Chauncey Howell: local newsman, raging bigot

The BBQ Pit
1

So, I’m riding the LIRR sitting next to Chauncey Howell (formerly of WABC news and now on Channel 12, Long Island) when there is a problem with the ticket taker. Some guy is trying to beat the fare. When the ticket taker gets to our seat, Mr. Howell asks what the problem was. The ticket taker tells him how the guy was trying to use an expired monthly pass. Mr. Howell then says:

“Yea, just like the guys how hide in the bathroom. You know why you have this problem? Because this train originates in Brooklyn.”

I say (to the ticket taker): “Because it’s well known that nobody in Manhattan would ever try to beat the fare.”

“No, they don’t!” Mr. Chauncey Howell exclaims. When I pointed out to him that the very train we are riding originated in Manhattan, goes through Queens and never stops anywhere near Brooklyn, he brushes that off by saying all the fare-beaters got on in Jamaica-- changing from Brooklyn.

He goes on to say that he’s “seen the crack houses in Coney Island.” Have you ever been to Alphabet City? I ask. Is there something in the water in Brooklyn that turns people into criminals that is not found in Manhattan?

Mr. Chauncey Howell then goes on this elitist, bigoted rant whose major points were:

  1. The streets named after his family in Brooklyn are now overrun by “those people”. Van Housen St, Chauncey St and Howell St where were the real New York Families used to live and now look what happened when the old families no longer live there.

  2. Brooklyn (and The Bronx) is filled with nothing but welfare using, crackhead immigrants.

  3. Since he is old world money and his suit jacket cost more than my whole wardrobe, it was obvious he knew what he was talking about and I didn’t.

  4. I was not as open-minded as I said I was because I thought he was an “evil white oppressor”.

  5. He asked what I did for a living. When I told him I was a claims analyst with a well respected accounting firm, he said that I must have gotten my job through workfare.

Now, how much of that bullshit do you think I could take before I got medieval on his ass? I told him he was nothing but a stereotyping idiot, that the smell of all his old money was rotting his brain and making him more feebleminded than the immigrant, crackhead Brooklynites and that his suit jacket may be worth more than my whole wardrobe, but he was sitting next to me in a pink shirt and shiny-assed pants so it was not money well spent.

The crack about his pink shirt and shiny pants really bothered him. In fact it was after I said this that he claimed he was just trying to piss me off on purpose. “Well, you did a bang-up job, you stereotyping idiot.”

That’s why your shiny panted, pink shirted ass was fired from ABC and now you’re commuting from Glorious Manhattan to Hicksville, you putz. (No, I didn’t tell him that. I don’t think he realized I knew who he was.)

2

Biggirl, you are now my new hero! Hooray for you for telling that asshole where to go. I’ve seen a picture of you from a dopefest and I could totally picture the scene in my head. You deserve to be on TV way more than he does! In fact, when I rule the universe you get your own one hour weekly show (you choose the format).

3

Man, that is one HELL of a commute.

And kudos for telling the asshole off.

4

And I thought the Seven Mile Bridge on the way to Key West was long.

5

Are you guys pulling my leg, or do you really not know about Jamaica, Queens?
Somebody’s being whooshed. I could very well be me.

6

Good on ya for telling that jackass off, Biggirl!

You get a gold star for fighting ignorance. I hope you put a real crimp in his day.

Zap!

7

Assuming from your comment, Biggirl, Jamaica is a neighborhood(?) in the borough of Queens?

As in, no, most people who aren’t from NY probably didn’t know that the Jamaica you were referring to isn’t the island.

8

Heh, who else could you be?

9

I could very well be the Queen of Sheba!

You don’t know about my schizophrenia, you don’t know about the Jamaica trainstation in Queens. . … The people of this board are going to have to pay more attention to me and my life. Sheesh!

10

I know all about your Jamaica trainstations in Queens. Don’t know Chauncey Howell, but that’s probably because I find the vast majority of the local newsreaders incompetent, and it pains me to watch the programs any longer than to find out the five-day weather forecast (morning only).

11

Hey Biggirl - I know some people at News 12 LI. I’m running a sponsorship for one of my clients there. Say the word and I’ll e-mail them this thread.

12

I sent you an e-mail THespos. . . or was it the Queen of Sheba?

13

So Thurston and Lovey finally made it off the island and reproduced? What else would you expect from that union?

14

Demise wrote

Really? I dont think so, but then again I am a geography buff and read atlas’s for fun!
I have been to manhattan - Illinois
and Hollywood - Florida
and Hell - Michigan

15

Wow, when I saw the title of this thread I said to myself: “Chaunceu Howell, I wonder what happened to that old so-and-so.” (Actually so-and-so isn’t the term I used to myself.)

I didn’t realize that News 12 LI had a staff position for pretentious fuck. Fortunately, he appears to be eminently qualified for the job.

What I didn’t realize, Biggirl, was that being from Brooklyn, you were a welfare-using, crackhead immigrant. I know that Ukulele Ike fellow is, and don’t get me started on delphica or vix, but I thought you were a honest-to-goodness, red-blooded American, born-right-here welfare-using crackhead. And what are you doing taking those good workfare jobs from deserving Manhattan welfare-using, crackhead immigrants.

16

Well I’m not from NYC, but I knew that Jamaica was a neighborhood in NYC (though I didn’t know it was in Queens)…

Good for you, Biggirl, for calling this idiot on his assininity!

17

If anything comes of this – if there’s a reply to THespos’s email from this blow-dried TelePrompTer-reading John Bircher’s employer – I would very much like to be kept informed.

Biggirl, you rock.

18

Another entry in my “Why Biggirl Rocks like Sheer Beautiful Fury” book. Keep on going like this , Mrs, and I shall need to buy a new book.

Did he really say all that? Could one person be that much of a knobbo in one conversation? I guess so. What an idjit.

19

Maybe, but maybe it’s me, or both of us, or something.

I had no idea that Jamaica was a borough in New York when I posted the commute joke. I had read your “got on in Jamaica” to imply that Chauncey was saying something along the lines of “Well, they may not be from Brooklyn - but they’re all damned Jamaican imigrants” - which would fit with him being racist.
-Beeblebrox
Marquis de Confusion Unintentionalle

20

I thought you meant Jamaica Beach on Galveston Island.

Not really. I just assumed from the context clues that there was an area known as Jamaica somewhere on the route.