Fuck New York, Fuck New Yorkers, and Fuck the Subway Series!!!!!!

I just got back from a business trip to New York and boy, am I glad to be home. I don’t live in the greatest city in America either, but the worst part of the city where I live is 1000 times better than the best part of New York!

I’m not here to rip on the Yankees or the Mets. They are great teams and deserve the success that they have achieved. It’s just a shame that neither team has moved out of New York. All I heard on the radio up there are all these moronic New York assholes bragging and boasting about the Series. The fact that either of these teams has brought one single ounce of joy to the hearts of any of these scumbags makes me sick to my stomach.

New Yorkers are obnoxious, arrogant, loud, pushy, backstabbing, smelly, greasy and live like animals. My question is how does anything get done here? I was in New Yawk for 2 days and spent 6 hours and 20 minutes in traffic jams. Woo-hoo! Fun, fun FUN!!!

While in Queens I made a wrong turn, God Forbid, and got lost for ninety minutes. This is because New York is not a planned city- it is 7 million scumbags piled on top of each other like sardines with cockroaches as pets. So how the hell do you figure out how to get around?

And, horror of horrors, since I don’t live in New York, I was lost in this Queens hellhole, and if I didn’t make a left turn fast enough, I had to put up with these impatient motherfuckers in their Camaros honkIng their stupid horns at me.

I figured out why New Yorkers honk their horns at each other- they cannot complete sentances, and therefore this is the only way they know to communicate.

To make matters worse, to get in or out of New Yawk, you have to drive through Northern New Jersey, where at Exit 8 on the Turnpike you are greeted with a pleasant combination of smells, pollution and psychopathic drivers. And, crime that it is, make one wrong turn in New Jersey, and you have to spend the next three hours navigating fucking jughandles to go four miles.

There has been a lot of concern about terrorists in New York during the Series. If there are any Islamic terrorists reading this save your dynamite. Most likely these idiot Yankee and Met fans will riot and engage in a civil war and end up burning this piece of shit city to the ground.

Good riddance I say.

The Yankees and the Mets are great. Unfortunately New York, New Yorkers, and anyone that lives within 50 miles of New York can go rot in hell.

Oh, sorry, they already live there.

OK, so the “Teemings sucks ass” thead got off the first page. Big fucking deal.

Did you really have to start ANOTHER troll thread?

New York is a planned city, btw.

And a hearty “fuck you, dipshit” from this native New Yorker.

New Yorkers are nice. I find the vast; vast majority of them will hold doors for you, give you directions, tell you which subway to take, smile at you, say please and thank you, and be generally good natured.

And then there’s the wonderful variety of music in the subways.

I’ve been to lots of places, and I’ve NEVER met people as nice as I have in New York.

I’m now going to quote the great George Carlin, who explains precisely why sissy crybaby little farm boys like yourself can’t handle the Big City:

{waves gaily}

We enjoyed having you!

Have you checked your wallet yet? You’ll find your credit cards are missing! Thank you for dinner and the new entertainment center!

There are so many great things about New York that to list them all would take up way too much bandwidth (driving ain’t one of 'em), so I’ll just list my favorite:

Little Italy

It still feels like a neighborhood, y’know? I wish I could transplant LI to Minneapolis. Of course, then I’d weigh 672 lbs by Christmas.

So I was driving around in Queens, styling in my red Camero, when some slackjaw yokel was doing 3 miles an hour in the fast lane. He had a map unrolled on the dashboard and was picking his nose while crying for his mommy.

Then you could play the best damn Santa Claus anybody has ever seen!


Why were you trying to drive a car in NYC?


p.s. Exit 8 isn’t in northern Jersey.

Yo! Biggirl! You checked down in your foyer yet?

There’s a new La-Z-Boy recliner for Houseman (lime-green), a Selmer baritone saxophone, a case of Sylvania 100-watt bulbs and one of Veuve Cliquot champagne, a futon, the new Brittany Spears CD, and thirty pounds of ripe Camembert!

Don’t thank me, thank theuglytruth! Hope he comes back to our lovely town soon!

Troll thread? I though this was the BBQ pit! Isn’t this where I vent my spleen?

It’s not like I went to General Questions with this or anything.

Funny, that was the reaction I got today from a NYC cab driver when I refused to “Block the Box” and pay a $350 fine!

By the way, nice to see that you are disproving the rude New Yorker sterotype by calling me a “dipshit”.

In agree. Put four or five Martinis in the average New Yorker and they will be the friendliest paople in the world.

Meanwhile, their cousins Vinnie and Guido will be in the back of the restaurant sharpening the knives and unrolling the carpet, if you know what I mean.

Well, only if you like rap music.

What places? Attica, Folsom and San Quentin?

*Originally posted by friedo *
**I’m now going to quote the great George Carlin, who explains precisely why sissy crybaby little farm boys like yourself can’t handle the Big City:

Actually I was in New York for 2 days, not just nine minutes. How do you propose I get ANYWHERE in New York City in nine minutes?

And if “where the action is” is sitting in a traffic jam for two and a half hours, then George Carlin is fucked in the head.

Mayor Giuliani checking in on the Straight Dope Message Board, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Why don’t you describe the car I was driving, honey? I mean, since you were there.

  1. Hold on. Let me get my Rand McNally here . . . Exit 8 is 16 miles south of New Brunswick. Close enough.

See, Northern Jersey smells SOOOOO bad that you can smell it all the way down there!

