for a boyfriend.” As cool as a cucumber, I go, “Huh?” and laugh stupidly. In hindsight, I should have flipped my hair back and said smartly, “Are you interested in auditioning for the part?”
Instead, I just gaped at him. Sheesh.
Anyway. Cecil sure gets around, huh? Who knew he was doing a tour of the East Coast?
No no, the books. Swiddles means the books (right?). This was obviously one of those multimedia storage coolers.
I’d probably have said something like, “Hey, the Straight Dope! I read that all the time. But I’d certainly never be nerdy enough to spend most of my waking hours on the message board at the Straight Dope website! Am I right? Am I right?” Then I’d have made an uncomfortable meeping noise and run away.
