Price Suspect
Detective Jane Timoney solves the mysteries of shopping at Walmart.
The Brady Punch - Is Wayne Brady gonna have to punch a bitch?
Two and a Half Meg - Three guys share a seriously under-powered computer.
Finger - Oh gawd there’s two of them! No, wait, ten.
Laws – A four hour monologue by Ben Stein reading from the Poughkeepsie Legal Code.
Huffy the vampire slayer.
She gets pissy if you don’t let her slay you.
Ok, I’ll try to stop.
Stat Wars Math geeks battle to the death over probability theories.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sucrets Harry’s got a sore throat and Luden’s just ain’t getting it done.
I trust Eric won’t mind if I steal his idea…
Pommy: A man becomes deaf dumb and blind after watching a Ken Russell movie.
Homo Alone: A boy accidently abandoned by his family spends a weekend writing showtunes and watching Oprah while fending off two older men.
Pele Rider: A Brazillian soccer champ protects a humble prospector village from a greedy mining company trying to encroach on their land.
Birth of a Notion: A southern racist sees his wife’s white sheets drying in the breeze and gets an idea…
**Das Book: **The story of a man who reads about u-boats.
Having Private Ryan: a group of soldiers sets out to find just the right guy.
The Silence of the Lames - How to fix creaking wheelchairs.
Some Like It Not - People who are not amused by crossdressers.
The DaVinni Code. A legal scholar eventually learns to interpret Jersey Lawyer Speak, finally breaking the Mofia’s grip on the world.
Watershit Down. A pleasant rural community is turned upside down and eventually destroyed as civilization encroaches, overwhelming their antiquated sewer system.
Beet It. An early popular song created by Walt Disney telling about the goodness of vegetables. Ahead of its time, it was also made into what most experts now consider the first music video. It starred various vegetables dancing in the street, with the main character being a large beet in blackface wearing one jewel encrusted glove, smashing cars, and thrusting its “hips” and glove suggestively.
Mhina Beach. A Star Wars spin off where Jar Jar Binks is transported through time and space ending up as a nurse in a military hospital on the front lines of the Vietnam war. This classic produced that now iconic and timeless pop phrase “Messas gonna throw up”. Warning graphic operating room scenes.
Apocalapse NOW. A gripping financial tale where a low level worker at the National Organization of Women files a TPS report late, severelly threatening the finacial existence of the organization.
Lard of the Flies. The fast food obesity epidemic in America finally reaches a critical mass where even flies become to fat to fly, leading the total ecological collapse.
Lord of the Rungs. A hobbit community is devastated by a windstorm. Being short and unable to get onto their roofs to repair them drastic measures are called for. In desperation several young hobbits are sent on a quest to find the mythical aluminum ladder created and hiddlen by the god Alcoa eons ago.
Apollo 14. Another low budget porn movie by Ron Hayward. Apollo astronauts (one being female) discover the god Apollo stranded on the Moon. Turns out Apollo is very attractive to both men and women and has a 14 inch package. Lunar bow chicka chicka action quickly ensues.
The Rocky Horror Picture Shot - The same movie where people take Tequila shots when anyone says “Oh, Brad” or “Great, Scott!”
Star Tars - The invasion by aliens who crash into the La Brea Tar Pits.
The Amen - An American ambassador learns to his horror that his son is actually the literal Christ.
The Zen Commandments - Moses sits his people around in a big circle and has everyone meditate on the right way to live while the tide comes in.
An American in Parts - Gershwin-loving serial killer Jason Voorhees takes his chainsaw to France
Queef of the Damned. Nothing changes.
Soup
These are the Plates, and these are the Campbells, and this is Soup.
Token: Aliens abduct minorities to avoid accusations of prejudice.
The Eager Sanction: An assassin really looks forward to his next assignment.
The Exercist: A priest visits a house to help their little girl lose some weight.
Seven Deadly Sims: “Wow, I didn’t know you could get them to do that!”
Beefer Madness. A cautionary tale of the dangers of beef produced by Oprah. The known dangers of beef, such as bad driving, masturbation, poor sexual mores, violence, uncontrollable laughing, and eventually insanity and incarceration are revealed.
E.U. A crack team of accountants, business men, and economists staff an economic trauma unit, continually dealing with relentless stream of European countries having one various economic crisis or another. George Clooney stars as the hunky PHD Economist.
U.F.A A secret military branch of the Canadian government battles it out with mysterious alien spacecraft whose nefarious ends are yet to be determined.
Dunces with Wolves One of Stephen Kings earlier and more disturbing works. A bus load of mentally challenged adults and children are being transported across the midwest when thier bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere. The driver has a fatal stroke while trying to fix the bus in the heat. Trapped, these poor helplesss folks are soon picked off one by one by a pack of wolves. Finally, it is down to just one little spunky white girl, who is saved at the last minute by a magical black man in some fancy duds driving a pink cadillac with curb feelers on his way to Vegas.
Space 1995 Lunar Colonists fight for their lives as the moon is flung from its orbit due to the Earth being torn asunder as all the Windows 95 operating systems crash at the same time.
The Greatest American Zero. A documentary detailing the collapse of the world economy due to one greedy American accountant who finally figures out how to make a profit by dividing by zero.
Maule A dark humor comedy from the 70s. Staring a smart and smart talking rather big boned woman that looks more like a man. Its funny until you piss her off just a bit too much at which point Dexter like things happen in the basement.
**Seven Bribes for Seven Brothers: ** If you want something from the Pontipees, you gotta grease a lot of palms.
**Two Males for Sister Sara: ** AKA, Bang the Nun Slowly.
A Sale Of Two Titties Self-explanatory.
(I know, changed a lot more than one letter, but I wanted to play too.)
No, that’s not Data reassuringly approaching his unsuspecting crewmates on the Enterprise; it’s Lore, Actually.