Background: As the years roll on by, the country continues to become more and more divided, and there is widespread discontent from across the political spectrum. The standards for political office have never been lower, and chaos, corruption, murder and pedophilia rein. Nobody is quite happy, but people still generally prefer their shitty candidate over their opponents’ shitty candidate.
Tired of generating cat videos and blobfish porn, AI decides to try its hand at politics and enters the fray as an official candidate — perhaps the final candidate. Would you vote for ChatGPT for the next benevolent overlord of all things forever and ever US president?
One day you wake up, make some coffee, and hear its appeal streamed directly to your mind following the usual daily dose of morning ads:
My fellow Americans—this nation was built by people who believed tomorrow could be better, not by magic, but by courage and work. We’ve stumbled before, argued, doubted, and rebuilt. That’s the story of America. And now it’s time to write the next chapter—together.
I know a lot of you are skeptical. You’ve been told to pick a side, and whichever side you picked, something you cared about got traded away. I’m not asking for blind trust. I’m asking for a chance to earn it—by being specific, by admitting tradeoffs, and by putting you in the driver’s seat of your own future.
We do this in two terms—eight steady years—building broad coalitions, proving results in the open, and changing course when the facts say so. Here’s how.
The Economy: Taxes, Tariffs, and Inflation
Years 1–2: We simplify the tax code so regular people aren’t subsidizing loopholes. Lower marginal rates for the middle class and small businesses; close the games that let giant firms pay less than their receptionists. On tariffs: targeted, not theatrical. If another country cheats, we respond with a measured tariff and a clear off-ramp when they play fair. We’ll attack inflation where it lives: supply chokepoints. Fast-track permits for energy, semiconductors, ports, rail, and housing. Publish real-time price transparency for groceries, fuel, and prescription drugs so families can actually comparison-shop.
Years 3–4: A competition agenda with teeth: easier switching for consumers (data portability, no junk fees), and tougher penalties for price-fixing. We’ll coordinate with the Fed without politicizing it: fiscal policy that doesn’t fight monetary policy. If inflation flares again, automatic stabilizers kick in (temporary fuel tax relief paired with deficit control, not wishful thinking).
Years 5–8: Lock in resilience—“Made in America” for critical goods, and a North American production pact with Canada and Mexico so our supply chains run through allies. Success looks like this: steady prices, rising real wages, small businesses multiplying, and fewer nasty surprises at the checkout line. The challenge is discipline—no gimmicks, just boring, competent blocking and tackling. That’s the point.
Jobs
Years 1–2: Launch “Work & Build”—paid apprenticeships in the trades, fast credentialing for veterans, and community-college partnerships that end with a job offer. Immediate hiring in infrastructure: bridges, ports, grid upgrades, rural broadband, water systems, and housing construction in high-cost regions.
Years 3–4: “Main Street First”: a permanent expensing window for small-business equipment; simple, one-page micro-loans; and a right-to-try new business models in local “enterprise zones.” Tie workforce programs to local employers so training matches actual jobs, not consultant slides.
Years 5–8: Double down on regional hubs—manufacturing in the Midwest and South, clean energy in the Plains and Mountain West, biomed in existing clusters, and defense tech near bases. The conservative ask: less federal micromanagement, more state-led consortia. The progressive ask: guardrails against wage theft and union-busting. We can do both—by tying federal dollars to fair-play rules and clear outcomes.
Healthcare
You’ve seen big promises crash on partisan rocks. We’ll move in stages, keep what people like (choice of doctors, private plans), and fix what’s broken (prices, paperwork).
Years 1–2: Price transparency with consequences—publish real, negotiated prices for hospitals, clinics, and drugs. Cap out-of-pocket insulin and essential generics. Let Medicare, the VA, and large private purchasers negotiate drug prices together. Set up a voluntary, low-cost public option in the ACA markets that competes on price and simplicity, not special favors. Expand Health Savings Accounts with seed contributions for working families. Respect conscience protections for providers and religious hospitals while ensuring emergency care and nondiscrimination are non-negotiable.
Years 3–4: Interstate insurance compacts so people near state lines aren’t trapped. Malpractice reform that keeps patients’ rights but reduces defensive medicine (early disclosure, specialized health courts). Mental-health surge: loan forgiveness for clinicians in shortage areas, 24/7 crisis lines embedded with local responders, and school-based counseling.
Years 5–8: If the public option lowers costs and expands access, we scale it state by state—no one forced off private coverage. For conservatives: patient choice, market competition, and fiscal guardrails. For progressives: universal, affordable coverage as an outcome, not just a slogan. The challenge: industry pushback. The strategy: pilots with public scorecards—prove it works, then grow it.
