Cheating in relationships

It seems I’ve read several threads since I’ve been here, where someone is compaining that his or her SO is cheating on him/her. There seems to be quite a bit of cheating on Six Feet Under, which I watch.

I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend. (That’s not saying much, since I haven’t actually had many relationships.) I’ve always been the ‘cheat-ee’. Since I know how it feels, I can’t imagine myself cheating on a girlfriend. No, really; I can’t.

I’m just a hopeless Romantic, I guess.

Um, are you asking us for our opinions on cheating, or just making a declaration? :smiley:

If it makes you feel less lonely, I’ve never cheated, either.

I’ve never actually cheated on a girlfriend but I was seeing a girl for eight months and developed a huge crush on one of her girlfriends…no that’s too mild…really, I started to fall in love with her friend. Tragic story, bad thing to do but I made my choice and broke up with my girlfriend. Felt like I cheated on her, but I never actually did.

Yeah, must be a poll of some kind.

Nope. Never cheated. Not a hopeless romantic, just not a selfish bastard devoid of self-respect. Not to be judgemental or anything.

Never cheated on anyone, but I’ve been the cheat-ee on at least one occasion (well, several occasions, but same cheat-er). I don’t see the point. If you’re interested in other people, why tell your SO that you want a monogamous relationship? So you can have both? Wayyy too messy for me… it involves a) having to lie b) having to keep track of your lies & worst of all c) a guilty conscience. Not to mention lots of other potentially nasty consequences.

I’d much rather just TELL someone I’m interested in seeing/sleeping with other people and then spread my shit without having to worry about getting caught.

I have cheated.

I’ve been the other man.

I am a romantic.

I make no apologies.

Don’t take this personally Push, I don’t even know you. But for some of us the roles you admit to are unfathomable and to my mind abominable. Don’t get me wrong, I find it facinating that a conscience can be so different from mine–I’ve learned not to judge IRL. Really.

Would you be interested in explaining the thought process that makes it OK to a) cheat and b) be the other guy? In the friendliest possible way I guess I’m asking you: why no apologies? Why should I not think you are a “selfish bastard”?

Really, I’m curious. Because my wife has cheated on me and she insists the only regret she has is that I found out; and the other guy has no idea why I think he’s among the lowest form of human scum to disgrace the planet. What am I (and others) missing?

I’ve cheated.

But yeah, there were some extenuating circumstances. I was young, only 20, and thought I was truly, hopelessly in love, and all that.

We were in college together, and were separated for the summer. And when I say separated, I mean well and truly, since our parents were so strict we couldn’t call each other or talk to each other, let alone meet. We lived several hours apart, and my dad checked the mileage on my car daily.

Summer went on, and I found myself lonely & flirting with a guy from the summer school I went to. It was remarkably easy, we ended up in bed together 3 or 4 times, and I’ve never once regretted it.

When I look back, I realize I wasn’t in love with my guy so much as in love with love itself, which sounds trite but true. 20 is too young to be that serious about someone, IMO, and while I should have broken up with him first, I’m glad I got some more experience.

I’ve never cheated on my current SO, and we’ve been together about 8 years now.

I mean this to be as friendly and nonjudgemental a comment as you did.

While waiting for a reply you might want to look up narcissism in your search engine. I think it explains a lot (but not all).

Also there are some books about evolutionary psychology that provide some interesting perspectives. Can’t remember any of the names offhand.

Hm… narcissism? Are you referring to me for being so self-absorbed as to not be able to understand the psyche of a cheater? Or are you referring to the cheater who behaves selfishly at the expense of others?

Pardon me if I’m not so polite.

Push, please explain yourself. Until then I’ll continue to think of you as something lower than scum. Not that I expect you to care much considering your attitude.


I didn’t expect responsed to be as heated as some are.

Married 8 years.


I have never cheated. I never will.

Somethings are good as absolutes.

Always be there for your family. They will be there for you. You should do the same (I know their are exceptions to this)

When it comes to animals, defence is fine, offences are not (hunters, are excepted). In other words, don’t take your problems out on your dog.

Same with people. If you need to ‘cheat’, you need to talk.

Never point a gun at something you don’t want to shoot. Always assume a gun is loaded.

Never get under a car without good jackstands.

If you think you need gas to get somewhere, you probably do.

If you wonder if you can afford it, you probably can’t.

If you think you have had to much to drink. You have.
:corolary: If you have had a few drinks and wonder if you should suddenly ask a serious question. You shouldn’t.

Realize that some things just aren’t under your control.

Learn to laugh it off, leave it behind and pick up the pieces. Bad things happen.

Your greatest duty is to yourself. Without you, the people that love you are out of luck.

Wear sunscreen.


Cheated on my-then boyfriend in college. I was young, stupid, depressed, felt that maybe I was making a mistake in being exclusive but wasn’t sure. I’d already told him that I didn’t know if I wanted to marry him. I eventually confessed. He’d already guessed that something was up (I’m a bad liar and the guilt was weighing on me), and told me right then that he forgave me. I think that was worse than if he’d gotten mad, in that I couldn’t even point to his anger and somehow justify what I’d done, if that makes any sense - the weight of what I’d done really, fully hit me then.

We’re married these days, and have been together (dating + cohabiting + marriage) for almost 16 years. He’s my best friend, no contest, and vice versa, and coming home to him is the favorite part of my day.

I cheated on a girlfriend once*, and almost cheated on a different one. Almost. I wanted to, I was this close to doing it, but I decided against it at the last minute. In retrospect though, I wouldn’t consider them “real” relationships. If I was so willing to do it without a shred of remorse, it was a sign that the relationship was fucked up, and I should end it before it gets to deep.

Would I do it again? I highly doubt it. Causes more problems than it’s worth. Would I do it in a long-term relationship? In a marraige? I can honestly say that I wouldn’t. I know I wouldn’t, there’s no doubt in my mind.

*I was in high school. I didn’t sleep with the girl, it was only a kiss.

Married 25 years. Never cheated.

(Honesty requires an admission that I haven’t exactly been swamped with offers. Please Lord, just let me turn down one goddess before I really do get old?) :stuck_out_tongue:

I was “the other man” one time. It was absolutely one of the hardest, most emotionally painful things I’ve ever been through. Truly, horribly awful. I will never do it again.

I was accused of being a cheater once, but it only proves that there are very different definitions of cheating. I had a girlfriend of about 2.5 years and because of finances, she had to move back in with her parents, 1200 miles away, to get back on her feet. Originally, our time apart was supposed to be 6 months. That stretched into 10.

At one point, I met another girl who piqued my interest. I developped a small crush, but never even kissed the girl. This was during the time my girlfriend told me it was okay to date, but I had to tell her. In addition, she told me she may never be coming back.

I emailed friends and asked them for advice on how to act with my current girlfriend and this new crush. Eventually I decided to stick it out with my girlfriend and see what happened. Girlfriend moved home, dug through my emails, and found that I was debating on whether or not to dump her for new girl. Shit storm ensued, and all of the sudden I was a “cheater”. I never thought I would be, and in a way I still don’t believe I did. I just don’t know whether my definition of “cheat” is the one that matters, or hers is.

And a hat.

Sorry, I took this out a bit farther than I intended. I have a brother that I’m a bit concerned about right now.