I am abnormally freaked out by something changing or unexpected. I’m told that’s an Aspie thing. I get bent out of shape when I’m told I have a dentist appointment tomorrow I didn’t know about, or when I thought I was going to spedn the afternoon doing one thing and it turns out it’s something else. It take take me days to come to grips with a friend’s new haircut (in that I’m not absolutely stunned whenever I see that person). Any major change in my perception of something leaves me in shock. If I am to take something in stride, I need to be otld about it in advance. the bigger the change or suprise, the longer in advance i need to be told.
when september elebnth happened, I was in sventh grade. I comopletely failed to graps the full inplications of what happened (it took me many months, I was immature and stupid) so my first reaction was along the lines of “Omigod, the Towers are down? That’s going to change the map of new York! The Empire Stae Bulding is going to be the tallest one in New York again0- they’re going to have to change thw records!”
I swear to Og, that’s the part the freaked me out most (again, my defense is that I was young and stupid and didn’t fully comprehend the tragedy involved). That what I knew as Fact had changed.
I am probably not in compnay ere. except among people on the specdttrum. I have never understood how anyone deals with it, though. I am over emotional,ut I think a nuerotypical person would tell me to stop crying and get over my self. my sister would understand though. she’s very autistsic and she goes into a fulkl-blown fit if she’s not allowed to wear the clothing her routien dictates.
What is your suprise threashhold?
(sorry i am not very coherent and specific and spelled i am dhaving a very bad day ad night right now).
I’m sorry you had a bad day. I found your post quite coherent, and we can forgive the typos. No big deal!
I have similar issues with unexpected change. I am the opposite of spontaneous (nontaneous? suoenatnops? whatever you wanna call it). But, I’m not anywhere on the autistic spectrum. Social anxiety and agoraphobia are a *really *bad combination for someone who already suffers from inertia and generally lacks motivation. I tend to over-focus on what other people are thinking when they look at me (even though I know it’s irrational)… but I can’t stop thinking it. I can’t get anything done unless I make lists and plan activities in advance. If confronted with a necessary, unexpected deviation from my plans (which thankfully doesn’t happen very often), I have to sit and visualize myself doing it before I can even get up and go.
This doesn’t apply to work, though, just to my personal life. At work I understand that my schedule is determined by somebody else, and may have frequent task changes that I’m not in control of. I guess I’ve compartmentalized it to stop it from bothering me there.
So, for some examples: I will go a really long time without getting a haircut (even though I need, want, and can afford one). I will order food deliverered instead of going out to pick up dinner for less than half the price, because the internet allows me plenty of time to deliberate. I like surprise gifts, but never surprise activities. Nobody who knows me would *ever *randomly show up at my door, because I discourage it. I don’t answer the telephone unless I am expecting a call. I will consider a texted invitation if it’s at least a couple days in advance (preferably a week out), but I will never just drop everything and spontaneously “go out.” I just can’t. Gotta envision myself doing it, first.
I went on an un-planned outing with some friends after school in ninth grade- I overhead some other girls on the bus talking about going out to a local take-out place, and I called my mom on someone’s phone and asked if I could not go straight home- and I still remember it, and how weird it felt to be changing my plans on the fly.
How much do you need visits to your house planned? Like, if you know a friend is in town and wants to visit, are you on Visitor Alert for the next few days or hours? Or does the friend still have to make an exact time?
I am okay with changes that I have put into action, even if the outcomes were unexpected and not always pleasant. The last time I went traveling, I was expecting the hostel where I was staying to be a nicer place than it was. I didn’t feel too disappointed, though, and was able to roll with it (and in the future, if I decide to stay at another hostel, I’ll know what to bring “just in case”).
But some changes just don’t settle well with me. One reason I don’t like visiting family for the holidays is the not having structure thing. I can keep my discomfort pretty well to myself, but inside I’ll be restless and ansy and keep thinking how nice it would be to go home where I can keep the same schedule. At least when I go to an out-of-town conference, there’s an agenda and I know I’ll be busy the whole day. But I don’t like open-endedness anymore. I like knowing what I will be doing, how long it will take, etc. I think it’s because I know that there are a lot of things I don’t want to do. If one of those things pop up, I’m not going to be a happy camper.
I think tolerance to all kinds of stress builds up as you get older. You may need to desensitize yourself a little by breaking up your routine and talking yourself through changes.
I don’t have long-distance friends who come to town, so it’s a nonissue. But yeah, if I did, we would have to make plans for a specific time. More likely, I’d rather go out and do something with them. There isn’t a lot to do at my place, since I don’t have tv or a couch in my space.
I have learned to embrace change and look forward to surprises.
Lost jobs, found better ones!
Meant to go one place and found myself elsewhere and had a great time!
Sudden phone call from a friend in town and we quickly arrange to meet and have a wonderful time on the fly.
When we were kids, everything was “new” to us - first times for lots of things! Sadly, as we grow older there are fewer and fewer new things and we start to get jaded or fall into a rut. Thus, whenever I have the opportunity to try something new - food, travel, experiences of all kinds, I am like a kid again!
Sure, not all change is for the good - new aches and pains or sad news - but that is the beauty of a full life; you never really know what is around the corner but it keeps you on your toes and gives you hope for new and better things to come!
A life without change and surprises would be quite boring and sad.
When my boss comes to me 10 minutes before I am walking out the door for the day, on Friday, and tells me there is something that absolutely needs to be done RIGHT NOW (that she has been sitting on for a few days), I shoot her in the face.
Just kidding. Actually I perform the “Bruce Willis in the car yelling at his girlfriend who forgot his watch scene” from Pulp Fiction, when I finally am heading home.
And that’s pretty much all I do about change. Curse a lot about it, but then generally accept it and get over it. It’s just another stupid thing that I have to deal with every stupid day.
I found your post quite coherent, and we can forgive the typos. No big deal!