Once upon a time, I was a very–well, a fairly young boy, and I went to Kings Island, and I decided I wanted to ride the Racers. The friend I was with at the time was like “Awww, HELL nah,” and so I, setting off a long tradition of doing shit by myself if I can’t get anyone to do it with me, got into line and got onto the Racers (forward, if you were wondering). I then proceeded to nearly crap myself and came off the thing barely able to walk, and practically swore never to go on another roller coaster as long as I lived.
Fast forward a few years. I’m again at Kings Island, this time with family–in particular, one aunt (and my mom and maybe some other folks, I don’t remember). Anyway, this aunt (for whom I will always have fond feelings because of this one day, no matter what other random family BS has happened since then), wanted to go on The Beast and somehow talked me into going with her. And I did, and lo! on that day, somehow, a coaster fan was born. We rode every single coaster in the park–the Beast, the Vortex, the King Cobra (do they still even have that), the Racers (yes, the racers!), the… other roller coasters I can’t remember the name of.
Through my teenage years, me and my friends would get up crazy early several times per summer and go to (Paramount’s) Kings Island. We’d get there before they opened, we’d queue up first in line at the gate, and then we’d literally run to be first on The Beast. And we’d stay there all day, until midnight, when the park closed down with a lovely fireworks display. (Aside: When did KI and, I suppose, Cedar Point, start closing at ten pm? For gods sake, I’m paying $50 or so to get in, to say nothing of the overpriced food and drink. Let me ride in the dark until the witching hour!) And in those days, Cedar Point was always sort of a Holy Grail. They had the Magnum XL 200, with a 200 foot drop. We always talked about going up there, but we never did, because it was like a five hour drive from Cincy and we were all too cheap to get a hotel. Eventually my friends hit on the bright idea of getting up at six am and driving up there, spending the day, and driving back, but I knew how my friends drove even when they weren’t sleep deprived, so I took a pass on that one.
So, fast forward about twenty years or so. I’ve bid adieu to Manhattan and come back to Ohio to take a job with a law firm in Columbus, and worked some time off for myself into the transition. I’ve gotta go up and sit in my empty apartment to get the gas turned on, and I think–well, why not finally go up to Cedar Point? And that’s what I did, today, on about as perfect a day as you could ask for–cool breezes, light crowds. And now I’m like: Crap, I’m nearly 35. Why in the world didn’t I do this sooner?
Seriously, I had such a hell of a time. I knew what I needed to hit: The Millenium Force, the Top Thrill Dragster, and the Magnum. A chat with a stranger at the hotel clued me in to the Maverick as well. Upon arriving at the park, I headed towards the Millenium. I was a little nervous, having not ridden a coaster more intense than the Cyclone in years. (And yes, the Cyclone is intense in its own way.) So I spotted the Iron Dragon and its 15 minute line, and took it as a warm-up lap. Delightful. On to the Millenium–and here’s the thing. I’ve been riding coasters for a long time now. I don’t really get that feeling in the stomach any more, unless there’s something weird about the coaster, like it goes backwards or has a more than 90 degree hill (hi, Maverick!) or whatever. But that doesn’t matter, because a 300 foot tall hill? That’s really, really big. And the lift is fast, but it’s not so fast that you don’t have plenty of time to appreciate that you are going way, way, WAY up into the air. You can look around at Lake Erie and notice that it’s really kinda far down there. And then oh, you’re at the top of the hill and all of the sudden you’re looking straight down 300 feet and OH SHIT! Gawd, what a rush. The stomach even fluttered for a moment, right at the beginning of that drop.
On to the Top Thrill Dragster. Again, I was a little bit intimidated. I don’t much care for free-fall rides–having my testicles retreat into my chest isn’t all that much fun, IMO. (For those of you who don’t know, the Dragster is a magnetically accelerated coaster: it accelerates you to 120mph in four seconds, then sends you 400 feet straight up and 400 feet straight down, for a total ride time of 17 seconds.) But I get in line, and slowly move up to the front. A line like this, I’m not going to worry about the front car–plus, I don’t know if I’m man enough for it, honestly. So in the car, with a random ride-buddy. (Flying solo again, that’s me.) The cars roll out of the station. We’re in the second train, and I’m waiting there, heart pounding. They do a damn fine job of making up for the lack of a hill to build anticipation–instead, you sit there with dragster sound effects, waiting for the “christmas tree” lights to signal the start. I’m watching the lights on the hill, waiting, waiting. And they go down and… Oh, there’s that train in front of us. It takes off, and we move into the starting position. And I go through the whole thing again–heart pounding, waiting, waiting–and then the lights hit green and I’m slammed back into the seat as we accelerate to 120 MPH, and it is, for some reason, the most hilarious thing I’ve ever experienced on a roller coaster. It gets even funnier as we go up the hill–all you can see is sky, and because it was just about noon, the sun–and then over the top and back down. And nothing in the stomach here, and no testicle retraction–maybe because I’m facing down instead of having the ground drop out from under me. But oh man, what a thrill! Honestly, I dissed the Dragster when it first came out–all it does is send you straight up and then straight back down? I ate my words today, and they were delicious.
I’ll spare you the rest–suffice it to say the Magnum is still a fine coaster, though it seems to enjoy battering the crap out of your thighs with the lap bar; the Mean Streak is up there with the most brutal coasters I’ve ever ridden, including the Cyclone and the Son of Beast; the Gemini is a coaster I would like to try to sleep on, as I think it nearly put me to sleep; the Gatekeeper is solid, though I don’t know as I’d wait in line two hours for it.
I think I might have to make an annual pilgrimage out of this from now on…
Anyway:
The Gatekeeper was open–lines were rough early in the day, but I swung by just before I left and was on in fifteen minutes. It’s smooth as glass, and has a lot of inversions, including the first hill. I wouldn’t stand in line for two hours for it or anything, but it’s a good ride.