As I was leaving a 4th of July party, I knocked over a glass of water with my bag. I didn’t realize and continued for the door.
A guy taps me on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, you knocked over some water.”
“Oh! I didn’t realize! Let me get a—“ I was interrupted as this guy continued with a little speech.
“Normally, what you want to do in situations like this is get a rag and get down on the floor and clean up your mess. Normally, people try not to be rude in situations like this.”
I snapped back at him, not really even thinking about it. “And normally, you don’t have to be such a condescending fuck when a stranger makes a mistake.”
“I wasn’t being condescending.”
”Oh, I beg to differ.”
I was ready to go ten rounds, but my boyfriend jumped in with paper towels to clean up my mess and his friends pulled him out of my sight.
It dawned on me that I would never have started a fight with a complete stranger before moving to the city four years ago. I would have blushed, meekly apologized and cleaned up my spill.
My question: Do you find yourself reacting to situations more aggressively since moving to New York City? Or even any large city?
By the way, I talked to my friend who was throwing the party later, mostly to apologize for snapping at one of her guests and creating a scene. Apparently this guy had been rude to almost everyone there.
Californian here, who moved to NYC and now live just outside in Westchester - going on 10 years now (jeez, that long?)
Anyway, going back to California, I get the constant stream of “man, aren’t New Yorkers obnoxious?” question-statements from folks. After thinking about it a bit, what I find is that New Yorkers are NOT obnoxious - but they expect you to be decisive and quick.
For instance, with driving - in my experience, NY drivers aren’t crazy - near as I can tell that is a Boston requirement - Boston drivers are nuts! In NYC, they drive very fast and expect you to get on with it - if you want to merge, well then, get on with it!!! If you are going to turn, then turn!! Once you get into the rhythm of it and if you are willing to act decisively, you do just fine. If you freak out or hesitate, THEN you get the sarcastic statements.
Kind of like performing - if you can’t win the audience over, they will pummel you - but they typically DO give you chance to win them over…
Your guy in this story sounds like a dick and your response sounds entirely reasonable - it doesn’t sound like a NY thing to me…
Yes. It was when I found myself picking up the change a counterperson let drop and forcefully putting it back in her hand that I realized I needed to move away. I’m lucky I didn’t get jacked up during the final month or so.
You tawking to me? *You * tawking to me? You tawking to me?
This from a formerly shy, quiet boy from Mississippi.
Just last night, after this young hootchie, forced herself into my pathway, after I made it clear I was moving over to give her leeway to get by, I said, “What’s your hurry, bitch, there’ll be some crack left when you get there. And the dealer will still let you earn the five dollars”* Grrrrrr!
Not only did she have to walk diagonally to cross my path, but pushed me and said, “Get the f*ck out of my way.”
I was born here and am aggressive even by NYC standards.
New Yorkers do have a reputation for being rude. I don’t think we are. Well, not without reason. It’s like WordMan said only I’d take it a small step further-- we do not suffer fools gladly and will answer kind in kind. Also, we are opinionated and not afraid to let others know it.
All the above is the worst kind of generalization and probably not true in most cases.
Well said, **Biggirl ** - let me just add that to this day, if I stop anyone in NYC to ask for help - directions, a recommendation for a restaurant or music nearby, etc. - they have never been anything but extremely helpful. You know how the Spiderman movies always go out of their way to show a scene where the citizens try to help Spidey and stick up for themselves? There is an obvious pride NY’ers have about their town, and if you ask them a reasonable question, they practically want to take you on a tour. Very cool.
So again - there is a lot of pride and a lot of “this is MY universe you’re steppin’ into here, so play by my rules” as a mindset, but easy to deal with if you go with the flow…
The first time I was ever in New York, my buddy immediately took me to a Papaya Dog, and while we were in line, this one dude bumped into another dude, and the bumper kind of mumbled something, and the bumpee says really loudly, “I THINK the word you’re lookin’ for is ‘excuse me’”.
Then, I was still trying to take everything in and I get to the counter and the guy looks at me. I start looking at the hot dog choices for like one second, and he goes, “NEXT!”
He took the guy’s order behind me, then looked at me again and I just fired off, “two dogs. mustard. relish. and a medium root beer”.
When I go to New York now, I sort of feel a switch flip. I do feel edgier, more aggressive (but in a good way). I really enjoy it. I wish my wife did more. You really feel like you’ll get eaten up if you don’t have a little aggression.
The switch flips for me when I get off the LIRR in the morning and again when I board the train to go home.
The sad fact is, if you’re regularly in NYC and you let aggressive people have their way with you, they’ll sense it and people will walk all over you. Literally.
Try walking five blocks down a busy Manhattan avenue with your shoulders hunched, staring at the ground. People will walk AT you, and expect you to get out of their way. Walk the next five blocks with your eyes leveled at the people coming at you, with confidence and a little spring in your step. People will get out of YOUR way.
I swear this city’s denizens have a way of sensing weakness and exploiting it.
New Yorkers are not rude; it just takes understanding what mode they are in.
A New Yorker in fast walk mode should never be stopped or delayed with questions. They are telegraphing very obviously, “They are in a Hurry”. It should be readable by anyone. Meanwhile, many people on the streets or in the Subways are not in hurry mode and are more helpful with answer questions or just volunteering an opinion than any other group of people I have run into.
A New Yorker will also give great directions most of the time including visible landmarks and cross streets or which train is likely to get you somewhere quicker.
Try getting a cross street from most people, it won’t happen, they might not even know what you are talking about.
Are New Yorkers more aggressive? I think so, but that is only because they are not passive aggressive, they are up front about. They don’t want to waste the time being passive aggressive.
Just a note: New Yorkers expect people to get on and off subways, elevators and escalators with crispness. No stopping to decide which way to go until after you have moved a few steps out of the way. No blocking escalators for those that wish to walk up or down them. Keep to a side or expect dirty looks and or “rude” comments.
I have to agree with my fellow New Yorkers - quick and decisive, “Just do it already!” is the key to New York living. It’s why I can’t ever picture myself living anywhere else; the slower pace of life would drive me mad with impatience.
Been here two years. I’ve gotten meaner, no doubt about it.
Part of it is my getting older–my growing unwillingness to be a “nice little blonde girl” these days. But I think part of it is NY. Sometimes I feel like it’s EATING my SOUL. I’m returning to Chicago in December, hope the damage is reversible!
I’m clearly living in the wrong city. I’ve gotten to the point where I just throw my hands up and scream out, “are you fucking kidding me!?” when encountering escalator-standers, train door blockers, etc.
Right now, I’m just New York-ish. The face punching comes later.