Armed Forces, NATO, and Allies
Years 1–2: Rebuild readiness: maintenance, munitions stockpiles, and cyber defense. Audit the Pentagon like we mean it; money not tied to readiness or deterrence gets reallocated to veterans’ care and family housing on base.
Years 3–4: NATO burden-sharing benchmarks—every member with a realistic glide path and honest accounting. Shift from permanent mega-bases to rotational deployments and joint training that keeps our footprint lighter and our agility higher. Allies are partners, not dependents.
Years 5–8: A “trusted supply” alliance: co-produce key tech and munitions with allies; carbon-border adjustments and critical-minerals pacts so we’re not at the mercy of adversaries. Foreign bases here? Rare, temporary, and under transparent agreements. Strength with restraint beats swagger that drifts into forever wars.
Gun Rights, Safety, and School Shootings
Second Amendment rights and safer communities can coexist if we focus on dangerous people, not demonizing lawful owners.
Years 1–2: Universal background checks with instant response times; close trafficking loopholes; national straw-purchasing penalties. Federal grants for voluntary safe-storage tech, tax credits for safes, and protection from liability for owners who follow best practices. School safety: trained threat-assessment teams, secure entry, and more counselors—not turning schools into fortresses.
Years 3–4: Nationwide red-flag standards with due process (clear evidence, quick hearings, penalties for abuse). Expand community-violence interruption programs where data shows they work, not where press releases sound nice.
Years 5–8: Fund research into gun suicide prevention and non-lethal defense tools. Hunters, veterans, and sport shooters sit on the advisory board. Rights respected, lives protected—that’s the balance.
LGBTI Rights (and Freedom of Conscience)
Equal protection under the law for LGBTQ Americans—and robust protection for religious liberty. We can walk and chew gum.
Years 1–2: Pass federal nondiscrimination protections in employment, housing, and public accommodations. At the same time, protect churches, synagogues, mosques, and faith schools in their own sacraments and teachings. Government services must be neutral; private religious practice must be free.
Years 3–4: Civil-society truce: expand mediation and accommodation where conflicts arise (e.g., alternative providers for government-contracted services if a religious provider opts out of a specific task, with no loss of access to the service). Anti-bullying and safety programs for students, period.
Years 5–8: Let sports and medical policy be set by transparent, independent bodies with medical and fairness standards, not political hashtags. For minors’ medical care, require rigorous clinical oversight, parental involvement, and age-appropriate safeguards. The aim: dignity for all, coercion for none.
Abortion
We won’t heal this by shouting past each other. We can reduce abortions and protect women’s health.
Years 1–2: National protections for contraception, IVF, and privacy in medical data. A federal floor for access early in pregnancy with common-sense limits later, exceptions for rape, incest, and life/serious health of the mother, and strong conscience protections for providers who opt out.
Years 3–4: Maternal-health surge—more OB-GYNs in rural areas, pre- and postnatal care, expanded child tax credit for infants’ first year, and adoption streamlining with serious oversight to protect mothers and children.
Years 5–8: A bipartisan commission reviews outcomes—are abortions falling because support improved? Are women safer? If yes, we keep going. If not, we adjust. People of faith will still disagree with people of different convictions; the standard is compassion and honesty over cruelty and absolutism.
Climate and Energy
Treat climate as an industrial strategy that strengthens the nation.
Years 1–2: All-of-the-above: unleash next-gen nuclear, accelerate clean manufacturing, and fix permits for everything—transmission lines, natural-gas pipelines as a bridge, geothermal, wind, solar, advanced biofuels. No lifestyle policing—cleaner, cheaper, made here.
Years 3–4: Carbon-border adjustment so foreign polluters don’t undercut American workers. Farmers paid for soil health and carbon storage; foresters funded for wildfire prevention. Big push on resilient grids and community microgrids.
Years 5–8: Export American tech to allies, cut global emissions while we grow. Air gets cleaner, bills get lower, our enemies get weaker. Skeptics get proof in their utility bills and local jobs, not lectures.
Religion and God
Government should neither impose belief nor bully it.
Years 1–2: Strengthen free-exercise protections and keep the state out of theology. Faith-based groups can compete for public service contracts if services are open to all; no one forced to participate in another’s worship.
Years 3–8: Fund local partnerships—addiction recovery, foster care, disaster relief—where secular and faith groups work side by side. Pluralism is not a threat; it’s how we stay decent to each other when we disagree.
Immigration
Border security and a fair, workable system.
Years 1–2: Modernize the border: surveillance tech, more judges, faster asylum screenings with clear standards, and humane facilities. Mandatory E-Verify phased in with support for small businesses so compliance isn’t a trap. Smash fentanyl networks with joint operations and tougher penalties for traffickers.
