[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
To those who don’t like being called “Sir” or “Ma’am,” how would they prefer that strangers get their attention (as in “____? ! Your backpack is open!" or "? Could you show me these vacuum cleaner attachments, please?”
[/QUOTE]
Most of the time I would prefer strangers to not address me at all. (I’m a bit of a grump, I don’t like people that well.) 
If it is a total stranger that would have no way of knowing my name, sir would be fine.
[QUOTE=An Arky]
A sullen, gum-smacking “yeah” was not on. It still shouldn’t be, IMHO. Didn’t have it beaten into me, it was just what you did.
[/QUOTE]
This is what I really like. I like questions to be answered politely. “Yeah” is a word my parents constantly yelled at me for using, or the Hindi equivalant anyway. My SO answers questions with “What” and to be honest I really hate it. I was always raised to answer questions respectfully, in Hindi, and even now in English, I’ll always say “Yes?” or something politer than “Huh” or “What”.
As for sir/ma’am, I was raised in the North but in an Indian family. So all of the Indian families were “Auntie” and “Uncle” and if you needed to differentiate you used the name, so it would be “Anita Auntie” or whatever. It really weirded me out, though, when I started hanging out with white people and realized their parents wanted me to call them by name.
In the North, sir/ma’am is what you get called when you pass a certain age, so in a way it’s kind of insulting here - it’s like calling someone “gramps”. I positively don’t like being called ma’am. I’lll still take Miss - I’m not married and I’m only 31, not decrepit.
Teachers should be called Mr./Mrs./Miss.
In the South of course it’s different - but then I don’t go to the South very often at all.
And I only generally call someone “sir” either whom I respected immensely, or a pissed-off customer. Ma’am I wouldn’t use at all , for the aforementioned age reason.
Yeah, I would, too. You’re used to doing those things for women. I’m used to doing those things for myself. I wouldn’t take it as an insult, I’d just ask you to quit it, and you shouldn’t take it as an insult (not that you did, just saying) that I don’t want you to. Culture is different and I like my way. I don’t want anyone doing those things for me unless maybe it’s my SO, and if he started getting up everytime I showed up at the table I wouldn’t like it either.
It would be thought unbearably formal here. I can’t imagine calling anyone ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’ , since getting out of the Army.
OTOH, I do hate those complete strangers who telephone you and start addressing you by your first name as though they’d known you all their lives (usually when trying to sell you something) “Do I know you? Are you my friend? Well, then.”
[QUOTE=Mk VII]
OTOH, I do hate those complete strangers who telephone you and start addressing you by your first name as though they’d known you all their lives (usually when trying to sell you something) “Do I know you? Are you my friend? Well, then.”
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This actually works in my favor since I don’t use my first name. Anyone using it is automatically noted as not actually knowing me.
[QUOTE=Antinor01]
This actually works in my favor since I don’t use my first name. Anyone using it is automatically noted as not actually knowing me.
[/QUOTE]
I’m the same way - I only give my legal first name to Indians (chiefly because they are the only ones that can pronounce it in the sweet mellifluous way it needs to be pronounced.) So anybody asking me for that name is suspect.
Ditto Kiz, for the most part.
In the same way that I’m the only one of my friends (at least, the non-military-brat ones) who doesn’t get creeped out or nervous in the local police supply store or at obviously-run-by-veterans military surplus stores, I call everyone ma’am or sir. It’s just… what… you do.
I even call my father ‘sir’ though mother is rarely ‘ma’am’ because she doesn’t like it much. They are sir and ma’am when they are pissed off or I am being formal for some reason, though. Usually with an exaggerated Southern flair: “Did you wash the dishes?” “Yayes maaay’am!”
Texan, but I grew up every-ol’-where.
[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
To those who don’t like being called “Sir” or “Ma’am,” how would they prefer that strangers get their attention (as in “____? ! Your backpack is open!" or "? Could you show me these vacuum cleaner attachments, please?”
[/QUOTE]
“Excuse me. Your backpack is open”. If the person is addressing me then he already has my attention.
[QUOTE=Cunctator]
“Excuse me. Your backpack is open”. If the person is addressing me then he already has my attention.
[/QUOTE]
Exactly. If you need to get my attention, a polite “Excuse me” is fine. If you’ve already gotten my attention, then you don’t need to identify who you’re speaking to, so a simple “Can you show me these vacuum cleaner attachments?” or “Do you have the time?” is perfectly acceptable.
[QUOTE=Anaamika]
In the North, sir/ma’am is what you get called when you pass a certain age, so in a way it’s kind of insulting here - it’s like calling someone “gramps”. I positively don’t like being called ma’am. I’lll still take Miss - I’m not married and I’m only 31, not decrepit.
[/QUOTE]
I’ll sometimes use “Miss” if I’m first addressing an unknown/unfamiliar woman in an attempt to get her attention, but I otherwise tend to use “ma’am” (or her first name when requested/appropriate for the situation, or some combination thereof). And it absolutely has nothing to do with implied or perceived decrepitude, but like you said, different cultures and all that.
[QUOTE=Li’l Pluck]
Most of my female friends up North are Northern born and/or bred, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told, “Li’l Pluck, sit down,” whenever I stand at the table for them to leave/approach, or how often I’m waved away whenever I maneuver myself to open the car door for them, etc., etc.
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[QUOTE=Anaamika]
Yeah, I would, too. You’re used to doing those things for women. I’m used to doing those things for myself. I wouldn’t take it as an insult, I’d just ask you to quit it, and you shouldn’t take it as an insult (not that you did, just saying) that I don’t want you to. Culture is different and I like my way. I don’t want anyone doing those things for me unless maybe it’s my SO, and if he started getting up everytime I showed up at the table I wouldn’t like it either.
[/QUOTE]
Understood. And I’m glad that you wouldn’t take it as an insult.
If I discern/am made aware that any one of these niceties *really * bothers a woman, then I’ll attempt (only with that particular woman, of course, and usually with success) to stifle the impulse. I may not like doing it, and it might sometimes feel strange to me, but I try to be mindful so as to not cause undue offense.
Having said that, this can be especially bothersome in public settings, because heaven forfend that I appear boorish or cad-like for not doing these things. I understand that, depending on where one is in today’s world, this will usually not be a problem since not too many people pay attention to/expect these things, but, still, I figure that if I notice when a man doesn’t, for example, open a car door for a lady–and I am thusly…umm, taken aback–then surely *someone else * would feel the same way about me if I acted similarly. (Not, mind you, that this is the primary reason that I behave as I do.)
As for standing up at the table…well, luckily, no one has many opportunities these days to tell me to sit down, as I very rarely find myself sharing a meal with anyone else, male or female.
Let me also add this (might serve as an interesting dichotomy): As much as I like being chivalrous towards women (BTW, I hate what the word “chivalrous” connotes, but that’s all I have at the moment that I’m writing this), I absolutely blanche at any language or notion that women are “the fairer sex” (ugh!). In fact, I totally dig women who are ladies when it’s appropriate, yet who can also drink*, cuss, and whore around** as much as I can. Oh, and not that it doesn’t go without saying, but what the hell: Who are smart, too!
*=Well, really, I don’t much, considering that I’m quickly approaching my middle years (even if I don’t yet look it-- ), but I think you get the point.
**=As much as I’d like to, that is.