I have started the Great Closet Cleaning Process [sup]TM[/sup]!
So long, 80s paisley pants!
Farewell, suit-jacket with the Laura Brannigan shoulder pads and too-pointy-lapels!
Good riddance tights-that-have-a-vicious-run (but I’ve kept them for ages and ages, though I don’t know why).
Outta here fancy blouse with the fancy buttons that my mom bought me (Mom, what WERE you thinking?!!?)!
Buh-bye dress pants I bought but have never worn (What the hell WAS I thinking?!!?)
Jeans that taper in tight to the ankles? Stirrup pants? Begone, vile fashion nightmares!
Harketh! There’s the belt from the days of yore when I was an 80s punk-rocker-wannabe who was too timid to commit to the necessary haircut! And the scruffy ripped jeans too, with 10 year-old (at least), long-forgotten lollipops permanently fused to the fabric inside the pockets!
Could it be?.. The hemp shorts that I bought in second year university as a hippy-wannabe-tree-hugger. I was trying to be so environmentally conscious, but the shorts are two sizes too big, men’s… and well, quite honestly they are hideous!
Helloooo, *Flaming Orange Disco Jumpsuit!!! * With your sewed-on sash at the waist, your rhinestone studded zipper, and your bell-bottomed legs with flares wider than my waist! Why, you fancy outfit, you… You were never even worn by my mother! You have survived obsoloscence to return as “Hallowe’en Costume” and therefore you shall inhabit a revered portion of the closet where you shall be held in the highest of esteem. And, by God, you are 100% polyester!!! My eyes are getting teary
What’s in your closet?