Right. I know the Seinfeld clip is meant to be funny, but a lot of people feel that way. They want a gift, but don’t express disappointment with charitable donations because it makes them sound like assholes. How bad does it sound to say “Starving kids? For fuck’s sake, I wanted an iTunes gift card!” If you know the person will appreciate it (you know the people you’re buying gifts for better than I do), then go for it. Otherwise, buy 'em scarves from The Gap or something.
cwPartner and I do it for all of our adult relatives (the ones we do gifts for at all, anyway). It works very well for two reasons:
(1) They already place a high value on charitable giving;
(2) We choose charities they’ve said they like.
It probably helps that that we tape the donation card to a tin of homemade fudge and caramel.
The parents at my school donate money to the PTA scholarship fund in their kids’ teachers’ names, and to be perfectly honest, it annoys me. I don’t expect a Christmas gift, but the scholarship thing is annoying because it seems to assume that what I want most from a parent is to help pay for their kid to go to college. It’s a gift from the parent to the school community, with me just a proxy for “the school”. That isn’t a bad thing, and they’ve certainly done nothing wrong, but I don’t feel anything about it. It’s not about me, it’s not a gift to me. I’d much rather get a Christmas card with a single positive statement about their kid’s experience in my class. That will make me float all day.
I also don’t like being told that someone gave money for charity for me. It definitely doesn’t qualify as a gift. Even if it’s something that I would want to give my money to, I don’t like the idea of somebody else taking it upon themselves to think I’d want to donate at that time.
You see, I am quite poor. I’ve actually had to make use of gifts from charities lately. So giving a gift to a charity comes off as ignoring the beggar in your own front yard.
I know the rest of you guys already agree that one should only give to charity in someone else’s name if you are sure they would want you to. With my example, I just just want to drive home why they might not. (And not because we’re selfish like George)
I don’t give to charity, and I don’t want my name attached to a donation.
This is not a gift, imo.
I’m all for it. I do not need another cat statue holding a fishbowl.
Of course, I would want the money to go to charities I support, and that could be tricky.
I would be very disappointed indeed. But that’s because I live in Japan where Christmas is not a big deal, and despite nineteen years with my husband he has still not gotten it. So on Christmas Day the kids and he open their presents from me. And I watch them. Add my parents in, giving a donation in my name instead of the only present I usually get, and I might just crack up and cry…
(This sounds bleaker than it is - I am just one person up against a huge amount of differing culture here, and I am looked after and loved in other ways by my family so I’ve just got to suck it up. But it is a bit lonely sometimes!)
I decided a couple of years ago that I thought it was really tacky having people waste money buying me gifts I didn’t want, when plenty of other people would appreciate a gift. And I am far, far away from being a Christian.
So I told everyone not to buy me a Christmas gift, to instead leave a gift for some poor kid under a charity tree. Everyone in my family, except my nephews, said do the same for me. So the only gifts I buy are for them.
At work, after I had harangued everyone, they agreed to halving the price of the gifts we give each other and buying kids gifts with the rest.
People think I am being a Scrooge because I think the western middle class attitude to Christmas is really grotesque. But it is just a question of maximum utility - I used to find gifts I had received, stored in cupboards, in the original packaging because I didn’t want or need them. Now I know that every dollar went to someone who didn’t own enough stuff to lose presents in storage.
Hopefully the greedy bastard nephews will join the program eventually. But I do buy good presents.
I buy my mother a selection of small gifts, one of which will be an animal/charity sponsorship so that she knows part of what I spent on her has gone to a good cause. I also don’t send xmas cards around the office and instead have made a donation to a local homeles shelter - when I emailed my colleagues to say that they wouldn’t be getting a card but the homeless would benefit from it, several of them emailed back saying what a great idea it was and that they wished they’d thought to do it too.
As for me, I am happy for people to make donations to charity in my name but I am quite picky about the charities I choose to support so if they know that I am particularly keen on one of them, then that’s good.
In my opinion it’s tacky unless they asked you to. Since you presumably chose a charity that you already support, I’d say it’s worse than just telling them “I didn’t buy you a present, and spent it on what I want instead”, since at least then you wouldn’t be forcing them to feign appreciation of your non-present to avoid looking like a bad person. You’re the one getting the credit for the public display of charity, while they’re the one who missed out on a present.
I’d just like to point out that if I had a friend as hard off as you’re sounding, I’d not wait until Christmas to help them out. When my friends are hitting hard times, I do what I can to help- whether that’s bringing over dinner or whatever else.
