Not sure where this should go, but it’s mundane and pointless, so I thought I’d try here first. If the mods determine that it goes better in Cafe Society or The Game Room, let it go there.
Anyway, my local sports bar has a number of regulars (me among them) who don’t care for hockey games between teams we don’t care about (say, Phoenix vs. Nashville, or Anaheim vs. Washington). Since we’re Canadian, and hockey is Canada’s game, and Canada’s sports TV networks believe that we’re cannot survive without two hockey games a day (three a day on weekends), then we should be glued to such matches, being as how they’re hockey. But we’re not. The offerings at the sports bar between American teams don’t thrill us. Because we’re not that starved for hockey between teams that are not based in our country, thus between teams we don’t care about.
Anyway. A few Sundays ago, the poor barman was trying to find us something on TV that would keep us from complaining about the overabundance of American teams playing hockey on TV. NFL football on one TV behind the bar, we didn’t mind; but “Can you get us something other than US hockey on another?” He scanned through the offerings, which we could see on the screens. Basketball? No. Soccer? No. Tennis? Hell, no. Then, we spotted a Sylvester Stallone picture: “Over the Top,” about arm wrestling. Given that everything else consisted of sports we didn’t care about (and hockey between American teams), we asked the barman to show us the Stallone movie.
We had a blast! The movie’s sound was off (some game was taking precedence), so we filled in the dialogue ourselves. Not the real dialogue, of course; none of us knew that. So we made up stuff; the sillier the better.
Since then, “Cheap and Cheesy Action Movie Night” at the sports bar is quickly becoming a tradition. It’s on Sunday nights, when the sports bar is not very well attended, and the bar will do anything to draw in customers. The barman finds us something suitable, and we supply commentary, dialogue, and laugh our butts off doing so. Last week was “Delta Force,” with Chuck Norris, and tonight was “Delta Force 2,” again with Chuck Norris. As always, no sound, but plenty of laughs with our improvised dialogue:
“I hear a baby cry, but I do not hear the sound of coca leaves being picked. Pick faster and louder!”
“General, I know your image includes a steely stare while you chomp on a cigar, but you can’t evacuate in that helicopter with a lit cigar, even though it’s under attack! It’s a non-smoking helicopter!”
And so on. Good times, and just what I need to finish my weekend.