Had me in stitches. I already knew what you were referring to - Washington Post story here.
Can’t forget lines like “Remind yourself that in this night you will face many challenges. But you have to face them and understand it 100 percent,” and “A believer is always plagued with problems…you will never enter paradise if you had not had a major problem.”
Someone should have said “Avoid getting into a shouting argument with a guy in the parking garage. The guy might remember you, thus speeding up the apprehension of your car by an exponential degree.”
If the James Woods’ story turns out to be something, then the advice might also have read “If you do a dry run the week before, act normal, like a normal airline passenger.”
I’d add “Remember, when the 30 passengers rise up and jump your ass, they’re just people too. Find forgiveness in your heart for these people who so cruelly foil your hard-planned hijacking project.”
And I hope this one would come in handy: “You may notice that your death is long and horrible instead of instantaneous like your fellow passengers. This is called karma, a principal from another religion that you shouldn’t worry about right now.”