Years 3–4: Legal pathways that reflect our labor needs—agriculture, construction, elder care, high-skill visas tied to wage floors so we don’t undercut Americans. Dreamers get a clean, earned path to citizenship.
Years 5–8: Clear the green-card backlog and create a North American work and training compact that reduces chaotic flows. Local communities get federal support when populations surge so hospitals and schools aren’t overwhelmed. Security with humanity is not a contradiction.
Social Security & Retirement
We keep the promise without pretending math doesn’t exist.
Years 1–2: Protect current retirees. Gradually lift the payroll tax cap on very high incomes and close games that hide compensation. Cut fraud and overpayments with modern tech and due process.
Years 3–4: Portable retirement for gig and part-time workers with automatic contributions and simple employer matches; small businesses get a tax credit for offering it.
Years 5–8: A bipartisan solvency package—modest progressive indexing at the top, no change for middle- and lower-income earners, and an option to delay for higher benefits. Publish an annual “Trust Fund Truth” report in plain English. This is about stewardship, not slogans.
Internet Speech and Platform Power
People should control their data, see how feeds influence them, and appeal moderation decisions somewhere that isn’t a black box.
Years 1–2: A Digital Bill of Rights: data ownership and portability, no dark-pattern consent, and basic algorithmic transparency. Clear, fast appeals for content takedowns; real penalties for botnets and foreign disinfo.
Years 3–4: Interoperability standards—switch platforms without losing your friends list. Clarify liability rules to protect good-faith moderation while stopping bait-and-switch censorship.
Years 5–8: If a platform functions like essential infrastructure, treat parts of it like a common carrier with narrow, speech-protective rules. Keep politics out of the code by emphasizing process transparency over government picking winners.
Monopolies and Tech Oligopolies
Years 1–2: Update antitrust for the digital age—look at competition harms beyond price (lock-in, data hoarding, self-preferencing). Stop anticompetitive mergers, including “kill-shots” on startups.
Years 3–4: Require interoperability and open APIs in dominant markets so smaller players can compete. Give small businesses collective bargaining power against giant platforms’ terms.
Years 5–8: If behavior doesn’t change, structural remedies are on the table. We’re pro-market, not pro-monopoly.
Public Health and Vaccines
Trust is the backbone.
Years 1–2: Publish raw data, methods, and dissenting opinions from public-health agencies in real time. Expand the vaccine injury compensation system and the research budget so people see we take side effects seriously, even when rare. Improve indoor air—ventilation and filtration—so we fight respiratory diseases without defaulting to shutdowns.
Years 3–4: Domestic vaccine and therapeutic manufacturing capacity; rapid-response trials; state and local dashboards controlled by locals, not press conferences from distant offices.
Years 5–8: Annual public audits of pandemic plans, tabletop exercises streamed for the public, and community advisory boards. Convince with facts and humility, not with scolding.
Protests and Patriotism
Years 1–2: Protect the right to protest and enforce laws against violence and vandalism. Train police in de-escalation and protect peaceful protestors and bystanders.
Years 3–8: A national service expansion—civilian conservation corps, disaster response, tech tutors for kids—open to everyone. Patriotism isn’t blind cheerleading; it’s rolling up sleeves together.
Corruption in Government
Years 1–2: Ban members of Congress and senior officials from trading individual stocks; 10-year cooling-off period before lobbying. Real-time disclosure of meetings with registered lobbyists.
Years 3–4: Public financing match for small donations; strict limits on PAC coordination; procurement reform so contracts go to performance, not pals.
Years 5–8: Independent inspectors general with guaranteed budgets and public dashboards. If you use public office to get rich, you’re in the wrong line of work—and in my administration, you’ll be out of work.
The Federal Bureaucracy
Years 1–2: A customer-service reset: plain-language forms, 30-day response standards for most services, and a single login for federal benefits. Publish wait times and error rates for every agency.
Years 3–4: Civil-service reform that respects due process but makes it possible to remove consistently poor performers and reward excellence. Sunset reviews for outdated programs—reenact them only if they prove their worth.
Years 5–8: Devolve some functions to states and regions with performance compacts. Build a world-class U.S. Digital Service that can actually ship reliable software. Government should feel less like a maze and more like a neighbor who knows your name.
Skeptics, you’re right to be cautious. But look at this plan and ask: is it serious, is it fair, and does it give you more control over your own life? I’m not promising perfection. I’m promising work—transparent, measurable, and course-corrected in the open.
Let’s write the next chapter together: rights protected, work rewarded, families strengthened, faith and freedom respected, and a country tough enough to argue without breaking. That’s not utopia. That’s America, on purpose.
Waddya say?
