In this thread about why France is so despised, anytime anyone brings up the rudeness of Parisians, someone tells them “You want to see rude, go to New York City!” Now, why this absolves French rudeness is beyond me, but the thing that really has me perplexed is that it’s assumed that it’s common knowledge that New Yorkers are incredibly rude, when in my experience that’s not true at all.
I’ve been to NYC many times and I lived for several months in Woodstock, NY back in 2004. I’ve known many New Yorkers, and they’ve all been wonderful people, and while straightforward, they are far from rude. I’ve found that if you want directions in NYC, people are happy to help you – just don’t be a dick and stop the guy who’s running to catch a cab with a bagel in one hand and a coffee in the other and a briefcase under his arm. He probably will snap at you. I never did anything more than use common courtesy and I was treated very kindly. In fact, the New Yorkers would ask me about myself when they heard my accent, and talk to me for awhile. Compared to the treatment I’ve received in some places (in CT, one project sponsor asked my Americorps teamleader not to bring me back to a worksite, because my accent “made her uncomfortable”) I felt like a queen.
Because of that, I’m always befuddled by how everyone takes the ‘Rude New Yorkers’ for granted. I’m not sure where they were hiding when I visited Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens.
But seriously. . . I think it’s the rushing and the straightfowardness. Plus the unwillingness to suffer fools gladly. Like the scene in Crocodile Dundee when he stands in the middle of a crowded street in Manhattan and tries to say “Good day” to everyone who passes. If I remember correctly, he had to climb a light pole to get out of the way of the mad crush. It seemed like the whole crowd was thinking, “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”
Mostly I think it’s the suffer fools gladly part. Most places if you break the social norms, people will grin and bear it for politeness sake. In New York there will always be someone there to tell you, 'You’ve got to be fucking kidding me."
I’m from New England and when I first moved to the south, I was considered a snob or rude because I talked fast and with more clipped speech.
For example, when I was at school in New Hampshire - you would walk down the hall and say a short “hi” to everyone. Nothing to interrupt their flow, just to be nice and acknowledge them.
But in South Carolina, it was often “hey” - which any good Southerner can infuse with multiple syllables and hundreds of meanings - “heeeeeeeyyyyy”
It’s different interpretations of social graces, at least in my opinion. I too find that people in both climates are equally friendly and willing to help, but just in different ways and express it differently.
And also, when people say “New Yorker” they tend to mean the downtowner vs. the Buffalo/Schenectady/Groton groups . . . which is kinda funny because NYC is such a small geographic portion of the whole state.
Anyway, I get annoyed when people here in the Carolinas try to excuse rude behaviour as “she’s from New York.” Something that happened to me when I was offended by my then-boss was brushed off by HR as “she’s from NY.”
No, she was rude. And that wasn’t appropriate. And as someone with relatives from NY, that’s not acceptable to me.
She got spoken to after that and realized that at least one person in the office wasn’t giving her a geographic pass for misbehavior anymore.
Couldn’t agree more with the OP. Okay, you’re going to get a bitch serving you at Duane Reede and an asshole at the door of Bungalow 8, but for the most part, New Yorkers don’t deserve a rep for being rude. Even the cat calls tend to be on the non-threatening side (I’m talking ‘Ma’am, you’re gorgeous’ while walking by, not creepy subway flashers or anything). There are also plenty of college students and people who are new to the city who are ridiculously social and ready to lend a hand. I’ve made friends in London and I’ve made friends in New York, and it was much easier in New York (though maybe that’s an American thing, starting up a conversation in the bathroom and spending all week together). I suppose some of the friendly yelling between street workers, cops, shopkeeps, etc. could come off as caustic to newcomers, though.
I’ve also met plenty of truly friendly and helpful Parisians (including waiters!)
In college (in my home city, which was not NYC), many of the NYC natives I encountered were the type who have to continually go on about how nothing meets their standards because whatever it was, you can only get Real Thing[sup]TM[/sup] in The City.
The one that really stuck in my mind was the complaint about how provincial we were because the city newspaper didn’t have a section devoted just to New York.
Personally, I think NY is a quaint little place, but nothing to get excited over. But then, I live in a real city
Seriously. I went to New York this summer and loved it. I didn’t encounter a single rude asshole. Like others have said, you just need to see when someone is busy or running late and not bug them (which is rude on your part). I even got in a conversation with a random Brooklyn girl when we were both waiting for a subway (down in the hot, stuffy air) about her job working street fairs at a falafel cart.
I try to re-earn this rep every day, but there are too few of us truly rude NYers left. I blame it on the Democrats, as rudeness abounds down around Wall Street, but it’s gone by the time you get to City Hall (well, at least post-Guiliani).
I agree, too, and get pissed when people say New Yorkers are rude, even though I live waaaaaay upstate. They’re brusque, and don’t have time to waste, so if you’re dragging your feet, they get annoyed, but generally they are very polite people. They’re also direct - the reason we don’t have a “bless your heart” type of thing is we’ll tell you straight to your face, and not hide it behind pretty words, most of the time.
It’s just got a rep now, stained by lots of people who come to the City and say to the guy with the bagel and the briefcase…“Um…which was is the um, what was it called, the um, big building, with the pictures all in it, hey where are you going? God New Yorkers are rude.”
Every day on my way to or from work, I encounter some act of rudeness. Some ‘‘C’mon, buddy!’’ or ‘‘Fuck you!’’ or, ‘‘Get out of the WAY, people!’’ Every day, at least once.
Every day on my way to or from work, I encounter about 10 acts of obvious politeness, whether it’s holding the door or saying excuse me or giving a friendly smile. My guess is the perception of people here being rude is just confirmation bias–people see the one rude guy and don’t stop and think about all the polite ones they just saw.
Before I moved here, I was terrified of New Yorkers and their reputation for rudeness. But the vibe here is much more my own state of mind than where I grew up in the Midwest. Be polite, be direct, do not waste others’ time and you’re golden. I can get on the subway and not worry that someone’s going to try to have a conversation with me, but I also have the comfort of knowing if I fall flat on my face someone’s going to be there to help me to my feet. I’m very comfortable here because to me, that strikes the perfect balance between being able to live a private life and fulfilling social obligations.
My experience as a tourist in New York mirrors what a lot of other people have said - New Yorkers are really nice! They’re all really proud of their city and just dying to show it to you. The only thing about asking for directions on, like, the subway, is that you immediately get six people arguing about the best route.
Ther’s a level of directness that other civic cultures don’t necessarily share. As a Washingtonian, I believe that we are as rude as New Yorkers, if not more so, but we are more passive-aggressive about it. In Washington, if a tourist is gumming up the commute, we will gather behind him and sigh and grumble. In New York, people will just push on past.
There’s also the “ignore everything and keep your eyes forward” thing that may feel rude to someone looking around for help. Not showing weakness or interest is not actively rude but may seem closed off to someone looking.
Having spent considerable time in Paris, NYC, and LA, I can say in my opinion LA is by far the rudest of the three. When I lived in LA I worked with two transplanted New Yorkers and they were both shocked by how impolite Angelenos were. I always got the sense that in LA some people got a sense of self-importance by being rude.
And Paris is OK…so long as you know how to speak French very well. When my ex-wife and I spoke English to each other you could see “that look,” which vanished if she switched to French. She grew up there and obviously had the accent down.
Can I just state for the record that it drives me BONKERS when posters reference their location, and I look in the “location” field in their post, and it’s blank?
This has been my experience too. I love the city and have found that people here don’t stop and say hello in the morning but if you needed help for any reason they would be right there to lend a hand.
