Hi all. I can’t seem to sleep and am in a reflective state of mind. So much change has happened in my life over the past year and a half. I feel overall much more satisfied, and while I would say staying happy is daily pursuit which requires me to be responsible to how I handle myself and time…sometimes I get this feeling of…have I changed myself too much? Have I wandered from some sort of original path? And am I becoming too scattered in my interests and pursuits?
So much good has happened over the past year and a half. I’ve lost weight, had some more experience with women, moved into the city, obtained a new job (which is high stress. It’s a short term job until June…I sort of look at it as an experiment and a chance to increase some skills), and taken up dance (which I LOVE). I could write a whole thread on how much I enjoy dance (mostly West Coast Swing…so much fun)
Now my life hasn’t been consistent. I’ve moved around, had many different jobs (in the same field though), and I’ve tried lots of different things (travel, music, dance, academic classes in math). I feel like life is this giant universe of exploration…and that I want to continue to explore until I really feel I “know” the absolute best activities for me. But hence i have this feeling of being too scattered and perhaps not as focused as I should be. I’m 31 years old…and sometimes I feel like I’m acting like I’m 25. I also feel like my identity has changed and that It’s something I’m working on getting used to (and having others understand). One of my goals has been to get myself to be more “in the moment”. I feel I’ve grown considerably in that regard.
I could have spent my life just on performing music…but I remember being 24 and thinking that I hadn’t explored life enough and was depressed about it. Now I have this flip feeling like maybe I should have just really focused on one thing and have been really good at it. I still love music, and I still perform and teach…but I could have developed it much further Again though…I would not have learned how much I enjoyed other forms of musicality, nor would I have understood how to interact with children (and adults) as much as I have without being a teacher. I feel more broad right now, and less specialized. Anyone else ever feel like they are having a hard time being comfortable with new uncovered aspects of their identity?