This one’s for you, Ex. If anyone else feels left out, just let me know and also tell me what you want to hear about. I won’t be going out of my way, but you never know. You could determine the MMP in future weeks. But probably not, so don’t bother telling all your friends.
It all started last Fall. Well, probably a long time before that. If you want to get right down to it, it all started when God said
clap clap “Lights on!”
and there was a Big Bang when He blew His fusebox out and things just ain’t been right since. But in the little picture, it all started last Fall. In the even narrower picture it started last week. About Thursday I think. But last Fall is when it all started that made me need to start something else last week.
See, what happened was, my neighbor lady wanted a new fence between our yard and her yard. A privacy fence. Oh yeah, like I sit in the window with my binoculars when she’s out there tanning topless. Like I would do that. Intrude on other people while they are naked. Me? No way. And she’s never out there naked or even semi-naked anyway. But she wanted a new fence, so she had her dad come over and he built her a new fence. He did a really nice job of it too. The new fence looks nice. Of course there was an old fence there fist, so that had to be torn down. But they were really nice about it, telling us there plan and building the new fence before they tore down the old fence so our dogs didn’t escape.
So there was a fence and a fence. To be neighborly (and the Little Woman told me too) I took down the old fence. It was a post and split rail dealy. Some of it still is. Just the stretch where the new fence went it’s not. But the rest of the yard is the same post and split rail fence that all the neighbors have. It probably all went in at one time. But I didn’t live here then, so I can’t say. So I tore down the old fence and then they finished up our side of the privacy fence (Ha! The jokes on her! Now she can’t see me when I tan topless! Unless that was her plan all along…) and threw the old posts and rails in a pile because the neighbor lady’s dad said he’d cart it off and chop it up and burn it over the winter.
Only he never carted it off. Thus he also never chopped it up. Plus the burning thing never happened. So I had a big ol’ pile of ex-fence in my yard all winter. So I had to do something. I decided I would chop it up and burn it. Only not over the winter but when I get around to camping so I can have a big campfire. (It seems like pine and it’s been “seasoning” for, oh, twenty years so it’ll burn like whoosh!. Even without the gasoline.) Only I didn’t have a good saw to cut it up with. So I went to the hardware store and got me… a bow saw.
In my defense, it didn’t look like a lot of fence to cut up. And it was just (like I said) pine or something. I thought I could just zip through it. As it turned out, I couldn’t just zip through it. It was a lot of Zaroobah! Zaroobah! Zaroobah!. Do you hear any zip! in there? No, neither did I. So after two hours of sawing (not all in a row) I called my brother.
“Hey Skippy” I said. “Bring over your chain saw and cut up the other half of this pile for me.”
So he did. Both the bringing over his chainsaw and cutting the other half of the pile up for me. Brrrrrraaaaaaaaahhh!!! went the chainsaw and he was done in like ten minutes.
My half: two hours.
His half: ten minutes.
The chainsaw was really the way to go.
Now I have a big pile of cut up wood. I need to go camping and burn some up.
-Rue.