“Looks like Phil Donahue throwing up…in a tuba.”
They stood around drinking beer and
looking snotty for a full year.
I picture Clint Eastwood saying this… was it The Beguiled?
Naked Gun 33 1/3 ?
Slightly condensed to prevent it from being too easy:
“What is this?”
“What’s that? It’s a rubber. It’s a, you know, a condom.”
“Men, you know, put them on their penises to, to protect them from having babies. Understand?”
(Opens & demonstrates on his fingers)
“See? You get the picture?”
“And that fits?”
“Yeah, I mean, it’s made of rubber, it stretches.”
“And still, it fits?”
I thought that would take longer for someone to get correct.
Your avatar is a bit of a clue!
Alien Nation (1988)
You got it.
Ooh - nearly there !!! 
It was a Clint Eastwood film, but it was High Plains Drifter. well done
Ah, yes, now I remember… dang! Missed it by ::that:: much!
Pretty darn close ! 
“Well, I wish you luck. And I’ll tell you where to send my last check. Second coconut tree on the left!”
“What’s your real name, John?”
“I do so dislike martial music.”
No one’s got this one yet.
Hint: not a drama.
Blofeld, in Diamonds are Forever.
Bingo!
“…Pyro.”
X2: X-Men United.
“Hmmm. Relatively simple alcohol molecules with traces of fusel oil.”