My brothers and I had to call our parents “sir” and “ma’am” growing up. It was pretty normal in the south when I was a kid.
That seems needlessly harsh. I know lots of people in every day life who when you ask them a question, respond, “Yeah?” or “Yes?” Why is that so wrong? Or is it only if a kid does it?
And also, why? You’ve explained that it sounds wrong, but why does it sound disrespectful?
I didn’t say anything about respect. Because of the culture I was raised in - which includes saying “yes, ma’am” instead of simply “yeah” - it just sounds ill mannered. Like not saying thank you when someone does something for you or not saying excuse me after you burp.
Oh, and MrDibble: plantation boss? Really? Come on now. It’s not a matter of bowing and scraping and “oh, massa, can I use the car tonight, please, Sir?” More along the lines of:
Teenage me: Hey, dad, may I borrow your car?
Dad: Can you be back in an hour? I need to run an errand.
TM: Yes sir, no problem.
Dad: Okay, be careful.
TM: Thanks!
LOL. It sounds disrespectful (or, on preview, “ill mannered”) because, within that culture, it IS disrespectful! Words are just air moving across vocal folds; any meaning at all, either literal or connotative, is assigned by community agreement. Context is king, and we’re not yet enough of a “global culture” for the connotations of words to be the same the whole US over.
Besides that, even to my Yankee (;)) ears, “yeah” sounds rushed and slightly disinterested, as if I can barely take the time out of whatever I’m doing to deign to acknowledge that you’ve requested my attention. “Yes?” sounds better - it takes slightly longer to say, and it’s less of a grunt, and indicates to me that you’re actually listening to what I have to say next. In other words, you’re respecting my presence, my needs, and are open to hearing what I have to say next. “Yes, Freudian Slit?” is longer still, and indicates that not only have I paused in what I’m doing, I’m present enough to notice that you’re you and not someone else, I’ve acknowledged your individuality and presence, and I’m interested in what you have to say, so I can see why it would feel more respectful yet.
Just in my personal experience, “yeah” is often followed up (after the request or information is given) with “Wait…what was that again?” This is true whether I’m saying the “yeah” or someone else is saying “yeah” to me. It just feels like a lazy word that doesn’t really indicate attention is being paid.
I guess I just don’t see a huge difference between yeah and yes. And for some reason I just feel weird using people’s names…usually I don’t call them anything. I’m not sure why.
I want to add to those who have said that while “sir” and “ma’am” just sounds kind of weird and backward (but in a mostly harmless, somewhat charming way) to my ears, Miss/Mr Firstname absolutely grates. It also sounds, not exactly rude, but not correct or polite, either. Mr. Lastname, please.
I don’t disagree with your post there BigT. It’s a hard line to walk and sometimes we will err on one side or the other. So far I seem to have done all right, my kids are grown and are generally well-adjusted individuals.
This.
My son calls me Dadster, and my daughter calls me Daddy. But I was rather a stickler that they call anyone over 18 Mr. Lastname or Ms. Lastname. As I was taught to do when I was a young person (I attended school during the late Jurassic). This was heavily reinforced in my martial arts training, where you called the black belts “Sensei” the first time and “Sir” after that.
Regards,
Shodan
As written: not even remotely. Though without reading the thread (yet), if the parent makes the kids call the parents sir / ma’am… that is strange at the least.
(still stunned at someone calling me ma’am… at a job fair… the person was easily my age…).
I would not think the parents were assholes.
I (grew up in CA, NY, and CO) did not grow up calling my mom and dad ma’am and sir.
They modeled certain behaviors for us (they did use courtesies such as Mr and Mrs much more than our neighbors) but they never insisted on anything formal from us.
When I grew up, I did pretty much the same thing with my own kids, but sprinkled in a little ma’am and sir to my vocabulary, and the kids did too, with no prodding on our part. And certain people were Mr./Mrs. Lastname.
Why?
This is why.
I try to give everyone I meet the same basic courtesies.
For me it is a part of self-respect to treat everyone else the way I would like to be treated.
If, to some people. the sir and ma’am stuff seems either stilted, backward, or smarmy and bogus, so be it. It feels pretty natural to me.
Same here, pretty much. Yeah is used in place of yes, and disinterest would be something like “mmm hmmm”.
Did your father call you “sir” in the same manner as you referred to him?
Of course not. Kids said “yes sir” and “No ma’am” to their parents, though. To all adults actually.
Plus my dad was an Air Force officer at the time and ran the house like it was boot camp. If you’ve ever seen The Great Santini, that was my dad. He had inspections of our rooms where he would bounce quarters on the bed.
I’m still seeing “asshole” in this.
I didn’t think so. Of course your case isn’t representative of every case, I’m still having trouble seeing parents calling their children “sir” in the same manner that their children refer to them. I think the people who had parents who did so are the exception.
My parents are not ass wholes but they do require us kids to use sir and ma’am when we address an adult. We are not aloud to say yeah or nah and we can’t skip the “sir” or the “ma’am” after saying yes or no. If my dad calls my name, I say either “sir” or “yes sir” because I can’t use the word “what” when he calls my name. Since this is a requirement in our family, there is no way to get out of it. I have been teased by some of my friends for having to be polite, but overall it is just automatic for me to sir and maam adults. If my friend’s dad tell me not to answer him by saying yes sir or no sir, I tell them that I have to anyway because my parents require it. My parents are strict on stuff like manners and homework, but other than that they are really great.
TravisR
The assumption that the parents are assholes seems a case of cultural bigotry, nothing more.
This is pretty close to my experience, although my Dad didn’t call me sir in return. He was probably a little more Great Santini-ish than your Dad (my Dad was also a career officer) in that he was pretty strict.
Well, assholes occur in the general population too, not just the population of “sir-and-ma’am-ers”.
For example, I taught my kids to “sir and ma’am” but I never did this stuff that Dio says his dad did.
I think there’s a lot more to determining whether the parents are assholes than how the kid addresses adults!
I am in my late 40’s, and often address other people as “sir” or “ma’am” (Grocery checker: “Will that be all for you today?” Me: “Yes, ma’am”). I even address my 10YO as ‘ma’am’ sometimes.
I’m not from the South, but I realize it is a culturalism there. I have been known to adapt other culturalisms as well. I know quite a few Iranians, and they use certain suffixes attached to names, and I’ve picked up a few of them. Doesn’t mean any of us are assholes (though I’m sure I have my moments!)