Now that’s a police sketch I’d like to see.
Think the OP has sobered up yet?
Over 40 posts, and no one has yet to top the #2 post in this thread for teh funny.
lowbrass, you owe me a new keyboard.
Woah. You must go through a lot of keyboards if just that made you splutter with glee, DragonAsh.
I’d have to go with “See, I work at this bar as a lobster…”
Well crap. I Hate to be a drive by poster and ranter which is why I am responding to this thread even though I know I shouldn’t and have been putting it off as long. as I could. But it in a strange way it is really important to me. I guess part one was best explained in a post of mine many years ago, which was linked earlier in this thread, but has been rasied from the dead previously too many times, and please don’t do it again.
But the dancing thing is a really sore issue with me. It’s really hard to explain. And yeah my rants on it are pure stream of concience which are incoherent. I am a big fat ugly clumsy guy. I also happen to be a damn good dancer, much to the surprise of everyone, myself foremost. I honestly do not enjoy dancing, and I think it is a really strange way to create intimacy. I am really bad at everything to do with meeting women, except dancing.
My rant on this thread was based around an event that occured that night where I was talked into dancing by a chick I knew a while ago, and then somhow got talked into teaching ‘how to dance like that’ to a group of younger dudes. All the while demonostrating it with a random group of chicks who were acting like they were absolute experts on dancing with women, while none of them agreed on a damn thing.
So in the effort of bringing some good out of this. I will give the tips of me, the worlds ugliest guy, for guys, on purposeful dancing with women.
- Just remember when you are trying to impress a chick, or dancing to get laid, she really wants to dance with Antonio Banderas, not great-unlce Ernie
1A. Never take too seriously the advice from women, on dancing with women.
1Aa. Most women really don’t have a clue how to dance either, If your attempts to lead are ignored it’s not your fault, they just don’t know how to follow.
1B This advice is NOT applicable for dancing at a wedding with Gramma Sara, or niece Brittany.
1C. This advice works mainly for making a point with the chick that you mean it. Use it only when that is you intention.
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When you have decided to that you are going to dance with meaning, make sure you are going to follow it through, wussing out halfway just goes nowhere excpet to make to feel like an ass.
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Do the best you can to make sure it is good music. ie. If you have to, tip the band generously to play what you want before hand. Also make sure you get a good enough head start to get her in position before the music starts.
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Getting her in position: your left hand really isn’t that important in a close dance you will be leading her with your body,
4A. Hold her right hand firmly,but not roughly in your left hand. Then put your hand around her waist(grabbing ass is just not smooth), your arm should feel her left pelvis bone. And your hand should wrap around the right hip with pressure, but not forcing), Then pull her toward you like you mean it. ( Like I said, this is a dance with a purpose, if your lack confidence in her willingness, than don’t do it). (If you miss and hold to high on her lower back, then you will screw up any back arching, or eventual Dip). Then, push your right thigh outward and pull her toward you firmly so that your thigh is between her legs, but mostly your right outer thigh should be against her left inner thigh(don’t try to rub her offon your leg or anything, but your thigh should be in the place that it theoretically could be done ;).
4Aa. Do your best to get an intimate, but not uncomfortable, pressure between your legs and pelvis. At that point she should let you know how you are doing. If she puts her hand on your shoulder, and leans in, you are good. If she puts her hand on your shoulder, and pulls against you, she wan’t you to hold her tighter. If she brushes your shoulder , or re adjusts her left hip outward, then you are holding too tight and you should loosen her waist a bit. If she put her hand on your chest and pushes away, or pulls away, then she doesn’t want to dance that way, and you misread. Just swallow your pride and politely go to a gramma dance. Some chicks don’t lean in to you when it’s okay. They arch their back and get in a ‘good-posture-ready-to-dance’ pose. That one is easy to mistake for the ‘pulling away’ and might make you panic, but if she has her hand behindyour shoulder, and is smiling, the you are okay.
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It really is easier to dance that way. With her pulled that close, each of your centers of gravity, as well as the combined center of gravity is pretty much the same place. Just move like you mean it, and her natural reaction will be the same direction comfortably. She can’t fight you for the lead, unless she weighs more than you, but normally you will move together like one body naturally.
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If she wants to spin, she will move her left hand from in back of your shoulder to the front. So just catch both of your balance for a fraction of a second, then step slightly into her to create the momentum, amd she will spin, Never lose contact with your left hand, and when she steps towards you again, be prepared to catch her waist and pull her back into the the contact she had before.
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If she taps your shoulder while you are going backwards, that means your heading toward somthing like another couple, and a wall. Just quickly roll out of that heading, and go back the other direction.
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There are dozens of other signals that never are consistent. Basically while close dancing you are leading cause you control the center of gravity. Other than that is all signals, mostly hers, and unless you have really trained with her, you will never know. Just fake it. And unless you are Richard Simmons, a guy doing a hand overhead spin is just ackward, but if your hands are not touching and she is doing something you ar not sure of, just make a turn(an inplace 360, but manly, noty dainty), and if she isn’t done by the time you get around, just do a reverse turn.
8a. If she puts both hands on top of your shoulders, she is planning on some sort of jump, and hold. Just squat lower. Assist her upward, then catch whatever you can to support her, the do a couple turns around, and lower her to the ground before pulling her back to the tight position.
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And finally there is the end of song dip , which is expected in that kind of dancing. Hopefully you do know the song, and are ready for it, If you have the good firm right hand waist grip then you can easily support her with that, plus your leg pushed out as a support. If you are a smaller guy, or she is a bigger chick, you can counter balance by leaning away yourself, as long as your feet are under you.
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Don’t get embarassed if you popping a little wood. It’s expected. It’s basically foreplay. If having a hot chick pulled up against your body doesn’t turn you on, then you are gay, and dancing to try to get laid by a chick doesn’t make much sence.
So, know everybody can tell me all the ways in which I am a shitty dancer, However as I said. This is dancing to impress a chick when you want to get laid. If you try this on a first date, or first meeting, you will get slapped, unless you actually are Antonio Banderas.
User name/post synchronicity.
Zoidberg, is that you?
wolfman, do you have that post available in MS Project format, or as some kind of flow chart?
This, my friends, is a fine, fine piece of advice. Don’t actually rub her off, but give her the opportunity if she wants to. You really can’t argue with that.
:eek:
It’s been some years since I’ve gone dancing at a bar or club. But I must say, I don’t recall hand overhead spins, manly inplace 360s, or jumps being much of a factor. Is there a chance that you might be taking this all a bit too seriously? I’m guessing that if you could manage to relax a bit, the “chicks” you encounter might begin to seem a little less “fucking insane.”
Unfortunately, Homer, there’s hardly a woman alive who knows how to mambo.
[sigh]
Dang. I thought it meant she was going to kiss me. 
Maybe he’s seen Dirty Dancing and Saturday Night Fever a few too many times.