  1. I was just joining the other millions of New York Morons trying to commute on New York’s wonderul, well maintenenced highways.

Oh, I’m sorry, that’s right. You have to take mass transit to get around New York. Gee, what a great city, where it is so fucked up you can’t even drive a car around.

I’ve got it all wrong! New York is SUCH a wonderful place to live!

And a hearty Fuck You to you.

If you can’t handle the city, that’s your problem, not ours.

It’s jerks like you that are afraid to drive inside city limits but try to anyway that CAUSE all the traffic - and then you have the nerve to bitch about it.

The only time I’ve found New Yorkers to be, in your own words, obnoxious, arrogant, loud, and pushy is when some yokel who’s never seen anything taller than a three story building hogs up the sidewalk gawking at the sites.

Let me give you a hint for the next time you have to visit this big, bad “unplanned” city (with the numbered streets and avenues :rolleyes:). When the numbers get bigger you’re heading uptown (north). When the numbers get smaller you’re heading downtown (south). We’ll talk about the Avenues next time - don’t want you to get too confused.

As far as the riots you predict - I didn’t notice riots in 1977, 1978, 1986, 1996, 1998, or 1999 (and that’s just the Baseball championships) unless I’m really unobservant.

New Yorkers nice, helpful, generally polite, tolerant, and generous - unless the situation warrents us to be otherwise.

I’ve heard that New Yorkers develop an instinct at identifying assholes within seconds an avoiding expending any energy to be polite to them. I think we have definite anecdotal evidence of that here.

*Originally posted by theuglytruth *

Why don’t you describe the car I was driving, honey? I mean, since you were there.



Hmm… that oughta be enough. Nah, she might still misinterpret Biggirl’s comments.

I feel better now. :cool:

Say, guys - I’ve been living in NY for two and a half months (not including three years as a young child), and I love it here. Can I call myself a New Yorker? Can I tell the OPer to go fuck himself?

*Originally posted by theuglytruth *

Am I to gather the rest of the description was spot on?

Go for it! Give 'em your best shot :slight_smile:
I’m so glad you love New York. It’s the greatest isn’t it?

theuglytruth = John Rocker’s gimpy little brother. Around the house, they refer to John as “the smart one.”

It’s really simple.

New York has the usual problems as any large city, though considering how large it is, its problems are not as bad as they could be.

It also has tons of benefits which cannot be found anywhere else, and I dare anyone to show me cities which approximate the many things one can do in Manhattan at 4AM compared to most places on Saturday at noon.

In any event, show me a perfect place to live, the anti-New York according to your diatribe, and I’m sure I can find a hundred things which New York betters this place in.

You don’t like the city? Fine! I don’t recall inviting you. Don’t go back. I don’t think you’ll be missed… There are seven million or so others who will get along just fine without you!

Oh, and whether or not you approve of the Subway Series, it is happening, and one way or another, New York is having a parade. Not your city.

Yer pal,

Six months, one week, four days, 2 hours, 14 minutes and 55 seconds.
7763 cigarettes not smoked, saving $970.47.
Extra time with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 5 days, 22 hours, 55 minutes.

I slept with a REPUBLICAN moderator!*

I’m sure one cab driver is an excellent representation of the eight million people who live there. By the way, I’ve never been yelled at by a cab driver. But I have seen assholes such as yourself be yelled at, because they were being ASSHOLES.

I appreciate the ethnic stereotypes, I really really do. Shows how stupid and closed minded you are. Incidentally, thanks to our glorious Mayor and former prosecutor the Hon. Rudy Guiliani, the mafia in New York is pretty much non-existent now. I’m sure you’ve grown to appreciate it. I’m sure you’ve been there to witness all the improvements that have been made.

Did you ever try to take the subway? I’ve never once heard rappers down there. I have heard jazz, old fashioned rock, swing music, violin music, steel drums, suitars, and a dude beating the hell out of a pair of garbage cans making some of the most beautiful rhythm music I’d ever heard. Have you been to the Grand Central side of the shuttle? Every once in a while there’s this incredibally beautiful girl there who plays saxaphone music that makes me want to cry.

Well, in my short life, I’ve been to Los Angelos, San Francisco, Denver, Chicago, Miami, Orlando, Alberquerqie(sp?), Trenton, Ithaca, Toronto, London, Paris (you think you’ve seen bad drivers in New York…), Washington, DC, and all over New England. Don’t get me started on how much the people in Rochester suck (except for the folks a the Rochester dopefest. They’re my friends. Do you have friends?)

Originally fucked up the ass by theuglytruth

Nine minutes? I can get from 125th St. to Houston in nine minutes. Ever try the subway? They’re neat. I wonder how long it takes to drive 125 blocks up eighth avenue. I’ll ask again why the fuck you were trying to drive in (I assume) Manhatten. Take the subway. it only costs a buck and a half, there’s no traffic, and you don’t need to tip.

I challenge you to design a city in the space of ten square miles (Manhatten) that’s going to hold millions of people WITHOUT putting in mass transit. And yes, you do have it all wrong. New York is a great place to live if you’re not a fucking sissy.

I wonder if theuglytruth is going to come in with one of his “hey guys, thanks for taking the bate!” lines again.

Fuck this. I’m going to watch Conan O’Brien. Hmmm…I wonder where they broadcast that from…could it be…NEW YORK!!!

And regarding the subway series, is it a problem that a city would like to celebrate the fact that they have BOTH of the two best teams in baseball? It’s like a civil war; you can’t lose.