That said, I’m still young- it’s not like I can pay your rent or mortgage for you, my friend. I’ve got $20 to spend on you for Christmas- I’m not just going to hand you $20, that’s insulting.
Plus, I can say that I can’t think of anyone in my life that is facing particularly hard times right now- belt tightening sure, but no one is destitute to the point where they need help and $20 would be an amazing help, not an insulting hand out.
To me it feels like “Here, I wanted to give to a charity and get extra points for getting you a present at the same time.” If you want to give to a charity, do that. But if you’re looking to get me a present, it should be something I actually would wish for. At the very least it should be a charity that I care about.
I realize that sounds selfish, but I give to my own charities when I can, I usually only get one or two presents for Christmas, and like BigT, I have spent much of this year being a charity all on my own. I’m all for giving to charities and getting goats for people, but combining it with gifts strikes me the wrong way unless that’s what the recipient actually wants.
I’m not a fan of it. In my opinion, giving to charity is just something people do, and doesn’t really call for a ton of fanfare. It kind of feels like to me that when a gift-giver gives to charity it is kind of asking for them to get the social status of being a generous person, while the giftee gets nothing except maybe a slight chiding that they aren’t quite as generous as their friends.
Slightly self-righteous here? Just because people like gifts doesn’t make them greedy bastards.
Definite thumbs down. I wanna give you a gift. You. I don’t want to help someone out on your behalf instead of giving a gift to you. Partially, this is because I already give money and (some) time to about ten charities/aid organizations. That’s enough. Now I want to do something for you. I like you and want to give you a gift. Frankly, I suspect that a lot of this charitable donating in lieu of gifts is a mutual easy out. You donate some cash to a charity I like, I do the same for you, and we can forget about thinking up a gift, getting/creating it, and the damn wrapping. Hey, with credit card and Internet connection, I can be done with gifts in an hour. It’s a less embarrassing substitute for the gift certificate or check exchange.
I know: “But it’s what I want! I really, really want you to help out the less fortunate on my behalf instead of giving me something!” Not buyin’ it. I’m already helping out the less fortunate on my own behalf. You do the same on your own behalf. Or if you really insist, I’ll help out the less fortunate on your behalf, but then I’ll get you a gift.
As for me, you wanna get me a gift? (Probably not, I imagine.) But if you do, lime green is my favorite color.
I would hate it. I really would. I agree with the others that it would just feel like you wanted me to know what a really, really good person you are. And what the hell am I going to do with this stupid certificate now? Hang it on my wall? Think not.
I also work for a charity and we mail the shit out of people (I can’t help it, it’s not me!) and I’d be eyeing every piece of mail suspiciously from then on.
Right. I think the “Charity donation as a Christmas gift- y/n?” question can be more or less answered with “If that’s what the person wants.”
I think that most people that would really appreciate that kind of thing tend to come out and say it when you ask them what they would like for Christmas.
I am not totally against the idea but which charity you choose is really important. It must be something that interests the receiver, not the giver. One year, my MIL gave a donation to her church in my name. Not only am I not religious, but I find her particular church to be creepy and weird. And now they have my name… I count this as one of the worst “gifts” I ever got. She clearly didn’t think of me when she was doing in it.
If someone is going to give to a charity for me, I would much rather that it was a)something that I cared deeply about and b)something they wouldn’t normally donate to.
I don’t know. I strongly suspect that most people who prefer this sort of thing are secretly thinking “Thank god he sent a donation in my name. Now I don’t have to think up a gift for him! I can just fling a few bucks to Neet for Hairy Backs, his favorite charity.”
I’m not against donations in the slightest. I dole out lots of 'em – in my own name. If everyone really wants to scrap gifts and just go with donations to show true Christmas sprit, I’m cool with that. But in our own names, right? Let’s cut out this “in your name” business. It’s phony. Donate money in your own name. I’ll give you your gift and you’ll like it! Here - choke!
Bah! Giving in someone else’s name is a bad precedent. Next thing you know, the extortionists at the cashier will be suggesting that your $120 grocery bill can be matched and donated by the store in your name if you just cough up 90% of it.
I don’t want more crap. I’d give more to charity if I could afford it, but I wouldn’t buy more crap. If you give to charity instead of buying me crap, you are extending “my” charitable giving, helping others, and keeping me from dealing with more crap. Everyone wins.
Very few people have the ability to give me a physical gift that I will cherish. Everyone has the ability to give me a figurative gift that I will cherish.
I don’t care if someone donates only because she thinks it makes her look good. The motives behind all gifts can be skewed. And the hungry person or animal doesn’t care at all why the money got sent.